Overwhelmed Dad Prays for One Minute Alone

Photo by Jaclyn Moy on Unsplash

Dear God,

I know the world is going through a tough time right now, with the pandemic and everything, but I’m desperate for more time alone. Not alone forever, I enjoy being with my wife and two out-of-control kids, some of the time. Maybe an hour a day would be helpful? A few hours or even one week would be ideal. Magical even. I may be losing my mind, so a little solitude would help get me back on track. 

There’s just no time to breathe or even think. To find time to get on my knees and talk to you means I’m on the floor in the bathroom right now, after crying in the shower. You see, I’m what they call an introvert. Too much social time with others drains me. I need time alone to recharge. Now that I can’t escape to the office and my wife never goes anywhere anymore, I’m drowning in needy family members and bickering children. When do I get a break?

That’s where you come in, God. I could use a miracle—the parting of the red sea kind. It’s been a hectic year of forced homeschooling for my two elementary school-aged kids. They could care less about distance learning or Zoom classes. They just want to watch YouTube, play video games, and eat candy. I don’t blame them. The schools expect my little children to get work done and make my wife and me, both working from home, keep them on task. Do you think they’re getting work done?

Hell, no! 

Sorry, Lord. I meant, heck no. When I try to get them to complete their assignments, they run away from me screaming. All while I’m on a meeting with a stakeholder and making PB&J sandwiches so they won’t be “hangry.” 

I’m so overwhelmed that I can’t even breathe well at night. When I try to sleep, I’m hyperventilating and doing my best to calm down—thinking about relaxing on some beach somewhere alone. 

Alone. It sounds like such a romantic word now. No one asking me for anything or talking non-stop about some ridiculous animated TV show. Just peace and quiet. Doing what I want when I want. Not for forever, for just a little while. A few weeks, maybe?

My wife keeps telling me we can’t afford for one of us to quit our jobs and take care of everything at home, but I wonder. Is my sanity worth the salary I make? We have other friends whose wives have quit and have become at-home co-teachers for their children. Everything looks more manageable for them. It probably isn’t. 

I don’t know of any Dads doing it. Should I be the first? Of course, that won’t get me the solitude I’m craving. I’ll have to take care of my kid’s schooling every minute of the day. I’m having trouble breathing just thinking about it. 

What’s that you say? Take a sabbatical, God? Is that the answer? A few months off from work. I would need to go somewhere else for it to be effective, though. Rent an AirBnB and live alone for six months. Just reading, catching up on all the shows I’ve missed, and taking time to meditate. Paradise! 

No, you’re right. That’s selfish. Don’t I deserve a whole year to myself? I would miss my family, but eventually, isn’t it ok if they know I’m coming back? I could visit them on the weekends. Wait, this sounds like a trial separation. No, thanks. 

I’d better stick it out. It’s better to be a man and endure even if it costs me my sanity. 

Thanks for listening, Lord. I know you’ve given me the strength to withstand anything. Even drowning in responsibilities with no acceptable way out. I can do this. Who cares that I’m hearing voices in my head and feeling dizzy from vertigo every evening.   

This will all be over soon, right?

Right?

Don’t Ever Interrupt Dad’s Morning Routine- Here’s why

Photo by Maria Lysenko on Unsplash

As told by his twelve-year-old daughter.

I don’t know about you guys, but my Dad wakes up crazy early in the morning. Like, why does he do this? It’s 4:30 am, and he’s up meditating, making coffee, and writing. Every day. 

Boring! 

Yesterday, I thought it might be fun to see what all the fuss was about. Just for the heck of it, you know? Maybe it’s fun getting up early and doing responsible stuff. I also thought it might drive him a bit crazy, so I had to try it. 

Dad’s always blabbing on and on about how good it feels to get things done first thing. So, I set my alarm for 4:15, to get up just before him, and pulled myself out of bed. 

It sucked! 

I was dizzy and could barely walk. What’s fun about this? Anyway, I was determined to surprise Dad, so I pushed through, washed my face, and stumbled into the living room, ready to look responsible. Dad must have seen the lights on and stomped out of his bedroom in shock. 

“What are you doing up? It’s 4:30 in the morning. Go back to bed!” he shouted. Where’s the love, Pops? Not even a friendly, “Good morning” first? It’s like he wants to be alone and doesn’t even want to see me. 

How rude.

Well, I was certainly the better person as I kindly replied, “I wanted to try getting up early and see how it feels to have a head start on my day. Just like you recommended.” I made sure to give him a warm smile as I looked back down at the history book I was reading.

Dad paused for a moment, looking off in another direction, and then back at me with that crazy-eyed look he gets when he’s pissed and said, “Ok, then. Since you’re up, I have a few things for you to do.

“No way, Dad, I got up early to study!” I yelled at him. Dad said, “Nope, you’re twelve and live in my house. You don’t get to rise early and do what you want. Not until you help out around here.”

Uh-oh. I thought to myself. 

Dad forced me to do chores and stuff. OMG! Can you believe it? It’s like he wanted me to learn a lesson or something. You guys will not believe what he made me do. This article is meant as a cautionary tale for all you readers out there.

This is what your Dad may make you do if you interrupt his early morning routine:

1. Make you clean up your room and make your bed. Then, dust everywhere and use Windex to clean your windows and mirror. Twice.

2. Make you learn how to make coffee for him so the next time you get up first, he can drink it. He will not let you drink any of the coffee.

3. Make you finish any homework you have but will not help answer any difficult questions.

4. You will have to hear him repeat, “You want to be a part of my morning routine? Then you’ll need to do some of my routines.” over and over again.

5. So, that means he’ll make you meditate with him for thirty minutes. Thirty minutes, people! It’s like so long and boring!

6. Make you do twenty push-ups and then some weird yoga poses like that down-facing doggy one.  

7. Make you read from a book on some philosophy called Stoicism where dudes thousands of years ago tell you how to not sweat the small stuff. Actually, this part wasn’t half bad. 

There you go. That’s how it all went down yesterday morning with Dad. It was fun to see the shock on his face when he saw I was up earlier than him. I don’t think it was worth all the crap I had to do, though. He wouldn’t let me watch TV after all that or even get online.

If I were you, I would steer clear. Just wake up at your normal time and leave Dad alone. This morning, I slept as late as I could. I’ll leave all that early riser mess for when I’m a grown-up.

You should too.

Why Quarantine School Ain't Easy

Imagine being a middle school student during this pandemic. You can’t spend time with your friends in person or develop much of a bond with your teachers at school. It would be tough to stay away from all the screens and devices sitting right next to you and focus on schoolwork.

I would suck at it. With ADHD and an overactive imagination, my mind would be in another world, drawing fantasy comics, or sucked into video games to escape reality. Getting work done would be the last thing on my mind.

I admire the young people today and how they are navigating quarantine life. Even if they’re not getting anything productive done. They’re getting up in the morning and giving it their best each day. That’s a victory. For some kids, your best is just talking to friends over Zoom or reading a favorite book for the eleventh time.

Doing the things that bring you comfort and joy is vital in times like these.

Parents are going to push and pull kids to do their work to stay ahead, but some might let it all go and give total freedom. Let’s relax and give each family a choice to deal with this COVID-19 pandemic however they can.

We need to deal with this situation in our own ways. When it’s time to open the gates once again, all of us will be catching up on our new reality.

A reality we cannot accurately predict at this moment. Relax and take it one day at a time.   

Why my Biracial Daughter Wears Straight-Hair Wigs - Should I stop her?

Illustrated by Khalid Birdsong on friedchickenandsushi.com

Reading this comic strip, you would think my daughter is confident and comfortable with exactly who she is at all times. Well, you'd be mistaken. Alana (the name I use for her in the comics) is a nine-year-old girl who epitomizes authenticity in every area but her hair.

Gliding into the living room, almost daily, holding her karaoke microphone. Wearing the pink and purple wig her grandparents gave her for Christmas, is nine-year-old Alana. My half Japanese, half African-American daughter. 

On the one hand, I know she likes wearing the wig because it's straight and she thinks it looks better than her beautiful curly hair. On the other hand, I feel like she should take the wig off and feel good singing with her natural look.

Should I force her to take the wig off and be herself? 

Of course, not. I think I should relax and let Alana pretend to be someone else for a little while. It's the only way, at this age, she will experience her dream of having long straight hair. Besides, It's fun.

The reality can be challenging to accept at times, though.

She'd rather have a straight look than her naturally curly mixed-ish hair. 

I understand that most people are not in love with their hair and wish it could be different, but Alana really gets upset with what she's got. And I think I know why.

Alana is the only girl on both sides of our families with mixed hair. 

In fact, she's the only one who's biracial. My side is all African-American, and my wife's family are all Japanese. 

When Alana spends time with either side, it's clear that she doesn't look just like them. Of course, I know she's unique and beautiful but, I am her father. The fact that Alana doesn't see her self represented in our family may be making it difficult to feel connected. Now that she's growing older, she's noticing more and articulating her frustrations.

My wife and I want her to be proud of being a part of two races and cultures but know we can't fully understand how she feels. 

I will say, though, living as people of color in the United States gives us perspectives on what it's like to be treated differently. Still, we both can return to our upbringing as a way to ground ourselves.

I'm proud of being black and can share any trials and tribulations of black life with my family. My wife was born and raised in Japan. She can return to her country and take in everything she loves and fit right into the culture.

No matter where we go, Alana stands out. 

Some of this desire for straight hair comes from watching movies and TV shows, of course. She sees so many white girls, and even Japanese girls—when we're watching TV Japan—with hair Alana feels is "beautiful and easy to comb."

What can we do? 

I'm grateful for the short film "Hair Love," directed by Matthew A. Cherry about an African-American girl and her father learning to do her hair. There were so many moments watching it where Alana shouted, "That's like when you do my hair, Daddy!"

Another great example is the "Black-ish" TV show spinoff "Mixed-ish." Where Tracee Ellis Ross tells the story of her character, Rainbow, as a child growing up as a biracial child in the 1980s. The show is funny, heartfelt, and honest about how confusing it can be at times living in the middle of two families of different races, with a desire to love and honor both equally. 

These beautiful examples of representation help to foster conversations. 

Without them, I don't think we could discuss being mixed race as smoothly. Alana sees herself as unique and has a better understanding of her place in the world because of these creative artists.

I hope by sharing this story in writing, and comic strip format inspires those who need to see themselves represented. 

Representation is grand, but it doesn't solve all our challenges.  

Alana still doesn't like getting her hair combed.

We're working on that.

How to Succeed Using "The Parenting Mindset"

If you want to do anything meaningful in life, you always hear experts say it's crucial to be a "self-starter" or a person who's "motivated" to be successful? 

Maybe you feel like that's for a special kind of person. What if you think there's no way that can be you?

It doesn't mean you have nothing in the world to strive for or go after. You may have big dreams.

You're just not doing what it takes to move forward. 

I bet you've read or heard inspirational teachers saying, define what real success looks like to you. Find your reason "why," to make it important enough. And that will motivate you to pursue your goals.

This is good advice, but what if you still have trouble moving forward toward what you consider success?

Take on "The Parenting Mindset." 

Maybe you're not even a parent. But one thing is true—you must take care of yourself. 

No one else is going to, not really. 

Your life is totally, and without a doubt, all your responsibility.

I am a parent, and one thing I felt when my daughter was born was a massive sense of responsibility. Babies are helpless. Even though I knew this intellectually, the fact that she couldn't do anything for herself hit me like a ton of bricks. 

If my wife and I didn't feed, clothe, and change her diapers regularly, she wouldn't survive.

You are not helpless, however. You can make changes and live the life you choose. No matter what you've been through. 

The hardest part of parenting—the part that created the mindset below—is that you must do all of these things to raise your child, and no one cares if you're tired. 

It doesn't matter if you're sick or depressed. Your baby needs food. Your child needs your support and care.

Think of your life this way.

The parenting mindset involves treating your goals like a child that needs constant care, only you can give, no matter what. 

That's the hard part about life, right? Having to take care of business and move forward even when you're feeling down or "life" is slapping you in the face with a wet towel.

It can be easy to let all your motivation get sucked out of you.

I know there are those of us who have more challenges to overcome than others, but it could always be worse. 

Actually, I would suggest thinking about all the ways it could be worse, so you understand how good you have it. 

Gratitude. It's the perfect reset. Start there, and then keep moving forward.

Sometimes, we're tired and need to rest. That's fine. Take time to recharge, but decide for how long.

Decide to take a break for a few hours—a day, a weekend. Then, get off your buttocks and get back to work.

If you are a parent. Don't use your child as an excuse not to pursue your goals. Look at them as your motivation to succeed.

I know it's challenging, especially in the first year of raising your child, to make time for yourself, but carve out what you can, when you can.

Think about it, which would you instead tell your kids when they grow older, "Raising you was too hard, so I just gave up on my dreams." Or, "Raising you was the challenge that helped make me stronger. You inspired me every day to pursue my dreams to make you proud."

I remember feeling noxious every time I had to wake up multiple times a night to feed or change my daughter's diapers. It was tough, but I got used to it. 

Hard? Yes. For the best reason? Raising my offspring. Heck, Yeah!

I discovered I'm capable of so much more. If I can survive on very little sleep and still go to work and perform at a professional level, I can do more in my life than I previously thought.

Not to mention, using what very little free time I had in the most efficient way possible helped me start my Fried Chicken and Sushi webcomic and update it twice a week consistently. 

I found the magic in how productive you become when you limit the amount of time you have to spend on something.

Try it. Whether you're a parent or not, behave like one.

Take full responsibility for your success. Be grateful for what you have. 

No one will help you the way that you can.

Make up your mind that you can do much more than you think you can each day.

Use your limitations to motivate you.

See how much you can do in a short period. Take what you feel is lacking in your life and reframe how you think about it. Can you turn it into something that can light a fire in you to push harder towards your goals?

I think you can.

No.

I know you can.

Now, get out there and make things happen. Before I put you in time-out.