The Life Advice I Nearly Died to Learn

It’s about more than feeling grateful to be alive.

Photo by Thomas Le on Unsplash

This article isn’t just about how precious life is—you know that already.

Going through the experience I’m about to tell you that happened because of my own lousy judgment helped me discover how to look at life and might help you too.

Here’s what started me down this road.

One late evening many years ago, after working all day, I needed to drive five hours south to visit family in Atlanta, Georgia. I was tired, exhausted even. When I look back on it, I know I shouldn’t have been driving a long distance, but I did it anyway.

It was close to midnight, driving down the highway, and I started to dose off. I wasn’t worried, though. Driving long distances is my thing. My confidence in the ability to stay awake, stay focused on the road, and make it to my destination was unshakable.

Until I fell asleep, and my car swerved to the left and hit the median.

My car spun to the right, across every lane of the highway. While spinning, my mind did exactly what I’ve heard other people explain. Time slowed down.

I was in shock, and my car was spinning. I thought another vehicle, or worse, a truck, would run into me. I figured this was it, and I would die. But I didn’t. My car slid down into a shallow ditch on the right side of the highway. I sat there frozen, staring out the window as my mind slowly crept out of the fog of shock covering me.

“I’m alive.” I thought to myself over and over again.

As a Black man sitting in the middle of nowhere Georgia late at night, I was afraid to stay there or even call the cops. Getting the car back on the road was the only option. My engine was still running, so I put it in drive and tried rolling out of the ditch.

The car moved up a little, but my ancient Honda Civic barely had enough power to get up the hill. I floored the gas pedal, and thankfully my prayers were answered as it moved up and back onto the highway.

Not taking any chances, I rolled down my windows, cranked up the radio, and drove the last hour and a half into Atlanta. The scrape on the left side of my car from hitting the median was a small price to pay for keeping my life.

During that ride post-accident, yes, I was grateful to be alive and pissed at myself for driving drowsy. But I realized something.

If things were just a little different, I’d be dead. The truth is, bad things happen and will continue to happen. We must all choose what seemingly bad events mean to us.

Accepting that it’s my responsibility to decide how to think about every event in my life is a privilege I will gladly take on. What I went through sucked, but what I learned from it is powerful.

We can make life better or worse—starting with how we want to see it.

I could have spent the entire ride punching myself in the face for not waiting until the next day, after a good night’s sleep, to drive to Atlanta. My deliberate choice was to focus on the fact that I got myself out of the ditch and back on the road.

Could I have fallen asleep again? Sure. But I decided to push through and reach my destination by ensuring I couldn’t fall asleep again. And you know what? I have never driven long distances at night while tired again. That was my choice. I learned from my mistake.

What if you feel there are no choices in life for you?

Change your perspective, and change your life

The first perspective upgrade to make is recognizing you have the power to think differently about yourself and your situation in life. You don’t have to almost die to understand how powerful changing your thinking about something can be.

I’m a big fan of accepting situations for what they are and then deciding to move forward. Going through an accident where I could have died or have been seriously injured, but didn’t, could have been all I needed to decide never to drive again. Like god was telling me, I don’t belong behind the wheel.

Of course, that’s not true. If everyone stopped driving after getting in one accident, far fewer cars would be on the road. It would be best if you built up resilience to tough times and difficult situations so you can get back in the game after hardships.

I decided to give thanks for coming out of the accident safely and understanding I must be more careful while driving. The lesson I learned helped shape me into a better driver and taught me; even small things can make a huge difference.

When you can make your mistakes into lessons and difficulties into opportunities, you can conquer anything.

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” -Maya Angelou

Change your thinking now. Don’t wait.

You don’t need to risk your life to appreciate how much good you can give to the world. All you have to do is make a choice. Choose now.

Upgrading your perspective is easier than you think. Here are several ways to do it without nearly dying.

• Take a step back to see the bigger picture. Soar above your life and look at it from above to get a broader perspective. What can you change?

• Focus on what you have rather than what you’re missing.

• Practice gratitude. Even the smallest blessings are worth your attention.

• Try out new things. Stretch yourself with new hobbies or activities. You’ll be forced to open your mind and see life anew.

If something like an accident or health-scare hasn’t happened to you yet, it most likely will. I know that’s morbid to think about, and I apologize. But, staring at death in the face gives you the proper perspective on life. You will discover what truly matters if you haven’t figured it out already.

Fortunately, you don’t have to go through hell to get to an epiphany about life. You can choose to make a change right now.

The power is all yours. Upgrade your perspective and choose the life you desire.

Want more? If you’re struggling with creativity and putting your work out regularly, join my (free) email list, and through comics and articles, discover how to upgrade your mindset here.

Want to Learn to Nap on a Train? Here’s how

Sometimes you need to sleep. I’m talking about amongst the people, on a train or bus, or even in the park. Life can be exhausting. Why can’t we do some of our recharging in public? 

Well, now you can, with this simple three-step method inspired by my years living in Japan. The word “inemuri” means being present while you sleep. It’s synonymous with sleeping on the job or in public places. The Japanese are so overworked that it’s become commonplace to see a large number of people sleeping just about anywhere.

Taking naps is said to be a good thing. Even though accepted in Japan, it’s not allowed at work—even though that rule is mostly ignored all the time. If you’re in a location where you can set an alarm to wake you, it’s relatively easy, but what if you’re on a train or the subway? Not waking up in time for your stop can be frightening. 

Listen in as our Japanese raccoon, Tanuki, from Fried Chicken and Sushi comics explores how to nap on the subway in three steps. 

1. Decide to give it a try with the intent to master inemuri with help from others.

2. Pick a friend or family member who you know would never let their guard down.

3. Ride on a train with a loudspeaker that penetrates your soul.

Great job! If you follow these Tanuki steps, you too will be sleeping on the train in no time. Just imagine the freedom you’ll have to get the rest you need anywhere you have to wait. 

Take these tips to the cafe, while waiting for your coffee, or to the DMV, waiting for your number to be called. There are so many uses, and you’ll feel well-rested and ready to tackle whatever life throws at you daily.

Now, get out there and nap.

One Habit a Day- To feel like you again

Facing this pandemic while working through the anger, fear, and pain associated with the murders of black people in America, as a black male myself, is exhausting. There are times I want to be alone to process it all, and times I want to dive deeper into my work to escape.

There’s so much to do. Work responsibilities aren’t stopping, and focus must be given to them, whether we want to or not. I also know there’s so much that could be done to help the country right now.

Speaking out against systemic racism and police brutality through writing and art. Leaving the house, mask on, to protest with the masses. I want to be everywhere all the time.

It’s overwhelming. Sometimes, I can’t even remember who I am anymore.

If you’re feeling like me, I think it’s an excellent time to let some expectations go and to simplify your days. You cannot accomplish what you could back before the world drove off a cliff.

Complete one habit in the morning for a quick win

Definition of habit

1 : a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior.

- Her habit of taking a morning walk

Will you wake up early to write for an hour? Make that your one habit of conquering in the mornings to ignite your fire. Perhaps, you enjoy going for a run because exercise helps to clear your mind. Schedule the time when you will get up and put everything in place to make sure you do it.

Write your morning plan the night before and leave it out where you can see it when you wake up. Take out your running gear so you can put it on right away and take off.

Picking one habit that you know you can complete in the morning will give you the confidence to face these challenges. The challenges we’re all emotionally wading through each day. Give yourself as much space as you can each day to just be with it all.

An excerpt from the book by Nicolas Cole and Dr. Matthew Jones, “Slow Down, Wake Up,” states:

“You’re not supposed to function every single second of every single day at 100%. Anyone who tells you otherwise, including yourself, needs greater self-compassion.”

One is enough

If your one morning habit was all you could bring yourself to complete today, let that be okay.

Pick one thing to accomplish professionally and personally each day, then celebrate it.

For the days when you’re feeling down, let completing that one habit fill you with pride. It shows you can accomplish something important to you. You might find that it gives you the energy to work on another one of your things.

The point is to keep your expectations low right now in these difficult times. Do only what you can but plan to do at least one crucial daily habit to move your life or career forward.

One thing a day, can become a habit, help you process heavy emotions, and lead to more professional wins in the future.