This Japanese Phrase Explains the Power of Keeping Your Opinions to Yourself

Sometimes it’s fine not to have an opinion

With everything going on globally, we often feel like it’s our responsibility to comment or be prepared to share our individual viewpoints at the drop of a hat.

I don’t see it this way.

Your opinion is important, but if you haven’t researched a topic or formulated a personal take on the subject, there’s no need to feel guilty. In America, all you have to do is tell people, “I have no opinion on that matter yet.” Or respond with, “No comment.”

When I was living in Japan, people there would always say the phrase, “Shoganai ne.” which means “It can’t be helped.” Almost like giving in and saying, “What can you do?”

I loved the fact that people could just let go of their stress or worry by using that phrase, and it still feels like it matters to them.

Not like when people in the states comment with a “Meh.” or an “Oh, well.” Like they’re writing it off or flushing the topic down the toilet.

Saying shoganai feels like you care, but there’s not much you can do to make a change right now. You have to accept things the way they are for the time being.

You don’t need an opinion on everything

Not being well-read on a topic or even caring about every aspect of everything isn’t possible. You have the right not to care. You have the right to be neutral.

How can we fully invest in every cause?

We’re all different and form opinions based on our backgrounds, experience, and knowledge of the subject matter. That’s a good thing. We don’t have to be all the same.

Trying to convince someone you’re right or get them to see your side isn’t necessary. You can agree to disagree.

Believe it or not, you may know quite a bit about a topic and still not be for or against it.

For example, for the Olympics in Tokyo, Japan, everyone’s talking about whether or not they should have waited another year after postponing it once before. With the pandemic still going strong and covid cases rising in Japan, it’s dangerous to bring a boatload of athletes into a small country to compete together.

On the other hand, Japan spent a huge amount of money preparing for the Olympics and would have lost big bucks if they canceled or kept postponing the games.

I lived in Japan for two years and want the best for the country, but it’s difficult for me to form an opinion on this situation. Both sides of the argument make sense. Is something wrong with me for not taking sides?

It looks like going ahead with the Olympic Games in Tokyo both helps and hurts Japan. This situation is not ideal by any means, but athletes have worked their butts off and deserve a chance to prove themselves in competition. I want them to have their chance, but I don’t want people to get sick and spread covid in a country I love.

What do you do if you can see both sides of the argument and neither of them wins out? You accept what is and throw up your hands with a look of confusion and say, “Shoganai ne.”

It can’t be helped. You’re in neutral and want the best, but what can you do?

You should have an opinion on something, though

Maybe you feel they should have canceled the Olympics until the pandemic improves across the world. I can see that side only because I care about the health of the people of Japan.

Having no opinion about anything shows you lack empathy. Pick your areas of interest and expertise and go ahead and comment on those all day. Friends and family will love knowing they can get your perspective on certain topics and look forward to conversations with you.

If you have zero opinions, no views about anything, you come across as aloof and bland. I’m sure there are areas where you get excited or upset by what’s going on. Topics that get your blood boiling are important. You don’t necessarily have to take only one side.

I’m not convinced people even care what we think. We’re all too concerned about ourselves and our opinions.

When you tell someone your side of the issue, they most likely will put it through their filters of what’s right and wrong to see if they agree. If they do, you look intelligent to them—like you’re on their team. If your ideas oppose theirs, you’re against them or are seen as wrong.

Either way, that person thinks they’re right. Rarely can we change how a person feels about a topic, right? Unless we have experience with it and tell a personal story to expand their view.

Let’s say you’re an expert in an area you work in or study daily. Great. Perhaps, that area is one where your opinion will be valued and paid attention to by others. If you’ve proved you’re worth in that subject, people could see you as a real spokesperson for that topic.

It doesn’t mean they’ll agree with you, though.

They might read more information about a subject to become better informed, but that doesn’t guarantee they’ll change their minds and believe the same as you.

The effort and research needed to have well-informed opinions mean we can’t have an opinion on everything

Let that lift the weight off your shoulders. We’re not right about everything, and we cannot be experts on it all either.

If it’s a complicated situation, like the Tokyo Olympics, opinions can take time.

Putting thought, research, and care into deciding how you feel about something shows respect for the issue. If you’re not ready to share your opinion, you may have to stay in the neutral zone.

Sometimes we have to say “Shoganai ne.”

And that’s okay.

Why I’m Okay With Japan Using Covid Relief Money for a Giant Squid Sculpture

Image from CNN.com

Is a giant squid statue worth all the controversy it’s getting?

If you haven’t heard, in the coastal town of Noto, in Ishikawa, Japan, they spent $230,000 of the $6.2 million received from the government for Covid relief on a 43-foot sculpture of a flying squid. Could they have used their money on something more important — probably?

But I’m not mad.

In fact, I like that they spent some of their relief money on art. Mainly to promote tourism for their small fishing town. Apparently, the area is the center of squid fishing in Japan.

I never visited Noto while living in Japan. Still, now I’m interested in seeing the statue next time I can travel back to one of my favorite countries. Squid is a delicacy in Japan. Even though Americans might not be interested in eating it, it doesn’t mean the statue is a waste of money.

When it was unveiled, Japanese people were surprised by the timing, and so were people on Twitter. Guys, a ton of readers, most likely people who have never been to Japan, were upset about this giant flying squid.

According to this article by CNN news, someone commented, “No matter how you look at it, this is wrong. They have to return that money.”

Really? Is it that serious? Indeed, there are more important matters to get this upset about.

Here’s my take on why this isn’t such a huge deal.

Covid cases are low in Noto, Japan

In a town of around 16,000 residents, there have been fewer than 30 cases of Covid-19. Not that this is okay. It’s still a concern, but why can’t they take this opportunity to do something to put their area on the map?

I’m pretty sure that at the time this statue was approved and sculpted by the artist — most likely a year ago or so — Japan was doing pretty well controlling the virus. They probably thought it would be a positive way to celebrate victory over covid.

Unfortunately, cases have spiked in larger cities like Tokyo and Osaka, and hospitals have trouble keeping up with all the new patients. Scary times right now, for sure, and I’m hoping for the best. The Osaka area is my second home, and I want its citizens to stay healthy and the cases to drop.

Even though the statue’s unveiling timing is abysmal, I think they did what they thought was right when it was being created. Should we punish the town of Noto for that?

They need a way to attract tourism to keep their economy going strong

Even if Japan was doing well-handling covid, the virus was still causing huge dips in tourism. This town found an opportunity to provide funds to local artists and construction workers in this time of economic turmoil.

I bet this statue helped provide much-needed work while also investing in a new piece of fun, publicly accessible art — the perfect socially distanced tourist attraction.

Even I want to go and take a picture in front of it.

Japanese people love squid, and the sculpture will make visitors smile

Art is essential and beautiful. Squid is delicious and well-loved by the people of Japan. If a family visits the town of Noto, you know the kids will laugh and smile while taking pictures. Parents and couples will share their squid photos all over social media.

This statue will bring not only tourists to the area but excitement and joy.

It’s easy for people outside of Japan to hear about this and think it’s ridiculous. Why? Is this an easy way to take a cheap shot at Japan? With all the controversy over the summer Olympics, should we cancel them or not, here’s another reason to be angry at Japan. I say, calm down and let a town beautify itself.

In conclusion

There are plenty of frustrating things about living in Japan and the experiences I went through. I didn’t fully understand why it’s that way. Still, I smiled, and whatever it was, let it go. As a Black man, having middle school students rub my skin to see if the brown would come off, for example, was one of those.

If I compare that to a small town deciding to use the money for a wild, eye-catching work of art to put their area on the map, I say go for it.

I’m confident Noto, Japan is not a corrupt town. If they needed the money to help save lives in their area, they would have used it for that purpose. Japanese people are pretty in tune with the needs of the many. Especially compared to other parts of the world where the culture revolves around thinking more about ourselves.

If I had any issue, it would be with the government giving so much money to an area with so few covid cases. They could have passed some of that on to bigger cities. Or, saved it for emergencies like the spike in cases happening right now.

With all the negativity, fear, and death in the world, let’s try and see the good in a tiny town trying to make the best of it all with the help of art.

Can You Stay Who You Are While Living Overseas?

Photo by note thanun on Unsplash

I know people who believe you can never change

“If I move to another country, I’m staying myself. There’s no way I’m becoming a different person.” 

A coworker said to me after telling him about my experiences living in Japan for two years, meeting my wife, and explaining how the experience changed me for the better. I shared that I had to become a different person while living there. The look of utter disbelief on his face threw me off. 

He couldn’t see something like that happening to him. He explained further, “You never stop being who you are just because you’re in a different place. I’m always me at my core.” 

I understood where he was coming from but disagreed and couldn’t think of what to say at the time in response. I knew for a fact this person never lived overseas. How could he know? I learned that he had visited other countries, sometimes for several weeks, but never spent a year or more in one. Let alone a country in Asia. 

Living as an expat takes an open mind and a great deal of flexibility. 

I believe, to respect the culture you’re living in, you have to change some of who you are if you hope to join in and succeed. Some of it means living the saying “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” 

The other side involves making peace with becoming a different person. You can’t stop it from happening. Accepting your change doesn’t make you weak. 

If you’re a good person at heart, I think you can stay you deep down, but you will grow and evolve. I’ve seen how living abroad can change people for the worse and how they can even surprise themselves. 

As soon as you leave a familiar environment and accept the fact that you’re not going back to it anytime soon, you change. 

The jolt of culture shock hits right after arriving in Japan.  

I moved to Osaka to teach English in Junior High Schools with the JET Programme. My interest in learning about the country, culture, and language brought me there. The application process for JET took almost a year, so I was thrilled when I was accepted and finally arrived.

JET chooses where to place you but gives you the option of living in the city, suburbs, or countryside. I’m not a big city person, so I chose the suburbs. Even though I knew very little Japanese, I figured there would be enough people who spoke English there to help me settle into life. 

I was wrong.

Another JET teacher who lived in a town nearby was sent to my little area of Shimamoto, thirty minutes north of Osaka city by train, to help show me the basics. The apartment JET chose for me was old and unfurnished. I had to shop for futon mattresses, no western-style bed, that I would roll out every night to sleep right on the tatami mat floor. Totally different from how I slept in the U.S.  

August, one of the hottest months in Japan, and my air conditioning unit was broken. I met the other JET teacher in town, and she told me I could buy a new one, but it might take a few days to get it delivered and installed. Of course, she, or someone who could speak Japanese, would need to come with me to buy one.

I remember crying alone that night thinking, “What have I done?” Traveled across the world from Atlanta, Georgia, to Osaka, Japan, without friends or family to live in an old hot, and humid apartment without air conditioning. The culture shock hit me hard. 

Someone had to help me open a bank account, teach me how to get around on the subway. I worked in a school where I was the only non-Japanese person and couldn’t understand what anyone said.

Needless to say, I was uncomfortable. Living with discomfort was my everyday reality.   

Did this change me? How could you say it wouldn’t? 

I had experience with living abroad as a youth. My father worked as a diplomat, and I was fortunate to live in countries like Germany and the Bahamas during my middle school years. Moving to Germany was difficult because I didn’t speak the language. It was scary going out with family and not knowing what people were saying. 

The way of life was similar enough to America I found. People were a little more reserved and private than in Georgia and took a long time to get to know you. Over time, I learned to understand the people and culture. I got the idea that the language barrier and having patience with settling in was the most challenging part about living in another country.     

Traveling to live in Japan as an adult changed me even further. I was still me, but I discovered there can be much more to adjusting to a place when it’s very different than anywhere you’ve lived before. 

I truly became a new version of myself.

If I had time to explain all of this to my coworker and condense it down clearly and concisely, I wonder if he would see my side? 

Yes. You could be stubborn. Try and decide to behave like nothing in this new country can change you. I have a few ways this might prove difficult, however. Especially if you live in an Asian country where so much is so different. 

The rules of polite society force you to change. 

When you meet new people in Japan, you bow instead of shake hands. If you decide that just isn’t you and try to force a handshake, it will come off as odd or worse, rude. Not only do you bow, but you must learn not to bow too low depending on who you’re with. If you’re with a manager or an elder and you only give a little head nod, you’ll look like you’re being disrespectful. 

Learning these specific cultural rules was exciting to me, but I didn’t catch on all that fast. I can’t even count the number of times I bent my head down low to bow for the principal at my school, and someone pulled me aside later to let me know, “Your bow. It was too low.”

Eventually, I learned but let me tell you, I still make mistakes today. Not growing up with this custom means it isn’t second nature and can be frustrating at times. Learning how to bow is a part of living in Japan; you must learn.   

You are seen as a foreigner and not a citizen.

As an expat in Japan, you’re seen as a minority, even though you might have been part of the majority in your home country. Several white friends of mine had a real hard time with this realization. They stood out everywhere and weren’t used to it. 

They were seen as exotic and strange yet cool and interesting but not looked at as equals. Not as Japanese. If you don’t look Asian, you will be seen as a foreigner immediately—you can’t blend in. Even if you’ve lived in Japan for thirty years. 

You start to see yourself differently. Wondering what you can do to fit in. Learning to speak Japanese to communicate better or working for a Japanese company might help. Perhaps, but on the outside, you’ll still look foreign—different.

What might this do to you over a long period of time? Thinking it won’t mold you into a different person isn’t realistic. 

Getting away with more than in your home country.

Looking different and being a foreigner in Japan has its advantages as well. You can get away with not following some of the rules of society in ways Japanese people can’t. No one will expect you to be an expert with all the rules of Japanese society. 

Some Japanese friends you make may feel envious of how much more relaxed your life can be in Japan compared to theirs. 

When my wife and I were visiting Tokyo several years ago, we had our suitcase with us after checking out of our hotel but wanted to do more sightseeing. A major hotel chain in the area we wanted to explore had a line of people, staying at the hotel, no doubt, giving their bags over to be held until they checked in. I had the idea to act like we were staying there and ask them to hold our suitcase until we come back in a few hours.

My Japanese wife, thought it wouldn’t work, especially if she’s with me. As a tall Black man from America, I could probably get away with it by myself, though. I had to try. 

Sure enough, I got in line, fully expecting someone to ask me which room I’m staying in or to show proof I checked in at the hotel, but no. They just smiled, took my bag, and gave me a return ticket—as my wife watched in amazement at a distance.

This is called a “Gaijin Smash” by some expats. When you take advantage of a situation, most Japanese citizens can’t because you know you won’t get in trouble. The word “gaijin” is slang for foreigners. This fact makes overseas travelers say and do things they never would at home, somewhat like foreigner privilege. 

There’s no way I would have tried something like this in America. I felt a bit guilty for flexing my foreign powers, but we were able to enjoy the rest of the day without lugging our suitcase around. When I came to pick my bag up, they happily returned it free of charge with no questions asked. 

The fact that this is possible changes you. You rationalize and try to make it okay by thinking of all your frustrations with living in the country. Reviewing in your head the times you didn’t fit in, made mistakes, and embarrassed yourself. The studying like crazy to learn the language and never speaking quite fluently enough. “I deserve some breaks every now and then.” you think. 

Living in Japan is hard. Making a life for yourself is challenging anywhere, let alone in a foreign country. 

The expat exceptionalism can consume you. Unless you paid attention to how you’ve changed and decided what stays and what goes, it could turn you into a monster. Recognizing the privilege that comes with being different in Japan means thinking deeply about your actions and who you are. 

I don’t think I did as much of that before Japan.  

Allowing people who are different from us to open our minds. 

Learning to live in another culture can help you appreciate differences and see people for who they are as humans. Because of this, you’re forced to look in the mirror at yourself and your beliefs. In fact, that can be the most challenging part of travel. 

My coworker may feel like living abroad could never change him, but it’s inevitable. You will change. 

If you live in Europe, maybe not as much. Surely, you will need to adjust to different cultural expectations there, too, and different attitudes towards world politics, religion, and relationships. You will still grow and change.   

If we can see that as a good side effect to travel and accept rather than reject how we’ve adapted to new environments, our tolerance for differences will grow. I hope more people will spend time in other countries and take on the personal growth involved in living abroad. 

You can read Khalid Birdsong’s comic strip inspired by his experiences living in Japan at www.friedchickenandsushi.com 

Take a Break From America

As soon as you can.

Taking a break from the U.S. is not an option right now due to COVID-19, but I wish I could travel overseas. No country wants us to visit or move there during this pandemic, and I understand why. We look like crazy people.

The freedom we think we have gives us the confidence we feel we need to only care about ourselves — like it’s the natural way of things. Friends of mine in other countries are scared of Americans. The ridiculous mess we’ve made over here in regards to racism and the pandemic looks insane.

How we treat anyone who’s slightly different–yelling at an Asian person wearing a mask because you think they have COVID and then going out for FroYo without wearing a mask yourself because you feel it takes away your freedom.

I remember enjoying my break from America while living in Osaka, Japan, and teaching English. It’s certainly not an easy country to live in as a foreigner, but at least I didn’t fear for my life. You’d be amazed at how your country looks from the outside looking in. Yes, you miss some of what you love, but racism in America sticks out like a hamburger at a sushi restaurant. Be careful; you think it might taste good, but you know it’s wrong and shouldn’t be there.

I hear people saying things like leaving America shows weakness, and you should stay and make it work. Isn’t that like staying in an abusive relationship with someone because you think you can help them change? If you have a way out that can work for you and your family, take it.

Black people should do everything they can to experience living in another country, preferably one where people of color are in the majority. Move to Asia, Africa, or South America. Get a sense of what it’s like outside of white American ideals and perceptions.

Where will you travel when everything opens up again? Start planning, saving, researching now. I know it may seem impossible or out of reach, but it’s not. Take the first step by deciding you are a person who can travel and make a change.

Do it. Go on an adventure that changes your life and opens your mind. Then never look back.

Hotaru: How fireflies create magic in Japan

Fireflies are a beautiful part of June in rural areas of Osaka. Tanuki adds a little magic to the experience in this comic!  Would you soar with real fireflies?

I remember it was magical going down to the river when I was living outside of Osaka city in Shimamoto, to see the fireflies in the evenings of mid June.  All the kids out trying to catch them or count how many they can spot first.

Go out and make some magical memories with your friends and family this summer!  Time really ‘flies’ by fast.

If you grew up in the south, you must have called fireflies ‘Lightnin’ Bugs’ at some point!  Even if you were in other parts of the U.S., I bet you did. 

My wife was raised in the city and never saw them before visiting my little suburban town of Shimamoto, back when I lived in Japan.  I’ll never forget how excited she was to see them for the first time.

I loved seeing fireflies growing up in Atlanta, Georgia.  It was so magical to go out on a summer evening and look for them by the creek.  

Other kids were talented at catching them and pulling the fireflies apart to add to necklaces.  That was a little too cruel, and gross, for me. I did enjoy capturing them in jars though to watch them light up together. 

It’s a blessing to have an opportunity to share summer memories with you through writing and comics.  Hope yours is the best yet!