Overwhelmed Dad Prays for One Minute Alone

Photo by Jaclyn Moy on Unsplash

Dear God,

I know the world is going through a tough time right now, with the pandemic and everything, but I’m desperate for more time alone. Not alone forever, I enjoy being with my wife and two out-of-control kids, some of the time. Maybe an hour a day would be helpful? A few hours or even one week would be ideal. Magical even. I may be losing my mind, so a little solitude would help get me back on track. 

There’s just no time to breathe or even think. To find time to get on my knees and talk to you means I’m on the floor in the bathroom right now, after crying in the shower. You see, I’m what they call an introvert. Too much social time with others drains me. I need time alone to recharge. Now that I can’t escape to the office and my wife never goes anywhere anymore, I’m drowning in needy family members and bickering children. When do I get a break?

That’s where you come in, God. I could use a miracle—the parting of the red sea kind. It’s been a hectic year of forced homeschooling for my two elementary school-aged kids. They could care less about distance learning or Zoom classes. They just want to watch YouTube, play video games, and eat candy. I don’t blame them. The schools expect my little children to get work done and make my wife and me, both working from home, keep them on task. Do you think they’re getting work done?

Hell, no! 

Sorry, Lord. I meant, heck no. When I try to get them to complete their assignments, they run away from me screaming. All while I’m on a meeting with a stakeholder and making PB&J sandwiches so they won’t be “hangry.” 

I’m so overwhelmed that I can’t even breathe well at night. When I try to sleep, I’m hyperventilating and doing my best to calm down—thinking about relaxing on some beach somewhere alone. 

Alone. It sounds like such a romantic word now. No one asking me for anything or talking non-stop about some ridiculous animated TV show. Just peace and quiet. Doing what I want when I want. Not for forever, for just a little while. A few weeks, maybe?

My wife keeps telling me we can’t afford for one of us to quit our jobs and take care of everything at home, but I wonder. Is my sanity worth the salary I make? We have other friends whose wives have quit and have become at-home co-teachers for their children. Everything looks more manageable for them. It probably isn’t. 

I don’t know of any Dads doing it. Should I be the first? Of course, that won’t get me the solitude I’m craving. I’ll have to take care of my kid’s schooling every minute of the day. I’m having trouble breathing just thinking about it. 

What’s that you say? Take a sabbatical, God? Is that the answer? A few months off from work. I would need to go somewhere else for it to be effective, though. Rent an AirBnB and live alone for six months. Just reading, catching up on all the shows I’ve missed, and taking time to meditate. Paradise! 

No, you’re right. That’s selfish. Don’t I deserve a whole year to myself? I would miss my family, but eventually, isn’t it ok if they know I’m coming back? I could visit them on the weekends. Wait, this sounds like a trial separation. No, thanks. 

I’d better stick it out. It’s better to be a man and endure even if it costs me my sanity. 

Thanks for listening, Lord. I know you’ve given me the strength to withstand anything. Even drowning in responsibilities with no acceptable way out. I can do this. Who cares that I’m hearing voices in my head and feeling dizzy from vertigo every evening.   

This will all be over soon, right?

Right?

Don’t Ever Interrupt Dad’s Morning Routine- Here’s why

Photo by Maria Lysenko on Unsplash

As told by his twelve-year-old daughter.

I don’t know about you guys, but my Dad wakes up crazy early in the morning. Like, why does he do this? It’s 4:30 am, and he’s up meditating, making coffee, and writing. Every day. 

Boring! 

Yesterday, I thought it might be fun to see what all the fuss was about. Just for the heck of it, you know? Maybe it’s fun getting up early and doing responsible stuff. I also thought it might drive him a bit crazy, so I had to try it. 

Dad’s always blabbing on and on about how good it feels to get things done first thing. So, I set my alarm for 4:15, to get up just before him, and pulled myself out of bed. 

It sucked! 

I was dizzy and could barely walk. What’s fun about this? Anyway, I was determined to surprise Dad, so I pushed through, washed my face, and stumbled into the living room, ready to look responsible. Dad must have seen the lights on and stomped out of his bedroom in shock. 

“What are you doing up? It’s 4:30 in the morning. Go back to bed!” he shouted. Where’s the love, Pops? Not even a friendly, “Good morning” first? It’s like he wants to be alone and doesn’t even want to see me. 

How rude.

Well, I was certainly the better person as I kindly replied, “I wanted to try getting up early and see how it feels to have a head start on my day. Just like you recommended.” I made sure to give him a warm smile as I looked back down at the history book I was reading.

Dad paused for a moment, looking off in another direction, and then back at me with that crazy-eyed look he gets when he’s pissed and said, “Ok, then. Since you’re up, I have a few things for you to do.

“No way, Dad, I got up early to study!” I yelled at him. Dad said, “Nope, you’re twelve and live in my house. You don’t get to rise early and do what you want. Not until you help out around here.”

Uh-oh. I thought to myself. 

Dad forced me to do chores and stuff. OMG! Can you believe it? It’s like he wanted me to learn a lesson or something. You guys will not believe what he made me do. This article is meant as a cautionary tale for all you readers out there.

This is what your Dad may make you do if you interrupt his early morning routine:

1. Make you clean up your room and make your bed. Then, dust everywhere and use Windex to clean your windows and mirror. Twice.

2. Make you learn how to make coffee for him so the next time you get up first, he can drink it. He will not let you drink any of the coffee.

3. Make you finish any homework you have but will not help answer any difficult questions.

4. You will have to hear him repeat, “You want to be a part of my morning routine? Then you’ll need to do some of my routines.” over and over again.

5. So, that means he’ll make you meditate with him for thirty minutes. Thirty minutes, people! It’s like so long and boring!

6. Make you do twenty push-ups and then some weird yoga poses like that down-facing doggy one.  

7. Make you read from a book on some philosophy called Stoicism where dudes thousands of years ago tell you how to not sweat the small stuff. Actually, this part wasn’t half bad. 

There you go. That’s how it all went down yesterday morning with Dad. It was fun to see the shock on his face when he saw I was up earlier than him. I don’t think it was worth all the crap I had to do, though. He wouldn’t let me watch TV after all that or even get online.

If I were you, I would steer clear. Just wake up at your normal time and leave Dad alone. This morning, I slept as late as I could. I’ll leave all that early riser mess for when I’m a grown-up.

You should too.

Why I'm Drawing on Paper Again

Drawing Little Fried Chicken and Sushi comics on paper, during these crazy times, has been good for my soul. There’s so much magic in feeling the paper’s pull and having to be fully present with every line drawn in ink. Not to mention, I can take cool photos of my originals and share them with you.

Don’t worry. I’ll still make strips digitally as well. From here on out, I think the story will dictate whether or not I use Clip Studio Paint software or bristol board and Pigma Micron pens.

Take a Break From America

As soon as you can.

Taking a break from the U.S. is not an option right now due to COVID-19, but I wish I could travel overseas. No country wants us to visit or move there during this pandemic, and I understand why. We look like crazy people.

The freedom we think we have gives us the confidence we feel we need to only care about ourselves — like it’s the natural way of things. Friends of mine in other countries are scared of Americans. The ridiculous mess we’ve made over here in regards to racism and the pandemic looks insane.

How we treat anyone who’s slightly different–yelling at an Asian person wearing a mask because you think they have COVID and then going out for FroYo without wearing a mask yourself because you feel it takes away your freedom.

I remember enjoying my break from America while living in Osaka, Japan, and teaching English. It’s certainly not an easy country to live in as a foreigner, but at least I didn’t fear for my life. You’d be amazed at how your country looks from the outside looking in. Yes, you miss some of what you love, but racism in America sticks out like a hamburger at a sushi restaurant. Be careful; you think it might taste good, but you know it’s wrong and shouldn’t be there.

I hear people saying things like leaving America shows weakness, and you should stay and make it work. Isn’t that like staying in an abusive relationship with someone because you think you can help them change? If you have a way out that can work for you and your family, take it.

Black people should do everything they can to experience living in another country, preferably one where people of color are in the majority. Move to Asia, Africa, or South America. Get a sense of what it’s like outside of white American ideals and perceptions.

Where will you travel when everything opens up again? Start planning, saving, researching now. I know it may seem impossible or out of reach, but it’s not. Take the first step by deciding you are a person who can travel and make a change.

Do it. Go on an adventure that changes your life and opens your mind. Then never look back.

If Japan Can Open Up, So Can You

Imagine watching nine massive steamships for the very first time in your life, something you never knew existed, approaching Edo bay near modern-day Tokyo in February of 1854. Commodore Matthew C. Perry landed his ships in Japan, uninvited mind you, in an effort to force diplomatic relations with the Shogun and open trade.  

After over two hundred years of isolating itself from the rest of the world, Japan and the average Japanese citizen knew nothing of other countries or races. Witnessing white soldiers march off their metal ships and make the demand “Take me to your leader.” must have felt close to aliens from outer space landing on our planet.

The scare tactic worked. There was no way Japanese forces could have stood a chance against the might of the U.S. military at that time. On March 31, The Treaty of Kanagawa was signed between America and Japan. The country was open to the world. Even though it would take many years to establish international trade, Japanese people were thrust into accepting a new truth. They were not alone in the universe. 

What limiting beliefs are you holding on to with little knowledge or experience to back them? The world is forcing us all to open our minds. Experiencing the pandemic and watching racial injustice and protests are making us realize we’re all human. Making us see that caring about the health and well being of people is what really matters.

The truths of our modern world have landed. Open your heart. 

Is Talking Openly About the Black Experience Risky?

I was afraid to post this comic strip, but I knew it had to be said. America is a dangerous and downright scary place for Black people. Even though no area you live in is perfect, there are some countries and even cities where you can feel more like yourself.

I found Osaka, Japan, to be one of those places for me. If you travel enough, you’ll find yours. Is it acceptable, however, for me to talk about racism in a cute family comic strip intended to make you laugh?

I lived in Japan for two years teaching English, but now I live in the U.S. and visit Japan every year. Making a point to soak up the peace and experience the culture. Don’t get me wrong, there are aspects I love about my home country.

Let’s be real, though, it’s tough on black folks in the states. The fear of racism and police brutality makes everyday life feel scary when you’re doing just about anything.

I think it’s important to address racism and perception in comic form and get people thinking. Even if the humor just makes you uncomfortable. As a Black man, my work wouldn’t feel authentic without it. The character, J, in this strip, is communicating how I feel while living in or visiting Japan as a Black man.

Free to be me.

Even though it’s told from a child’s point of view in this strip, the sentiment comes from my raw emotions and frustrations. But I was nervous about posting it and almost didn’t. You want to know why?

I was concerned about hurting white people’s feelings.

The comics and articles I create are not made to upset anyone but give my perspective, as a Black man, on the world and how I see things. In the past, after posting a series of lighthearted comics and then suddenly putting a strip out stating America isn’t a perfect union, mainly white people get upset.

It’s like they can’t handle the truth. Could it be certain white folks think I don’t have a right to express my frustrations and concerns over how people of color are treated in America? Like I can’t talk about my people and our struggles through an art form I love. Maybe, I should just stick to the silly jokes.

I know, free speech works both ways. If I can say what I feel in my work, people should have the freedom to comment on it. Yes, but when you do, please pay attention to your privilege.

Are you trying to tell me I’m wrong for how I feel? If you think my comics are now “complete garbage” from one comic strip and you can’t read them anymore. Why? Are there deeply held beliefs that need changing, lurking deep inside you? When you read through my archives, plenty of previous Fried Chicken and Sushi comics tackled racism and prejudice concerning people who are different.

White people get to choose what they believe about racism even though they haven’t experienced it directly. Being a part of the majority, they get to say ridiculous things in the comments of my comics. Like, “This is racist.” or an insult dressed up as a compliment, “I don’t see color” (please see my color, I happen to love it) or “Racism doesn’t exist in America anymore.” Does anyone really believe that?

Black people have to live with and take the blows associated with racism daily. Just because you aren’t seeing racist acts in your neighborhood or workplace, doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

I like showing that we all have other choices of places to live in the world. The truth is, it ain’t easy traveling abroad either. Finding work that pays enough to live on, and securing a way to stay there for many years — like getting your visa sponsored by an employer or becoming a permanent resident. But it is possible if you want it bad enough.

Notably, in Asia. You will deal with prejudice and ignorance about your race, especially if you’re Black. Still, the lack of fear and hate over your skin color brought on by systemic racism makes up for it.

The freedom that comes from living in a country like Japan — not built on the backs of free labor from African slaves — feels exhilarating. People see you as a person, a very different person than them for sure, but not someone to fear as a threat to their livelihood.

I know all of this and feel strongly about the benefits of living in Asia. I’m choosing, however, to work in the U.S. right now. I find it easier to get work that pays well, and I like engaging with a diverse group of people. When I need a break, the money I put away for travel helps me escape to Japan, the Philippines, or Hong Kong to get a different experience.

Where I can be just a foreigner.

Returning to my home country from trips abroad can be a tough re-entry. I get hit with the reality that most American citizens still do not fully see or understand. You hear the words “Black Lives Matter” but Black people are still treated poorly. This “BLM” phrase doesn’t mean all other lives have it easy. It means Black lives, particularly in America, need to matter now more than ever. Our house is the one on fire in the neighborhood. It’s the one that needs the most attention right now. Let the fire department put out the flames. Should they spray all the other homes on the street with water, just to be fair?

I think things are getting better. The above FC&S comic received mostly supportive comments and started conversations on GoComics around the benefits of travel and having an open mind.

It was a risk I was glad I took. Please become comfortable listening to what Black people are saying about their experiences, hopes, and challenges when expressed through their writing and creative work.

Give us a chance to matter.

One Habit a Day- To feel like you again

Facing this pandemic while working through the anger, fear, and pain associated with the murders of black people in America, as a black male myself, is exhausting. There are times I want to be alone to process it all, and times I want to dive deeper into my work to escape.

There’s so much to do. Work responsibilities aren’t stopping, and focus must be given to them, whether we want to or not. I also know there’s so much that could be done to help the country right now.

Speaking out against systemic racism and police brutality through writing and art. Leaving the house, mask on, to protest with the masses. I want to be everywhere all the time.

It’s overwhelming. Sometimes, I can’t even remember who I am anymore.

If you’re feeling like me, I think it’s an excellent time to let some expectations go and to simplify your days. You cannot accomplish what you could back before the world drove off a cliff.

Complete one habit in the morning for a quick win

Definition of habit

1 : a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior.

- Her habit of taking a morning walk

Will you wake up early to write for an hour? Make that your one habit of conquering in the mornings to ignite your fire. Perhaps, you enjoy going for a run because exercise helps to clear your mind. Schedule the time when you will get up and put everything in place to make sure you do it.

Write your morning plan the night before and leave it out where you can see it when you wake up. Take out your running gear so you can put it on right away and take off.

Picking one habit that you know you can complete in the morning will give you the confidence to face these challenges. The challenges we’re all emotionally wading through each day. Give yourself as much space as you can each day to just be with it all.

An excerpt from the book by Nicolas Cole and Dr. Matthew Jones, “Slow Down, Wake Up,” states:

“You’re not supposed to function every single second of every single day at 100%. Anyone who tells you otherwise, including yourself, needs greater self-compassion.”

One is enough

If your one morning habit was all you could bring yourself to complete today, let that be okay.

Pick one thing to accomplish professionally and personally each day, then celebrate it.

For the days when you’re feeling down, let completing that one habit fill you with pride. It shows you can accomplish something important to you. You might find that it gives you the energy to work on another one of your things.

The point is to keep your expectations low right now in these difficult times. Do only what you can but plan to do at least one crucial daily habit to move your life or career forward.

One thing a day, can become a habit, help you process heavy emotions, and lead to more professional wins in the future.

When You're Tired and Hopeless

Here’s what you can do

I’m overwhelmed with emotions. In the middle of this pandemic, dealing with the killing of African-Americans like George Floyd and the protests surrounding it have me feeling exhausted. Hopeless.

Will the killing of my people ever end? It’s hard to admit that I don’t think so. Every year around this time, summer, we have black people getting killed and it’s gone on for years. Far before social media or even the local news covered any of this. I feel like the killing of black people is just a part of American life and always will be. I have to find ways to handle my anger.

Tanuki may be a raccoon but I think he’s onto something. Keeping your anger and frustration locked up inside could damage you more in the long run than letting it out now. Of course, I can’t endorse breaking plates — or breaking anything for that matter — but talking with friends and family about how you’re feeling right now is an excellent start.

Exercise is a beautiful way to lift the world off your shoulders. I highly recommend running or walking. If you can join protests and feel safe to do so, go out and walk with others to support your cause.

If protesting is not for you, donate to organizations online, make signs for friends who are going out to march, or even call and check up on your loved ones. They might need to vent or benefit from someone showing care for their situation.

It’s okay to be angry, afraid, and frustrated at this time. Find positive ways to release your stress and help others deal with theirs.

We’re all in this together

Why Quarantine School Ain't Easy

Imagine being a middle school student during this pandemic. You can’t spend time with your friends in person or develop much of a bond with your teachers at school. It would be tough to stay away from all the screens and devices sitting right next to you and focus on schoolwork.

I would suck at it. With ADHD and an overactive imagination, my mind would be in another world, drawing fantasy comics, or sucked into video games to escape reality. Getting work done would be the last thing on my mind.

I admire the young people today and how they are navigating quarantine life. Even if they’re not getting anything productive done. They’re getting up in the morning and giving it their best each day. That’s a victory. For some kids, your best is just talking to friends over Zoom or reading a favorite book for the eleventh time.

Doing the things that bring you comfort and joy is vital in times like these.

Parents are going to push and pull kids to do their work to stay ahead, but some might let it all go and give total freedom. Let’s relax and give each family a choice to deal with this COVID-19 pandemic however they can.

We need to deal with this situation in our own ways. When it’s time to open the gates once again, all of us will be catching up on our new reality.

A reality we cannot accurately predict at this moment. Relax and take it one day at a time.   

To Create, or Not to Create, While in Quarantine

That is the questions. Here’s the answer.

Illustration by Khalid Birdsong

Waking up at the crack of dawn to draw and write is no easy task, but I’ve grown accustomed to it. Today, on the other hand, I couldn’t help but feel the pull of the bed calling me back.

This is normal in regular times but much more powerful recently. Is it smarter to push through and get work done during these stressful times or give your body the extra rest it needs?

I chose to stay up and fumbled around, getting my coffee made. Doing marketing tasks like scheduling future social media posts, and writing possible gags for new comic strips — nothing all that heavy. When I start this way, it usually leads to turning my engine on and getting deeper into a creative drive. Where I’m eventually motivated to make more focused work like drawing or writing articles.

Perhaps you’re like me. Sandwiched between your desire to rest more and the awareness of all you could achieve during this forced-flexible time at home due to quarantine.

The two opposing questions floating around in my head always — Why not use this time to get more done? On the other hand — Why should I force myself to do anything during such a major pandemic?

The world needs your art during this time. Your perspective, voice, and experiences can help others. It’s incredibly important for you to find a way to put your work out there.

Here’s what I think is going on and what I discovered we can do to move forward towards our artistic goals.

Stop feeling guilty

Reading articles about famous people in the past, like Isaac Newton, who discovered the theory of relativity during a quarantine. Or, was that Einstein? Didn’t Shakespeare write a famous play while sheltering at home? I bet someone wrote a brilliant piece of classical music while forced to hide away from a plague. Something like that. I think all the motivational articles are getting jumbled up in my head.

The point is, they make you feel like this time of quarantine is not for letting it all go and slowing down, but for working harder. For creating something brand new and absolutely fantastic.

You start feeling concerned about yourself and, yes, guilty. Why can’t I make something earth-changing during this time? There are more opportunities to focus on smaller projects. Isn’t this what people will expect of a creative person?

There’s only one truth to accept.

Creatives get overwhelmed, frightened, and exhausted by world events, just like “normal” humans. We’re not above or beyond it only because we can escape to other places in our minds.

There are times when we make stuff with ease and times when we need to just sit and stare out into space to process it all. With nothing but a clean slate of negative thoughts in our heads and swirling mixed emotions in our hearts.

I want to have the freedom to work when my creative energy is turned on, but I’m afraid that if I get out of a routine, I’ll just stop and not make anything anymore. My momentum will hit a wall and seep into the gutter.

“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I recognize this is what’s going on, I change how much I expect to get done. If you’re feeling this same guilt and overwhelm, schedule time to work but limit it. Instead of an hour, work for thirty-minutes.

There’s nothing wrong with cutting back.

Go ahead and be exhausted

Taking life a day at a time is something I need to improve on. I’ve seen more than ever how good days can be full of powerful, productive energy, and others are a slow drag to even begin.

This past weekend I was completely out of it. I felt like strings were attached to my limbs, and someone was pulling down on them, making it hard for me to move. Heavy body and mind issues plus plenty of chores to take care of around the house, forced me to make an important decision.

I needed to “do” less and let some things go. I’m just too tired.

Feeling exhausted right now is ok. It’s more than ok. You should expect it and give yourself some time off.

The only way to have productive days right now is to give yourself “processing time” to recharge on those tired, emotionally exhausting days.

Give yourself time to ease in

The struggle to produce content just happened to me today. This morning, in fact. What you’re reading is a result of gradually working my way to writing this article.

If you know that starting off not wanting to work but doing small things to help you transform into a “focused flow state productive mind,” is possible, you can have more confidence in the process.

“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Celebrate your wins

You should definitely create your writing, art, and music while in quarantine. Take a hybrid approach by dedicating yourself to both your mental health through regular periods of rest and your need to create with longer than typical stretches of scheduled work times. This way, you know you have the time to gradually get into the groove.

“Life is 10 percent what you experience and 90 percent how you respond to it.” ~Dorothy M. Neddermeyer

Even if it seems like you only completed a few tasks, celebrate them. I had to tell myself, “Good Job!” today for getting something done, even though I was totally not in the mood at first. We could always do more.

Make good friends with patience and invite understanding into the mix. I know you will keep the creative momentum going and succeed in artistically expressing yourself.

Even while trapped inside this box, we call quarantine.