I'm Getting Better at Keeping my Distance

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Staying away from people to keep healthy felt odd at first. 

Like I didn’t care for human beings. It felt cruel. 

Going for a walk was stressful. Always worried about getting too close to others as they passed. Making sure to give six-feet of space, so no one gets scared of possibly catching COVID-19. 

When I would see someone walking towards me on the sidewalk, I’d hope they couldn’t see the look of irritation on my face as I realized it’s time to move over to the street to give them room to pass.

Now, I make sure to only walk on the street and keep the sidewalk clear so that others can pass with ease. So that I feel safe and less stressed about catching anything. 

I’m Getting Better at Keeping my Distance

This is precisely what I should be doing. Staying at home as much as possible and keeping my distance. 

Yes. I’m a good boy.

I’ve noticed, though, I’m not talking to anyone as I pass. No more, “Hello.” or “Good morning!” I just keep my mouth shut. You never know what might come out of it.

I’m Getting Better at Keeping my Distance

Opening up social media, all I see are photos of people showing off their new personalized face masks with gorgeous colorful pattern designs on them. Nowadays, you can protect yourself from COVID-19 and look fashionable at the same time.

As long as you’re not black.

I can’t go out with that handkerchief wrapped around my face. Believe me, my wife wouldn’t let me out of the house when I tried and was ashamed to admit, I looked like a gang member. Or, someone about to commit armed robbery. 

The fashionable mask just doesn’t work on an African-American man.

Granted, I haven’t tried other styles. There are African inspired designs and even comic book pattern masks. I wonder if they could work on my face?

More like, can they work to erase the decades of negative stereotypes about black men as thugs in gangs so that people who see me on the street will feel safe?

Doubtful. But anything is possible. 

I’m not trying to take a chance. Going out in fear of the coronavirus is enough. Adding concerns about mistreatment by others on the street or the police ain’t what I’m looking to do during this pandemic.

So, what can I do?

Aside from staying in as much as possible, I let go. Let go of my expectations about life right now. Let some of my immediate goals go. I even Let a few chores go. Accepting it’s ok to let someone else deliver food and goods to my doorstep. 

Give time back to process it all.

When I absolutely must leave my abode, I wear one of those simple white surgical masks. It’s so straight-forward and simple, no one bats an eye as I pass.  

I’m Getting Better at Keeping my Distance

How many people died of COVID-19 today? Thousands? That is horrific, I think, as I’m folding clothes and watching the news. I remember how much more difficult all of these deaths were to hear about several weeks ago. 

Every time the news puts that graph on the screen of rising cases in our area, my body sinks, and the deaths keep getting higher. 

When it begins to fall, and the number of coronavirus cases starts to decrease, I wonder if it will make me smile. Will I need to remind myself that things can get better? After all, it’s taken some time to toughen up.

Giving thanks for what I have helps keep me grounded. 

Seeing news reports of medical professionals giving all they’ve got to help save lives gives me hope. The rare video of a COVID-19 survivor leaving the hospital and on the mend is a joy to watch. 

Even TV specials where we sing-along together or listen to famous performers belt out songs for us from their home helps me feel like part of society again.

Going to Costco in the afternoon and finding toilet paper. It looks like progress or the first blossom of spring. Life can continue to grow and flourish again. 

If only we could be together.

I’m Getting Better at Keeping my Distance, and that can’t be good

Connecting with others in person seems like a decade ago. I can’t imagine feeling comfortable with hugging friends and sitting across from them at a restaurant chatting it up. 

This frightens me. I’ve become too good at this. Staying away from others. Handling my frustrations with not having the freedom to go where I want, like a prisoner. 

What will it take to come back online—back to authentic life again?

Keeping my distance was something I never wanted to be this good at. 

When the time comes, let’s hope I can forget being on lockdown. Bring back graciously greeting loved ones with affection and care. 

I’m ready to keep those who are special to me close again. 

Always.