How do you see yourself? Maybe you don’t think about it all that much. As a cartoonist, drawing a version of “me” for all of you often makes me think about how I come across to the world.
I often feel it doesn’t align with what others see.
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Illustrated by the author. ©2022 Khalid Birdsong
Last week, I took my twelve-year-old daughter to her first big-time concert.
For their Never Ending Summer Tour, we saw the uber-popular group OneRepublic at an outdoor venue—much safer being amongst the fresh air during covid times.
With hits like “Stop and Stare,” “Counting Stars,” and their latest “I Ain’t Worried (from Top Gun: Maverick),” we had a phenomenal time. They put on a good show.
I didn’t know that the lead singer, Ryan Tedder, writes songs and has written hits for all kinds of artists. The group spent twenty glorious minutes playing short versions of some of the songs he wrote. Like “Halo” by Beyonce, “Love Somebody” by Maroon 5, and “Rumour Has It” by Adele.
Spending the concert in a section far away, I watched most of it on the jumbotron screens where they did a good job filming all the action on stage. They also turned to the audience on occasion.
Cameras zoomed in to a part of the crowd cheering and dancing, and everyone was ecstatic except for one guy in the middle standing there stone-faced.
No emotion, no excitement.
Perhaps he was tired or didn’t want to be there. His partner or friend could have forced him to go when he’s not even a fan—come on, we’ve all been there.
Or, that’s the way he has fun. This guy doesn’t need to smile, dance, or scream at fun events like an awesome concert by one of the biggest bands in the world.
No. He’s fine, just standing there stoically, spacing out.
Could it be we all experience fun and excitement differently? His insides might have been poppin’ with joy and grooving to the beat. He doesn’t need to move. Staying completely still may be how he feels more enjoyment. Is that so wrong?
I wish I could be as comfortable as he is showing and being whatever he’s feeling at the time. It shouldn’t matter what people think.
I enjoy making other people happy. Heck, that’s one reason why I’m an art teacher. The joy on a kid’s face when they discover how a new painting technique can make their art look more real is fantastic.
Helping others succeed is joyful to me—another reason I love writing this newsletter and sharing what I’ve learned from living a creative life.
I’m a people pleaser.
Everyone isn’t. My daughter likes doing the right thing but isn’t concerned with people pleasing. She won’t pretend to be excited about something just to make another person feel better. I was concerned for her, but now I see that she doesn’t need to be like me.
Making sure she’s kind and polite is definitely part of my job, but overall, I should let her do what feels right.
Maybe growing up with divorced parents or being the oldest child shaped me into this person, but it’s hard to deny. I’m happy being a people pleaser and teaching others to create and hopefully smile.
At the concert, everyone stood up when OneRepublic first came out and never sat back down. After a summer off, this concert was in the middle of my first week back at work. I was tired.
You better believe I sat down on the grass and stayed there for the entire time. I danced while sitting and had an amazing time.
I didn’t feel like people pleasing by standing up so that the friends who came with us or the other fans surrounding us would be happy. I wanted to listen, enjoy, and rest.
My daughter stayed standing and enjoyed every minute. Good for her.
Your job may make you dress a certain way or wear a uniform while at work. There are written and unwritten rules of society we have to follow.
On those rare occasions where you can decide how you will show up, make it a way that feels authentic.
I’m not an expert at noticing these times yet, but I’m improving. At least, now, when I’m invited to party or get together, or even when I’m getting up in front of my students in an art class, I realize it’s my choice how I present myself.
Normally, I choose the fun-loving playful artist persona, but if I’m feeling down, it’s okay to show that too. There’s no need to fake it to make others happy at all times. I don’t have to be the person they expect every time. And that’s fine.
I just thought of something.
What if the guy who looked upset at the concert was that way because he just noticed the camera was on him and then froze? After it switched to somewhere else, he could have started dancing and jumping back to his usual fun-loving self.
He might hate when people put cameras in his face. Who really knows?
Either way, learn to do you.
Who cares what people think? Especially at a concert.
P.S. We just had a teacher work week before starting a new school year teaching middle school. During one of our faculty meetings, we all sat in a circle, sharing how we felt about getting back to work. Many people appreciated having such amazing coworkers, and others were impressed with how safe they felt to get back on campus during the pandemic that will never end. I shared feeling more at ease than I have in several years. Partly thanks to vaccines and having students back on campus instead of teaching on video via Zoom. Getting back to being in my art room and knowing how to teach within it, even if I’m wearing a mask, is something I did last year, so it’s familiar territory. I’m not as concerned with what will come, and confident I can make a creative and warm atmosphere for my students. I see now how life and work experience can help you feel at ease with being yourself.
Illustration by the author.
Writing only for money is a waste of time.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to earn dollars for your articles or sell millions of copies of your book—it shouldn’t be your main goal, though.
As a writer, teacher, and cartoonist, I’ve spent the past twenty years making money from what I love and also putting a ton of creative work out for free. The free stuff I shared was more fun and fulfilling than when I was paid mainly because I could do what I wanted and didn’t have to worry about pleasing anyone.
Rarely was I able to mix making money with something I had a passion for, like my comic strip Little Fried Chicken and Sushi. The strip started as a free webcomic about my experiences living in Japan, and I posted it online for four years, then it got syndicated online by Andrews McMeel Publishing.
Creating the comic was a labor of love, and I enjoyed the freedom to write my story and characters however I wanted. The delightful combination of writing and drawing together, which every cartoonist loves, stayed for many years, even with a wider audience reading.
I learned what it takes to consistently create content every week for years. One thing always rang true—you can’t only care about making money. Here are several ways to focus less on your bank account and more on the pleasure of writing.
You get more out of it when you write for the joy of writing. Even if you’re someone in dire straits, who must get paid asap, get a job, any job to help pay your bills, to keep that joy alive while writing on the side. Don’t worry, your creativity will keep on popping.
Art is about creating for the sake of just that, creation.
We live in a time where you have the ability and means to create because it’s fun. There are still plenty of places on this planet where people are struggling in their living conditions or are in the middle of surviving a war.
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you have the opportunity to make stuff where and when you want. People in your family tree are smiling at all they worked hard to accomplish so you can have the freedom to write.
Work a job, write on the side until something connects with readers, and you can eventually leave it if you choose.
You’re not alone as someone who wants a successful career as a writer. It’s not uncommon for literary agents to receive anywhere from five thousand to twenty thousand query letters from authors seeking representation for their book manuscripts each year. Only a handful make it to a release through a major publishing house.
I’m not saying this to bring you down, just to throw a dose of reality onto your fire.
Whether you’re a successful writer or not, you will continue writing. I’ve had ups and downs, and still, I draw and write every day. Writing articles like this one feels good, and I also enjoy laughing when I finally come up with a funny gag for a comic strip.
I have a relationship, or marriage, with my creative interests that will last no matter how well I’m doing financially. I’ve been broke making my art and also know what it’s like to get a salary from making my art.
Both situations required I work continuously on improving my skills by doing the work. You’ve got to find the fun in creating daily to keep going even when times are tough.
Writing for yourself is fine, and if you’re working on a novel, it can be pretty rewarding. Creating stories that inspire others or articles to help people learn and grow in their lives can bring more fun to your writing practice.
Putting your work out into the world for free as often as possible will help you get noticed. When you inspire others, bringing value to people, even one person, you will reap the benefits.
Sometimes, it’s just one thank you email response or comment on your article from someone you helped. You’re instantly connected and feel a sense of true purpose. So, it’s not always money that motivates. Glowing with the knowledge, you helped another person—or thousands—get what they want out of life or feel more a part of theirs is transformational.
Not everyone can buy your books or pay to read what you’ve written online. Thanks to the internet, giving it away for free online makes it accessible to all and can reach more people who need your words.
You’ll be surprised at how much helping others helps you.
I hear creatives whining about how difficult it is to write. If it’s so hard, why write at all? You could be watching TV or playing video games.
Could it be writing helps you feel better? It helps you process events in your life and understand your place in it? Maybe that’s a good reason to push through the pain of a problematic article draft or the frustration of a paragraph not coming together how you hoped.
Writing puts the pieces together in your mind and can mend your heart.
Does this sound like something that needs money to be worthwhile? You, putting your whole self into what you create makes it special.
Creating is never a waste of time, no matter how disappointed you may become with your results. You may think burnout or giving up on writing happens when you work too much. Actually, investing emotionally and then not getting a return on your investment is the problem.
When you can accept your mental healing as a valuable return, your fulfillment for helping others, and enjoyment with the process of writing as payment for your time, you’ll feel more satisfied.
Did you notice I didn’t highlight much about how writing all the time helps your skills grow? I’m sure you already know. Actually, it could be a whole article of its own. If you want to get better at something, do it every day. One more key to add is to do it with the intention of getting better.
And you will.
If something you wrote takes off, garners millions of readers, and makes you boatloads of money, magnificent. The rewards will taste sweeter because you know you did it for love, not money.
Want more? If you’re struggling with doing original work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can learn to share your art with the world.
Wincing at life. Illustrated by the author.
I bet you thought becoming an adult would be so much fun. You would have complete control of your life, no parents telling you what to do.
Thinking the same almost ruined me when I got out in my twenties. "Wait. You mean I have to make all the decisions now and stop blaming everything on my parents?"
Yup. It gets real, real fast.
“As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.”
― David Sedaris, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls
I get what makes it feel sucky at times as a creative professional, husband, and father through more than twenty-five years of adult life after college under my belt.
I learned it’s about more than just screaming "Life sucks!" every time events don't go your way. Paying attention to these three reasons below can help you stay confident while slaying adulting.
Life is tough no matter what. How much you have or gain doesn't exclude you from the difficulties life throws at you constantly. I know you want more out of it, and for a good reason, but you forget, or perhaps aren't appreciating, everyone isn't in the same place as you.
Even if they were, it wouldn't matter anyway. Hard to hear, perhaps, but taking an honest look at where we are right now can help give you perspective.
Understanding where you are on the hierarchy of needs pyramid can help you know where you're going and give you faith things can improve.
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs poster courtesy of playvolutionhq.com.
Let's say you reached the top. Self-actualization is all yours now. All your financial needs are taken care of; you have time to create, have meaningful relationships, and control your daily schedule. Does this mean nothing negative will ever happen to you?
When life is going insanely well, we tend to despise setbacks when they happen, almost as if we've earned the right not to have to deal with them. It's almost as if only the good things should be in our lives because we have it so good.
Consequently, if we're towards the bottom of the pyramid and our basic needs aren't being met, we want to climb up and believe getting more will solve all our problems. Life will be easier when you're at the top but not devoid of tough times.
You'll be in a more balanced place to deal with the poop as it flies at you, but no amount of security, money, or love can stop the truth of life.
Bad things happen to good people. So, accept it, take full responsibility when it all goes sideways and take care of what's necessary to get your life back on track.
The excellent news, hard times can and will get better, even if it doesn't feel that way today.
Striving to become a better person is good, and only working your a$$ off to buy a bigger house is not.
Scrolling social media makes you jealous of others and their perceived joyful and prosperous life, and it's never as great as it looks. Still, you want to do more, have more, and be more because you see it's possible.
The people you admire as successful do not have a perfect life, and an ideal life doesn't exist. With all the money and power, the CEO you gawk at could be having marital problems at home or health issues they're hiding from the public.
We're all battling something.
Admiring the success of others is inspiring and can fill you with joy. Put keep your mind in the reality zone. Adulthood should be about striving for the personal success important to you while understanding life can never be perfect.
Are you able to think through everything you have at this moment, good and bad, and still smile? What gives you pleasure, even though the pain?
Everything you work hard for should feel worth the stress and strain. When times are hard for me, I love drawing as an outlet. Opening up a sketchbook and trying my hand at a portrait or a funny animated character helps me smile again.
When you take stock in your achievements and where you still want to go, appreciating what you've already accomplished goes a long way. Gratitude is the key to joy, even if it's only because you understand how important life's basics are.
If you're healthy and able to go for what gets your excitement rising each morning, you have a lot to be thankful for—let that empower you.
“You’ll never see a happy ungrateful person.”
Zig Ziglar
We're all sold the idea, in America at least, that making it equals big paychecks, lots of sex, and a mansion the size of an art museum. You're not genuinely making it if you're missing these symbols of success.
Not valid for everyone, and it doesn't have to be what you desire either.
Why are you doing all of this? Is it a part of your life purpose, or because you saw someone else doing it and decided it would be cool?
Make specific, thoughtful choices. I decided a long time ago going after vast sums of money wasn't going to be my goal. Life taught me money makes things easier.
I had to understand it's OK to want to make a good salary to take care of basic needs and save for retirement; it took years to accept I enjoy travel and need enough for at least one adventure a year.
Maybe that's not necessary for everyone, but travel matters to me. Seeing the world helps me feel wealthy, and I love learning about other cultures and cities.
What do you need to benefit you, your family, and your overall mental health right now? Write down a list of your needs and wants. Getting serious about what matters to you as an individual, not what you think you "should" desire is a good goal.
Are you in a place mentally to work towards being a self-actualized human being? If you don't know where to go, you can't stay on the right road.
Once you have a list of what you truly want, you can find people who have done what you strive for and learn from their experiences. Read about them, or better yet, talk to them in person if you can.
You will reach your goals if you compare yourself to the right people. The people doing precisely what you aspire to do in your life.
“Don’t you find it odd,” she continued, “that when you’re a kid, everyone, all the world, encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you’re older, somehow they act offended if you even try.”
― Ethan Hawke, The Hottest State
You have roadblocks to your goals. But if you get creative and find a way to go after your dreams, your life will feel loads more fulfilling and enjoyable.
No one said a good life would be easy.
Even doing what you love part-time, or dare I say, as a hobby, can create balance and instant smiles each morning you wake.
Take full responsibility for your life and do what it takes to do what you love. Yes, it may be more challenging if you're a person of color, or suffering an illness, but there are always ways to make things work.
Take time to plan how to save enough money to give you the freedom to do more of your passions.
Ask for help from people who can assist you on your journey or give you advice. Or, even better—mentoring.
Work a job that doesn't take all of your brainpower, and do your passion during your off hours until you can do it full-time.
Spend more time in groups with people who enjoy what you love. Life is less crappy when you spend it with others.
Permit yourself to love life by structuring it in a way that benefits your interests.
Keep your head in the right place. Not wanting too much all the time and giving thanks for what you have can change your outlook.
“I’ve been very blessed in my personal life and in my career and I have never been ungrateful for what I have.”
Mandy Patinkin
Want more? If you’re struggling with doing original work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can upgrade your mindset and share your art with the world.
Photo by Jaunt and Joy on Unsplash
You’re looking to find purpose—a reason to get up in the morning or a career to fulfill your heart and soul. I know the feeling.
You try this and try that for a little while, only to be disappointed you don’t fall in love right away. “When will my calling hit me in the face and change my life for the better?” you wonder.
Come on; you can’t be serious. No Fairy Godmother of Purpose will ever appear and grant you a life of passion and meaning. Even if someone offers you a fantastic opportunity, you have to recognize it first.
A purpose can sometimes come from natural abilities or a need you feel you must fulfill from early in your life, but it’s rare. You won’t like reading this—but a purpose takes hard work and patience.
It’s not a magical gift from the gods.
Coming from writing and creating comics regularly for many years, I now know my purpose is to educate and entertain through stories and art. I didn’t hike up a mountain to the top and receive a divine message.
I discovered my purpose by doing the work.
But don’t worry, it’s not as hard as you might think. You have to make concrete decisions and stick to them. Here’s how…
Discovering your purpose first takes you to committing to learning and growing in a particular area or career. It’s astonishing how connected we can become to an area we choose to give ourselves to heart and soul.
What are you interested in learning and becoming the best at over many years? If you pick something that excites you and scares you a little, you’re on the right track.
Make a point to practice the skill regularly to improve, and you’ll see how it fills you with purpose, with a drive to do better and share it with the world. When you commit—essentially, take responsibility for something—it gives your life meaning.
Pretty simple, right?
I’ve loved writing for most of my life, but committing to posting articles here on Medium regularly and becoming a better writer helped cultivate my feeling of purpose. Helping inspire others to succeed now feels like my purpose through the written word.
“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.”
Vince Lombardi
People run away from responsibility like it’s an evil villain chasing them in a horror movie, preferring to escape into simple, non-threatening pleasure-seeking getaways as much as possible.
If you want a purpose-driven life, you have to embrace the responsibility that goes along with that life. You can’t have one thing without the other. Accepting that there’s a price to pay for everything is a part of doing something worthwhile.
If you want to be a better writer, you’ll need to watch less TV and spend more hours on the keyboard. The more you work at it, the better you’re writing will become, then you begin to desire watching TV less as your desire to write grows. You feel like it’s your purpose.
When you, let’s say, become a parent, volunteer somewhere, commit to a relationship, take on a mortgage to buy a home or any one of a thousand other “responsibilities,” they permeate your life with purpose and meaning.
That’s the upside of responsibility no one tells you.
“Without commitment you cannot have depth in anything.”
Neil Strauss
It’s all on you now. Commit to growing and improving in several parts of your life that interest you.
Even if you don’t think it could be your purpose right now, you’d be amazed by how things look different once you dedicate yourself to them and become the best over time.
When I started teaching art in an elementary school, I thought I would hate it because I wasn’t making all of my money being an illustrator. There were a lot of new responsibilities to take on, like taking care of children and classroom management, and I had to learn to plan lessons and make a curriculum.
Over that first year of teaching, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed being an educator. I made time to draw comics in my off-hours, and I felt like my teaching job was making a difference to young people.
The position grew on me as I took on the commitment and handled the responsibility. You won’t always know what will be the right fit.
When you commit and work hard, your purpose finds you.
Want more? If you’re struggling with making authentic work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can discover how to upgrade your mindset and share your creative writing and art with the world.
Photo courtesy of intellectualsinsider.com.
One of the most brutal truths to accept: suffering is something everyone experiences in life, and you are not immune. But you can get stronger.
Feeling disappointment when bad things happen is usual, and it can almost feel like, however, you're a victim of bad karma. Like all of this shouldn't be happening to you.
Let's get real here, going through hard times, heartbreak, and unforeseen challenges will occur regularly and most likely break your spirit. Staying strong through it all takes strength and confidence, but most of all, determination.
How can you not let the crap of life drag you down the drain with it?
Whenever I hear David Goggins speak or read his stern but encouraging words, it puts everything in the proper perspective. Tough to take in at times, but core strengthening.
David Goggins is an ultramarathon runner, ultra-distance cyclist, triathlete, motivational speaker, and author if you don't know him. He's a retired United States Navy SEAL and former United States Air Force Tactical Air Control Party member who served in Afghanistan and the Iraq War.
Goggins is a former world record holder for the most pull-ups done in 24 hours (4,030 to be exact). Crazy, right?! His self-help memoir, Can't Hurt Me, was released in 2018 and is chock full of inspirational quotes to help you take action and live the life of a warrior.
Becoming just like him is not the goal—there's no way I could even come close—but becoming stronger to face whatever life throws at you is definitely where you should want to grow.
Here's his way to think about this:
“You have to build calluses on your brain just like how you build calluses on your hands. Callus your mind through pain and suffering.” David Goggins
When you're familiar with suffering and confident you can move forward, you have an edge in life even while in pain.
Hardening your resolve when challenges face you, and they will, gives you the confidence to say, "I've been through worse; I can take this." You aren't as phased by pain and setbacks the way others are.
If you go through hell, you don't expect to live in heaven at all times.
In what I've read from David Goggins, he believes you have to suffer from growing, and there's no way around it. This idea resonated with me, but I wouldn't say I liked the feeling it gave at first.
You know intellectually you will not succeed at everything, but you hope never to experience disappointment or failure. It doesn't add up. I had to accept that the good of life comes with the bad—even though I wanted to feel like it should be easy and fun.
Goggins says you should train yourself to get stronger by seeking out challenging goals and pushing hard towards achieving them. You'll go through pain, but come out with those calluses to keep you moving forward.
They say life is a marathon and not a sprint, and well, I think it's more of an Iron Man Triathlon. It would be best to excel in many different areas, from managing your emotions to developing and growing employable skills while keeping a positive outlook on life.
It's not simple, but you can succeed at just about anything when you understand you have the power already inside you.
You will become great if you can get through doing all the crap you hate to do. This idea is one Goggins believes, and I've seen work in my life.
Living through health problems and job losses was difficult, but I have to admit that facing rejection regularly is one of the toughest.
As a creative person, rejection is something you must become acquainted with, almost like it's a family member you tolerate. Submitting articles to publications and hearing it's not fit for them, or putting a piece of art out there no one responds to, or even worse gives negative comments about, is a nightmare.
You can't make the possibility of rejection stop you from sharing your work or who you truly are. I like to call my feeling of uncertainty a "Fear Zone." When I notice my reluctance to submit or put something out in the world I worked hard on, I tell myself to run, not walk, into that fear zone.
When something doesn't go how you planned, or someone tells you no, it feels crappy. Sure, you can feel upset and even get mad and depressed, but you must rise again at some point.
When you've built up the mental muscles to handle your disappointments, do the uncomfortable work, and still walk through fear, you may fail many times, but at some point, you will succeed.
Take a tip from David Goggins and start building those mental calluses today.
Want more? If you’re struggling with making authentic work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can discover how to upgrade your mindset and share your creative writing and art with the world.
In America, you dream of dating that perfect someone with hopes of hearing them say, “I love you.” Not only once but every day after. Gazing into your eyes and speaking those three magical words confirms the connection you both have for each other and also puts you at ease.
You know they want to be with you just as much as you want to be with them. All because of saying one little phrase.
It’s not the same in every country. I learned from living in Japan for two years, dating my wife, and now visiting with her for the past twenty—actions speak louder than words.
Saying “I love you” every day if you’re Japanese dilutes the feeling behind the words. I was surprised to learn couples there feel like you should show and not tell.
Or, you could look like a liar—someone who’s hiding something.
Why say the words when your deeds and actions make it very clear how you feel? Even in a Japanese family, you don’t have to show affection and use words to let loved ones know they mean a lot to you. Hugging and kissing all over your spouse? Nope. Telling your children, you love them? No way.
The fact that your delicious dinner was prepared with care and noticing the perfect way your clothes were folded neatly says it all. Picking up something your wife dropped right away and holding the door for her as you walk into a store are impressive gestures of love.
Even the tone of your voice to your partner speaks volumes. Small things, for sure, but vital to making your feeling for the other person clear.
I’m an affectionate person, and of course, growing up in America, I learned not only to show but to most definitely tell how I feel to express love. Learning to understand what my wife expected and needed in our relationship took time and a bit of trial and error.
The idea of having different “Love Languages” popularized by author Gary Chapman in his book series, ‘The Five Love Languages’ has become well-known in the states. Some of us feel more loved when our partner tells us or gives us compliments, and others enjoy physical touch or having someone give them gifts or help them around the house.
To be clear, all of these are fantastic ways to show love, and you should add them to your relationship. Normally, though, one of them makes your partner feel loved deeply. So much so, if you don’t give love in the language they need, they could feel like you’re not meeting their needs and become unhappy or leave.
In Japan, I’m not sure it works the same. Showing your love is all about actions, and what you do and how you show your love to your partner is what matters—part of showing that love means avoiding conflict as much as possible.
Love means keeping the home a peaceful place while keeping your strong opinions quiet for the good of the family and your marriage.
Perhaps ‘The Five Love Languages’ book is translated into Japanese, but I bet the meanings are different. Can you even have a chapter on verbal compliments as a love language? Maybe it becomes the opposite — your partner loves you more, the less they actually say it.
Or, the book is just one long chapter: The Language of Action
When we were dating, I would meet my wife at a train station in Osaka to walk around together and find a place to eat. If I arrived there early, even if she weren’t late, she would be running over to me, looking rushed. Showing me how important it was for her to get there and be with me.
At first, I didn’t understand the importance of this and told her she didn’t have to run over to meet me. Especially if she’s not late, but she didn’t stop doing it. After several dates, I realized how much she cared and wanted to show me how eager she was to meet for our date. It was a sweet gesture.
My love language is more about getting affection, but over time, I grew to appreciate the power of someone I love doing and showing how much they care by treating me each day.
Anyone can say they love you, but can they show it with how they treat you day in and day out for many, many years? I have experience, but I know I’m no expert, but it seems in Japan, you get more respect if you prove love lasts without only saying words.
Life in Japan is tough. People work long hours, commute far to work, and there are pages of cultural rules you must follow to fit in and be considered a good citizen. When you can make life a little easier for your partner by reducing their stress at home or showing them someone cares about their happiness, that’s huge.
I don’t believe, though, this means every Japanese wife is quiet and docile, bowing and obeying their husbands every want and need. Every husband is silent and ignores his family. Maybe some are, but most couples learn how to express their opinions and be honest with each other in a non-threatening way to keep a loving relationship alive.
There are times when so much can be said and understood with just a look or a subtle change in tone of voice.
The ones that don’t figure it out, who yell at each other back and forth, aren’t going to last long. It’s like that in America too, you say? Yes, but in the states, it’s easier to accept the passionate release of honesty as a way of learning more about your partner down the line. It’s a part of our culture of freedom of expression.
Making it a point to not only show love but garner respect over time is paramount. Going through all the inevitable tough times, life throws at you will prove much easier when you have someone who respects you as a person by your side.
My wife and I have learned how to have a nice balance between quiet yet open honesty and showing love through actions. I bet we’re not as loud as other couples when we’re angry with each other, a lot of using the silent treatment, but we know how important we are to one another and work things out.
In terms of long-term relationships, especially in Japan, respect is even more important than a passionate love affair.
You can add some Japanese forms of showing love by doing more little things for your partner. Helping them put on their coat, helping them set the table for dinner, holding your opinion when they’re complaining about work.
If you’re dating someone Japanese, be open to figuring out what works for you both. Discovering how many American and Japanese style relationship pieces to add takes time and is up to you.
Holding hands with your spouse is an accepted way to show love in public in Japan physically. I remember the big deal it was to walk with my wife holding hands in the street. Even bigger because I’m a tall African American, there was no hiding in public.
We hold hands together today when in Japan while walking together and, even though it’s a small gesture, it still feels special.
My wife and I say “I love you” to each other each day, but that’s because I shared what it means to me early on in our relationship. I’m sure because I’m not Japanese makes it easier for her to accept and enjoy hearing it from her husband.
You might not fully understand how another culture handles relationships, but it doesn’t mean they’re doing it wrong. It’s just different.
Opening up to new ways of expressing love can help you and your relationships grow.
Want more? If you’re struggling with making authentic work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can discover how to upgrade your mindset and share your creative writing and art with the world.
This article isn’t just about how precious life is—you know that already.
Going through the experience I’m about to tell you that happened because of my own lousy judgment helped me discover how to look at life and might help you too.
Here’s what started me down this road.
One late evening many years ago, after working all day, I needed to drive five hours south to visit family in Atlanta, Georgia. I was tired, exhausted even. When I look back on it, I know I shouldn’t have been driving a long distance, but I did it anyway.
It was close to midnight, driving down the highway, and I started to dose off. I wasn’t worried, though. Driving long distances is my thing. My confidence in the ability to stay awake, stay focused on the road, and make it to my destination was unshakable.
Until I fell asleep, and my car swerved to the left and hit the median.
My car spun to the right, across every lane of the highway. While spinning, my mind did exactly what I’ve heard other people explain. Time slowed down.
I was in shock, and my car was spinning. I thought another vehicle, or worse, a truck, would run into me. I figured this was it, and I would die. But I didn’t. My car slid down into a shallow ditch on the right side of the highway. I sat there frozen, staring out the window as my mind slowly crept out of the fog of shock covering me.
“I’m alive.” I thought to myself over and over again.
As a Black man sitting in the middle of nowhere Georgia late at night, I was afraid to stay there or even call the cops. Getting the car back on the road was the only option. My engine was still running, so I put it in drive and tried rolling out of the ditch.
The car moved up a little, but my ancient Honda Civic barely had enough power to get up the hill. I floored the gas pedal, and thankfully my prayers were answered as it moved up and back onto the highway.
Not taking any chances, I rolled down my windows, cranked up the radio, and drove the last hour and a half into Atlanta. The scrape on the left side of my car from hitting the median was a small price to pay for keeping my life.
During that ride post-accident, yes, I was grateful to be alive and pissed at myself for driving drowsy. But I realized something.
If things were just a little different, I’d be dead. The truth is, bad things happen and will continue to happen. We must all choose what seemingly bad events mean to us.
Accepting that it’s my responsibility to decide how to think about every event in my life is a privilege I will gladly take on. What I went through sucked, but what I learned from it is powerful.
We can make life better or worse—starting with how we want to see it.
I could have spent the entire ride punching myself in the face for not waiting until the next day, after a good night’s sleep, to drive to Atlanta. My deliberate choice was to focus on the fact that I got myself out of the ditch and back on the road.
Could I have fallen asleep again? Sure. But I decided to push through and reach my destination by ensuring I couldn’t fall asleep again. And you know what? I have never driven long distances at night while tired again. That was my choice. I learned from my mistake.
What if you feel there are no choices in life for you?
The first perspective upgrade to make is recognizing you have the power to think differently about yourself and your situation in life. You don’t have to almost die to understand how powerful changing your thinking about something can be.
I’m a big fan of accepting situations for what they are and then deciding to move forward. Going through an accident where I could have died or have been seriously injured, but didn’t, could have been all I needed to decide never to drive again. Like god was telling me, I don’t belong behind the wheel.
Of course, that’s not true. If everyone stopped driving after getting in one accident, far fewer cars would be on the road. It would be best if you built up resilience to tough times and difficult situations so you can get back in the game after hardships.
I decided to give thanks for coming out of the accident safely and understanding I must be more careful while driving. The lesson I learned helped shape me into a better driver and taught me; even small things can make a huge difference.
When you can make your mistakes into lessons and difficulties into opportunities, you can conquer anything.
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” -Maya Angelou
You don’t need to risk your life to appreciate how much good you can give to the world. All you have to do is make a choice. Choose now.
Upgrading your perspective is easier than you think. Here are several ways to do it without nearly dying.
Take a step back to see the bigger picture. Soar above your life and look at it from above to get a broader perspective. What can you change?
Focus on what you have rather than what you’re missing.
Practice gratitude. Even the smallest blessings are worth your attention.
Try out new things. Stretch yourself with new hobbies or activities. You’ll be forced to open your mind and see life anew.
If something like an accident or health-scare hasn’t happened to you yet, it most likely will. I know that’s morbid to think about, and I apologize. But, staring at death in the face gives you the proper perspective on life. You will discover what truly matters if you haven’t figured it out already.
Fortunately, you don’t have to go through hell to get to an epiphany about life. You can choose to make a change right now.
The power is all yours. Upgrade your perspective and choose the life you desire.
Want more? If you’re struggling with creativity and putting your work out regularly, join my (free) email list, and through comics and articles, discover how to upgrade your mindset here.
Coming up with creative ideas for topics or stories to write about consistently can be challenging. Even when you get them, how can your writing feel authentic and full of life?
In an interview with cartoonist Jef Mallett of the syndicated “Frazz” comic strip, he gave simple yet powerful advice on writing for his same cast of characters week after week.
“Get a life and steal from it.” -Jef Mallett
In his opinion, only taking from other books or TV shows isn’t as powerful as swiping from your life. To do that, you need to live a little. There’s a richness to personal experiences readers can feel.
Leave your house, take risks, and then write about them.
Photo by Kajetan Sumila on Unsplash
One of the biggest names in the fashion industry didn't start designing wedding dresses until age 40.
Vera Wang found her true calling a bit later in life. She pursued her dreams of being a successful athlete but failed to qualify for the 1968 Olympic figure-skating team.
When her sports goals didn't work out as she'd hoped, Vera changed what she yearned for and took on one of her other interests—fashion. Working at Vogue for many years gave her experience and new skills, but, unfortunately, she never rose to the company's top.
Putting time in on the side to design wedding dresses and ultimately open her bridal boutique in the upscale Carlyle Hotel on Madison Avenue in New York City helped put her on the map.
Today, Vera Wang is huge in the fashion realm with a business worth over one billion dollars.
Anyone who succeeds through multiple ups and downs and can pivot into success must have a clear vision to pursue. Deciding what your's is can be easier than you think.
I bet you tend to want it all when it comes to life—all the money, a perfect loving relationship, and a fantastic job. It might even be that you're extremely specific about exactly which company you want to work for or the type of person you most desire.
How about you try picking just three words that cover what you yearn for in life in a broader sense?
Narrowing down what you truly want to three words can help your mind focus and attract the experiences you desire most. This keeps you open to many possibilities and not fixed on specific outcomes.
For example, if you say, "I yearn for kindness, adventure, and peace in my life." this statement will set your mind in motion to attract what you desire.
Making concrete decisions activates the universe to start working for you. Keeping what you yearn for broad and open will give you the flexibility to change when needed.
Me? I yearn for love, freedom, and creativity.
Coming up with those words took several tries. In fact, I might still change them. It gives me a high-level idea of what I need to feel like life is going my way. Something similar to a compass that guides me when I get off track. I can ask myself questions like, "Will this bring more love into my life, or less?" or "Can I gain more freedom from starting this business?"
When you have the three words you yearn for, you're on your way. If they're not all present in your life yet, be careful with how fast you expect them.
Yearning is not desperation. Take your time getting to where you want to go in your life, relationships, and career. Anytime I try to rush things, they turn out less meaningful with little fulfillment.
Make your yearnings like the locations you're walking towards each day. Move steadily ahead but always have your goals in sight. There's so much to discover when you take time to pay attention along the way.
Running fast towards goals makes you miss learning moments. These are important ones that could help you appreciate what you're receiving and help with the knowledge to keep it together.
Yearning leads to doing, then eventually, becoming. I hate to admit sometimes that growth and change are gradual. Patience is not my strong suit. The problem is, you don't see how much you've grown most of the time because changes are so small. Doing more faster usually feels like the more innovative way to get to success. It's not.
Remember, doing small acts leads to more significant success in time. Stacking those little blocks can build on themselves.
If you don't have an overarching idea of what you want your life to feel like, you won't get all you desire. Some favorable aspects can happen by chance and fit into your vision, but a good life you yearn for takes planning and intention most of the time.
Here’s the truth: People who get what they want tend to be the ones who make the effort to know what they want. -Martha Beck
I'm nearly there with my goals of love, freedom, and creativity. The freedom part is still taking time, though, like my dream of not working a day job but choosing to solely because it interests me.
I have more flexibility in my life right now because I know what I'm looking for and can make decisions based on my vision. You can do this too.
Choose your three words to yearn for in life and start taking the steps and strides, like Vera Wang, down the runway towards them. Make sure to carry patience on your back. You'll get there eventually and realize everything you desire is already surrounding you.
Want more? If you're struggling with creativity and putting your work out regularly, join my (free) email list, and through comics and articles, discover how to upgrade your mindset here.
When I watched Awkwafina, aka Nora Lum, in the film Crazy Rich Asians, I laughed and thought the outlandish character she played using a New York-style “Blaccent” was a lot of fun as long as it was for that character alone.
Surely, she wouldn’t continue playing roles as an Asian talking with a stereotypically Black accent. Man, was I wrong?
She played a similar role as Constance in the movie Ocean’s 8. She’s a rapper who dresses up in hip-hop clothing and jumps around in her videos on YouTube, caricaturing Black rappers.
Her upcoming role in the Marvel action flick, Shang-Chi, looks to be more of the same. In fact, she said playing Asian stereotypes is not her thing, but she’ll gladly play a character with a blaccent?
Courtesy of Twitter.
As an African-American man married to a Japanese woman, I’m divided.
Proud to see an Asian woman rising the ranks in Hollywood going about it her own way. Disappointed, however, about Awkwafina’s decisions when it comes to performing what feels like Asian Blackface in her movie roles.
I read she’s from Queens, New York, which I imagined meant she went to school with Hispanic and Black students as friends. Possibly even developing her blaccent as a way to fit in and feel accepted.
It turns out she lived in Forest Hills, Queens, which is mainly a middle-class white and Asian area. How much interaction with Black folks did she have?
Yes, New York is one of the most culturally diverse cities globally, so one would hope she had a few black friends growing up. If so, though, what are those friends saying about her performances now?
If Awkwafina were my friend, as a Black guy, I would have to tell her she can’t keep using a fake Black accent. It’s disrespectful to my people, and to top it off, she’s profiting off of it.
Go in a different direction.
Awkwafina has good comedic timing and plenty of charisma and personality. Her raspy voice and delivery are distinctive and help her stand out. She doesn’t need the fake blackness sprinkled on top.
Why not?
She’s not black, so it’s not cool.
But Awkwafina’s a rapper, you might say. Sure, I’ll take that. Rapping is different. It’s so mainstream nowadays. Hip-hop and rap are for everyone. I’m good, as long as she’s not throwing out the “N-word” all over her lyrics—she can rap all she wants.
We watched Disney’s Raya and the Last Dragon animated film, and I recognized her voice as the dragon, Sisu. Her performance stood out and helped ground the fantasy world they created. It worked.
She didn’t need her blaccent.
I know she’s benefitting from cultural appropriation, but why not look at that as what helped get her foot in the door. There’s no doubt Hollywood producers are chasing after her to play more “Asian Black” roles, but she can turn them down. Just like she turns down the stereotypical Asian roles she boasts about.
Suppose you’re going to steer clear of stereotypes, fine, but take a turn and use a different road. Black people deserve respect.
I think the people get that I’m just kind of an anomaly in a certain way. -Awkwafina
Let’s admit it. If she were a white woman acting in roles where she uses a Black accent or behaves like a “Wigger,” everyone would be outraged. For some reason, the majority in this country feel fine with an Asian woman using Black stereotypes.
Once again, if she played a character in one role, I wouldn’t be upset. It’s one movie. I could look at it as a character she played that worked well for the film she was in.
Apparently, she created her character of Awkwafina in High School inspired by the bottled water company Aquafina as a joke. It helped her step out into the limelight as she moved through her young life and started performing on stage.
College was like prison reform where I learned to be quiet and more passive — so when Awkwafina comes out on stage, she’s that crazy high school kid that doesn’t really care about anything.
It also means she has a persona to hide behind when the world gets fed up with her caricatures. Pretty convenient.
If she wasn’t as multi-talented as she is, I could cancel her without hesitation. The issue is, she’s good, funny, creative, and I want to see more of what she does. I feel angry and a bit guilty inside for liking her work. Mainly because I know she won’t stop robbing Black folk's stereotypical behavior to get attention and pay her bills.
If you’re Awkwafina’s best friend and reading this article, please stop her.
When you have talent, acting experience, a Golden Globe award, and success in film, TV, and music, you don’t need to rely on lampooning minorities.
Say no to all stereotypes. Not just the ones that are Asian. Focus on creating your own brand of comedy character acting style.
I’ll be sitting front and center, with popcorn, when she does.
Illustrated by the author.
Two years ago, I quit my secure art teaching job for a position as a copywriter at a large medical device company. In the middle of the school year, no less—not a wise move in education.
Most teachers wait to leave until June, when they’ve completed a full school year. A great idea if you’re moving to another teaching job. Unfortunately, the corporate world isn’t on the same schedule.
I was scared about what this might do to my teaching career but ready to tackle a new challenge in a different profession.
I worked as a freelance copywriter for more than two years while teaching full-time and was ready to transition into writing more and teaching less. Leaving education at the mid-point of the year wasn’t ideal, but I knew this opportunity would be a good one.
This doesn’t sound too crazy you might think.
I didn’t mention yet, the new copywriter job was a temporary contract position for three months with only a possibility for extension. I was taking a huge risk.
Some people called me a fool. Others, were openly encouraging, but I bet were thinking to themselves I must have lost my mind.
What if I sucked, and they didn’t extend my contract past three months? Working as a contractor can turn into a permanent position, though. They might love the work I do for them and hire me on. Would I be able to get a job in education again if this position didn’t work out?
Even I felt a little crazy. Some days I was thinking, “What am I doing?” Inside, though, I had a feeling it would all work out.
I follow matchmaker and business columnist Paul Carrick Brunson on LinkedIn and he posted this video talking about his experience with being called a fool for taking risks in his personal life and career. Until he became a success and everyone switched and starting calling him brilliant.
He invested his wife’s savings in his matchmaker business. They called him a fool. He pulled his kids out of school to homeschool them. Foolish, they said.
According to Paul, he was called a fool for fifteen years before it all changed. Now, he’s interviewed regularly on television and people are incredibly impressed with his advice and the success he’s accomplished in his business.
The thing is, this praise only started in the past five years. The first fifteen, he was called a fool. If Paul had given up and listened to the naysayers, he wouldn’t have made it past “fool” status to “brilliant” where he is now.
You not only need the confidence to stick with what you know is right, but the patience to reap the benefits. We all want success to happen right away but good things take time.
Paul Carrick Brunson has been at it for twenty years. I was teaching for seventeen before moving into a corporate position. Having years of knowledge and experience can help you move out or back into a career when needed.
I’d love to tell you I’m still working the copywriting job at the tech company but when the pandemic hit, a hiring freeze ruined my chances of staying on. They did extend my original three month contract three more months. Then, added on another six months.
The medical device industry is difficult to write creatively in because of all the medical and legal regulations. You have to be very careful with the words you use and make sure to back up any promises or claims.
I was frustrated and wanted to leave after a year but something funny happened. The writing and business started making sense to me. I was getting good.
Fortunately, they extended my contract another six months. Unfortunately, the hiring freeze brought on by the fear and uncertainty of the pandemic lockdown meant I wouldn’t get a permanent position. They could only keep me for eighteen months in total, so I knew my time was running out.
I didn’t regret my decision to risk working as a contractor, though. My goal was to gain corporate experience at a tech company as a writer. My writing improved, I met amazing people, and learned a great deal.
Maybe it wasn’t the secure choice, but it was worth it.
You know what you need to do to live the life you want. I bet it’s the opinion of others that’s slowing you down or making you feel like you’re crazy.
Ignore them. One thing I’ve learned over years of taking risks that looked kooky to others at the time but ended up working out in the end is, people will give you props and respect when you succeed.
As long as you have a plan and can see how where you’re going can provide new skills to help you become who you want to be, you’re golden.
People might not have understood your vision or goals at first, but when it all comes together, suddenly, you’re looked at as intelligent and resourceful.
Fine. Accept the kind words and don’t get upset with the fact that it took the time and effort it did. Stay in the game long enough to take risks where you win or lose, and keep going until you build something you’re proud of and garners respect.
One thing is true, the majority of people are afraid to go against what’s safe and secure.
Nothing is secure.
Even though taking calculated risks may look ridiculous to the average person. You don’t have to be an average person.
My final point is one Paul Carrick Brunson pointed out in his video message. Don’t listen to the noise. Your friends and family care about you and mainly want the best, but they don’t understand your path.
You know what you have to do. They might not see it but that doesn’t mean they’re right. They care about you and don’t want to see you get hurt. Give thanks for them and ignore their negativity and fear. Do what you have to do.
As long as it’s well-thought-out and doesn’t harm anyone in the process, go for it. You can always make another decision later if it doesn’t go the way you hoped.
If only this type of confidence were easy. It’s not. To make it through, you may have to:
Deal with feeling your heart pounding in fear in the beginning of your journey at the same time you’re holding your head up high to appear sure of yourself.
Listen to other people’s negative comments about your choices while thinking of the reasons why you’re going about it this way so you stay confident.
Remember, when times get tough, success is a marathon, not a sprint. It will all feel slow when you’re in the thick of it, but when you look back at all you’ve accomplished, it will all be rewarding.
I’m back teaching art again. My connections from previous schools helped me get a job in education after losing my copywriter position.
At first, I felt like a failure for only moving out of teaching for a year and a half and then having to go back. Then, I saw how what I learned transferred over to education. In fact, I was able to add communications onto my responsibilities by writing blogs and posting to social media for my school along with teaching art.
If I ever want to go back into copywriting in the future, I’ll always have the corporate experience I gained at the tech company to help.
Brilliant? You be the judge.
So far, it’s working well for me.
People in medieval Europe just wanted to get it on. Or, they just wanted arranged marriages to make money for their families.
Marriage was about sex or status back in the middle ages.
We expect so much more from it now, which is lovely in some ways but can be damaging.
With the church having a great deal of power in medieval Europe, as a Christian, the only way to make sweet love to your partner without burning in hell was to marry them.
Fortunately, for couples back then, the rules were pretty loose.
The only requirement for a binding marriage was the consent of the two people involved—no need to ask your family or bring in a priest. You could get married just about anywhere at any time. Forget about witnesses. You didn’t need them.
Wanna get married at your buddy’s house down the street? At the local pub? How about in bed? Sure! No problem.
You got married so you could make love whenever you wanted and take care of each other. Plenty of relationships were arranged, sometimes before the couple even meets each other, to help the families gain status or money.
Having concerns about falling in love or fulfillment wasn’t the main focus. I believe in love, but I also feel we’re taking our ideas of what marriage can do for us too far.
Discovering this enlightening bit of history made me think about how much we expect from marriage today. I believe in taking it seriously and honoring its sanctity. Still, I bet people would enjoy the bonds of marriage more with a little less weight stacked on top.
I’ve been married for over fifteen years to my amazing wife, and even though we’ve been through ups and downs, I’m glad we’ve stayed together. We both choose every day to make the relationship better or work together on issues that need improvement.
My wife and I view marriage this way because we both had divorced parents when we were kids. I think it forces us to look at our relationship every day and ask, “Is this worth breaking up over?”
We know how it feels not to have both parents together, so we constantly check ourselves over what’s most important.
Unlike in medieval times, we are blessed with so much because life is much easier now. We think marriage should fulfill us physically and spiritually. Our partners should be our everything. Having children should be a magnificent blessing that improves our lives tenfold.
Many people think uniting with another should wash away their pain and make life easier.
Until we actually do all of these things and realize that married life with children is complicated and stressful. Heck, I have only one child, and everything is crazy. Imagining raising multiple kids fills me with anxiety.
Yes, family life is more fulfilling, and you can have a great deal of fun if you work together as partners, but life is not easier. In a lot of ways, it’s more complicated.
The only way to end a marriage in the middle ages was to prove it never existed. All the experiences, time, and effort you put into building something together with someone — erased.
I know people still do this today by getting an annulment. Still, the fact that we have more choices now can make you think about what you plan to get from vowing to stay true to only one other person for life.
Are your expectations even realistic?
Maybe you desire certain things from your partner because you watched your parents growing up doing or trying to be that for each other. Does that mean it’s okay?
Have you decided love means your wife makes dinner for you every night or your husband must make a certain amount of money?
Marriage can look the way you both decide. Try lowering your expectations brought on by childhood and talk about what your actual needs are. This might not look like a traditional marriage. Your parents might disagree, but if how you live together is safe and works for you, go for it.
If you’re unhappy with how much your partner is giving to you, try cutting in half what you expect from them. Decide what’s most vital for you to feel loved, and ask your partner for more of those one or two aspects.
Your spouse cannot, and should not, be your everything.
Do you think married couples in the middle ages were concerned their partner isn’t there emotionally for them twenty-four hours a day?
They were too busy trying to survive. Life now may feel much more manageable than back then, but the truth is, we’re all still trying to survive. In nicer homes with more comfort — but it’s survival nonetheless.
Giving your marriage all you’ve got but at the same time relaxing your expectations is challenging but possible. Most relationship issues can be worked out by being open with your partner and having uncomfortable yet honest conversations.
An exception will be if you’re with someone physically or verbally abusing you. That is a reason to leave. No one should keep trying to keep a relationship alive with someone who treats them like trash.
Of course, sometimes a marriage should end. I get it. I’ve had relationships back when I was dating, where we parted for various reasons. Breakups are hard. I believe most bad marriages can survive, though.
Let’s say you both want drastically different things out of life, and you’re moving in different directions. I can see that pulling a marriage apart.
Being open with each other about your needs and where you’d like to go in life makes it easier to figure things out. I bet you could work something out if you’re both committed to being flexible.
You could decide to follow and support your partner as they pursue their needs for a set number of years, and then you get a chance next, and then they help you. This means you’ll have to slow down what you’re pursuing for a time, but when your spouse moves forward, you’re there with them, knowing you helped along the way. Then, it’s your turn to push ahead.
When you take the commitment aspect of marriage seriously but keep an open mind about how it should look and feel depending on your needs, you’ll make better decisions.
Married life may be more complicated today compared to the middle ages. But with more freedom and choices in our society, we have to choose to take full responsibility.
Get better at choosing what marriage will look like together with your partner, and you’ll be centuries ahead of the crowd
Illustrated by the author.
Who won’t let extroverts get in your way
Do you have what it takes to be introverted and still succeed?
Our society places a load of respect on extroverts and the importance of breaking out of your shell. But is being a social butterfly really the height of human existence?
If you’re the type of person who wants to hide away from it all and spend your time working on projects, it’s viewed as a negative that can often hurt introverts.
I’m an introvert, trained to be more social and extroverted because I thought it would help me succeed. Now, I’m discovering I don’t need to put myself out there as much as I once thought.
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re weak.
I’m sure there are introverts with more confidence than me. Living extraordinary lives — working behind the scenes and staying comfortable in the shadows — being who they are meant to be.
And not apologizing for it at all.
I believe the idea of whether or not you’re extroverted or introverted is a relatively new concept in our society. So when I asked my parents which one they are, they were surprised by this distinction, and I had to explain the differences to help them pick.
An extrovert is outwardly focused and not only enjoys socializing with others but gets energized by attending significant events and parties. Spending a great deal of time in groups and talking with someone else brings them to life. They need the time together with people to fill up their tanks and to feel fulfilled.
On the flip side, an introvert is more inwardly focused and might enjoy social activities. Still, it gets their energy sucked out of them by spending too much time around others. It doesn’t mean they’re just shy. I actually love talking with friends and going to fun events. Still, I can only stay for a certain amount of time before I’m exhausted.
For an introvert like me, going home and having quiet time alone helps to recharge my batteries to feel like myself again. Relaxing with a good book or having a chance to be in my own head while writing or drawing feels like heaven.
Let’s decide right now to not let extroverts put us down.
This looks like a black and white type of issue, but it isn’t. The degree to which side you fall on varies. You could have a little more extroversion but love your time alone to think and process your experiences.
Wherever you may fall on the introvert/extrovert spectrum, you should feel good about it. Some studies show introverts don’t need to behave like extroverts.
As introverts, we have what it takes to be successful in business and in life. But it just might look a little different.
Maybe even better.
Here are four signs of unapologetic introverts and how you can be more like them:
Being introverted is fantastic. Accepting that fact with confidence and pride is essential for success. But, of course, there’s nothing wrong with acting like an extrovert to properly introduce yourself to new people and engage in exciting conversations.
Still, it doesn’t mean you have to be outgoing at all times.
When you feel like leaving — for time alone to recharge — do it. Think about how vital it is for you to have time to yourself and figure out a thoughtful way to say, “Thanks, but I gotta go.” then escape.
No matter how tempting it is to try forcing yourself to speak up in meetings, for example, when you’d rather listen, go with what your gut tells you. You can say to yourself, “There’s power in silence.” to give you the confidence to stay quiet.
If you have something to say, share it, but don’t feel obligated.
Unapologetic introverts think ahead and know how they’ll behave around others because they’re comfortable being themselves. They understand that sometimes they have to do extroverted activities and be more outgoing. Still, they can put a limit on how often.
Did you know, introverts excel at problem-solving, academics, regulating their behavior, and taking fewer risks that may cause harm compared to extroverts. In other words, they’re thinkers, and I would guess, planners.
Use this to your advantage.
Prepare for the situation you are about to enter and decide how you’ll handle things. Know what you want to receive and how you’d like to be perceived and be ready with responses based on your personal beliefs. This may be you deciding on boundaries of what you will and will not do or how someone will treat you.
Begin with the end in mind. Even picking work or a business that doesn’t require you to be around a large number of people for hours on end takes knowledge of self and forethought.
I like choosing to spend time talking with one good friend instead of several together at a large gathering. Studies have shown that the connection and meaning I and other introverts get from more intimate conversations helps bring them joy.
If you’re someone who values the individual person you’re with, the other person will sense they have your full attention and feel special.
Courageous introverts know when to say “No” and are not ashamed when they need time away. True solitude must be scheduled when you have a busy life and a load of responsibilities. Alone time and creative thinking breaks are like that precious pot of gold they guard with their life.
Come to think of it, they take time for fun, not just make time. Introverts do the work that makes money and the side hustle that is their passion but will make sure to spend quiet time on activities for sheer fun and enjoyment.
Taking away from other activities or chores for what brings you joy is a start. In addition, learning to manage your time better is a massive help and can free up more space for quiet reflection.
Add your solitude retreats to your calendar. Make them just as important as a meeting with a client. The more you see it on your list of to-dos for the day, the more you’ll take them seriously.
If someone tries to cut into your solitude time, tell them no, unless it’s an emergency, then add another solitude entry on your calendar right away.
What if someone doesn’t understand your decisions? No worries. Introverts worth their salt are not afraid to explain who they are when deemed necessary. After all, who else will look out for them?
The default behavior in society is extroversion, so if you’re moving in the other direction, let ’em know.
You can be direct and clear about what you need and why.
Share, openly and honestly, when you’re not comfortable doing something and let people know why. Then, the other person will see what you need and get to know you as an individual.
Suppose I need time to myself to draw, for example. In that case, it’s better to talk to my wife about possible times in the day where I can have a couple of hours to illustrate a comic strip.
She knows me well, but I can still tell her I’m feeling emotionally drained and need time to refill my creative spirit. That way, she gets that I’m not trying to run away from her, but the time is for helping me stay balanced.
When you’re an unapologetic introvert, you teach people how to treat you and show them who you are. Give them the reasons for your choices but add how they will benefit you and how not doing it could possibly hurt.
One example, if you’re uncomfortable with a crowded gathering, you have no problems saying, “No, thank you. That event will be overly stimulating for me and drain my energy.”
Naturally, there are times when you must put yourself out there for business or help family and friends. If the person cares for you, though, they’ll understand if you decline. But, on the other hand, if they don’t understand, well, you know that living authentically as an introvert means there’s no reason to apologize.
Let’s value our quiet alone time more often and embrace solitary thinkers. Hiding from socializing doesn’t mean you’re weak. Instead, accept the power of being who you’re truly meant to be.
You don’t have to be the center of attention to gain respect. In fact, if you’re someone who listens and asks pointed questions well, people will admire your attention and care for them and the situation. Especially if it’s clear you don’t need to be in the spotlight.
You’re fine speaking only when necessary.
When you’re proud to be an introvert, you’ll discover your quiet confidence has value and will garner respect. So go forth, and be the introvert you were meant to be today.
Photo by Emilio Williams on Unsplash
Remember that time you were writing and feeling stressed out? Perhaps, you thought of taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. Great idea. I love breathing exercises, but I’ve added one more practice to my “instant mindfulness” routine I’d like to share with you.
Observing your hands.
It’s as simple as it sounds. When I feel overwhelmed or stressed, I look at my hands and appreciate whatever they happen to be doing.
Let me tell you how this hand observing idea came to me. I enjoy doing a few yoga poses in the morning, like upward and downward-facing dog and warrior poses. I noticed how focused on my hands I needed to be for proper form.
Why not pay attention to my hands while doing other things in my day? Like, when I write something with a pen, a rare activity nowadays. Or when I’m holding hands with my wife.
This tiny bit of gratitude ends up expanding and going further than you can imagine.
As a teacher, cartoonist, and writer, there’s so much to get done and keep up with each day. I have trouble slowing myself down sometimes. Even though I love it, I don’t always have time to do yoga. When I get a chance, I appreciate it more and see how my hands move and support me while holding poses.
Accepting that, as a parent, I’ll get very little quiet time for myself at home, finding quick ways to experience mindfulness is vital.
Getting in the mindset of “Even a little time for being in the moment is better than nothing.” helps lift away stress. You don’t need to spend twenty minutes meditating or thirty minutes of yoga to be mindful. Just noticing what your hands are up to can pull you back to your center.
If I’m at my laptop writing an article, I watch my hands typing for a few seconds. Then stop to give thanks for this opportunity to write and be a creative person.
Opening up this type of awareness often leads to breathing slowly and deeply and feeling gratitude for other blessings in your life. Your mood can change instantly. A smile might slide across your face. Become aware of the truth. You’re practicing mindfulness.
“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it. (21)”
― Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life
Believe it or not, even folding laundry can be a time for taking note of what your hands are doing. You’re taking care of your clean clothes, and having those clothes and the ability to wash them with relative ease is a blessing. Folding for your family could lead to a flood of emotions as you feel gratitude for being able to provide and care for them.
Rarely are we paying attention to all our hands can get done in a day. Using this “Observe Mindfulness Skill,” you can expand to other parts of your body. Notice where your feet are walking during the day. How they look without socks as you wiggle your toes.
In short, pay attention. It takes very little time and even less effort.
Clearly, observing your hands is a great way to turn inward for mindfulness throughout the day, but how do you remember to do it? This may seem childish but, write something on your hand.
It could be a word like “Breathe” or “Relax” written in big black letters on your palm or on the outside of your hand. This will get you into the habit of paying attention — and possibly embarrassing you enough around others — to remember to make time for mindfulness observation.
I know you’re thinking about all the tech gadgets that can send you alerts to remember to be mindful. Go ahead and use those if it works for you. The low-tech reminders tend to work better for me, like putting post-it notes all over. Try to make it fun, so you enjoy the idea of finding peace in your day.
Remember, taking time for gratitude and mindfulness doesn’t have to be a chore. All you have to do is look at your hands.
Was over a month of sickness worth it?
Photo taken by the author.
We should all get vaccinated. It’s the right thing to do for you and for your country.
Even if this story sounds like I don’t trust them, I believe in vaccines. Unfortunately, my experience didn’t go the way I thought it would.
The first dose was no problem. Everyone told me it wouldn’t be all that bad, so I wasn’t worried. I was thrilled to get the second dose of the Moderna vaccine — even more excited when a few days after it, I didn’t have serious side effects. Feeling exhausted and a bit lightheaded didn’t bother me all that much. I didn’t have any flu-like symptoms — until day ten.
They tell you to wait until fourteen days after the second shot to know you’re protected. I was ready to enjoy that relief, but all I got was a fever of 105 degrees and chills that shook my body for hours.
I’m a teacher, and this all started in the middle of my spring break when I should be relaxing and enjoying life without planning lessons and managing a full schedule. Instead, I was buried under a pile of blankets to stop myself from shivering like crazy.
My wife and I didn’t think about this having anything to do with the vaccine because so many days passed. When I started feeling nauseous and throwing up, then dry heaving, we figured it was something else.
What we all fear right now came into our heads, “Do I have Covid? But I’m fully vaccinated!” and we called the advice nurse to try and get a clue what was going on. They weren’t sure what I had, but I knew something was off. Each day, I called the nurse hotline for three days as my fever remained, and I felt like crap.
On the fourth day, finally, I talked with a doctor. They heard all of my symptoms and simply said, “Get to the emergency room right now.” So, the family jumped in the car, and we drove to the hospital.
Little did I know, this would not be my only time in the E.R.
Fortunately, it wasn’t extremely busy at the hospital when we arrived. Still, it was upsetting that, due to covid, they could only allow one family member in with me. Which meant, since both my wife and daughter (who’s too young to be left alone) came, I would need to go in alone.
My heart sank as they rammed a long Q-tip up my nose for the covid test, making my eyes water insanely, and took my blood pressure. My family waited outside, and we waved goodbye to each other through the window as the nurse brought me into the E.R. room.
Talk about a day of discomfort. I was hooked to an I.V. and given fluids into my right arm while a blood pressure monitor was placed around my left arm to check me every thirty minutes. No one knew exactly what was wrong, so they decided to do a bunch of tests.
From blood tests to urine. A rather uncomfortable finger-poke in the bum to check my prostate, a chest X-ray, to a C.T. scan of my mid-section — I felt like an alien species they needed to study for the benefit of science.
After seven hours of poking and prodding, the doctors finally found the cause of my sickness. They didn’t think it was covid and thought I might have problems with my lungs. It turned out I had a prostate infection called Prostatitis. This prostate inflammation was causing all the high fevers and feeling sick to my stomach.
I asked if this had anything to do with receiving the second dose of the vaccine. Not surprisingly, the doctor denied any vaccine connection to my condition.
Considering that the sickness started ten days after, they said it’s most likely some other reason. I didn’t change anything about my life, though, and I’m usually a pretty healthy guy. The only new addition was the Moderna vaccine poke. Could it have changed something about my body chemistry and brought on this prostate inflammation?
I’m not a doctor, so I didn’t argue. “What do I know?” I thought. The vaccine is basically a medical miracle. So, I’m pretty sure no doctor wants to connect any severe side effects if they can avoid it. So, I nodded and smiled under my mask so they could finish up and release me to go home.
You know how easy it is to get sucked into researching when health issues pop up. I learned that the Moderna vaccine causes inflammation in the skin. Is it far-fetched to think inflammation could occur inside the body? Like in the prostate? I bet it’s possible.
I’m not someone who gets sick all that often. Having to go to the hospital every week while on antibiotics to get blood work done was, I must say, less than enjoyable. What did the doctors think would happen while dealing with a prostate infection?
I’ll tell you — my urine turned brown, and I was freaking out. That can’t be good. Right? This is over a week after my first E.R. visit. I got an email from the doctor saying she looked at my latest blood test, and my liver enzymes and creatine kinase (C.K.) levels were super high. Normal C.K. levels should be at about 55 when mine were at…150,000!
My doctor politely encouraged me to “Get to the emergency room as soon as possible.” There I went again. Going through the process and giving blood and urine tests as doctors ask me what’s going on. Asking did I exercise heavily that week or are prone to seizures.
This made no sense to me, but one doctor put it all together.
I told them about the intense shaking I had, for hours, with the chills at the beginning of the infection. Apparently, that was similar to having a seizure, and it taxed my muscles to the max.
The doctor said I had Rhabdomyolysis or, Rhabdo as all the nurses and doctors were calling it. Everyone who talked to me said I didn’t look all that bad, but this condition is severe. Rhabdo occurs when damaged muscle tissue releases its proteins and electrolytes into the blood. These substances could damage the heart and kidneys and cause permanent disability or even death.
Death? Good gracious!
You have to drink loads of water and Gatorade throughout the day to hydrate and flush out the toxins. I put down plenty of liquids, and most days, it never seemed like enough. I was constantly thirsty. Not to mention, my body felt like I had arthritis, a low level of pain and discomfort as I moved, and generally feeling exhausted.
You can’t exercise while healing from Rhabdo either. Only going for walks. Definitely no weight training or running.
It would take a few weeks for my body to work through the Rhabdo and get back to functioning at 100%. I decided not to take time off from teaching because it’s too close to the end of the school year. My plan was to take time for rest each day and pace myself. Then, when school is out for the summer, rest and relax like a boss.
Looking back now, maybe I should have taken a week or two off because I landed back in the E.R. yet again.
The two weeks of antibiotics were done, and I felt grateful that I’m most likely healed from the prostate infection. I would only need to get through Rhabdo and not need to go to the hospital again. I was so tired of seeing the E.R.
I got up at 2am one night to pee, feeling a bit dizzy, and afterward, while washing my hands, I felt lightheaded, and my face looked pale. Not good. As I walked back to my bed, I sat on the edge before lying down because it was difficult to breathe.
I blacked out and fell flat on the floor. My wife woke up and was in shock, running over to help. My daughter bolted out of her room and followed suit. This must have been a nightmare for them, not knowing what’s going on with me. They tried helping me stand up, even though I have no memory of this, and I passed out again. When I got up and blacked out a third time, my wife called the paramedics.
Fortunately, they arrived within five minutes and put me into the ambulance. Once again, due to covid, only one person could come with me to the hospital, so that meant both my wife and daughter had to watch me leave but were not allowed to ride along. I’m so thankful for them helping me and calling 911 so quickly. Having my daughter get traumatized by watching her father faint and get carried away on a stretcher was not a memory I wanted for her childhood.
The paramedics took good care of me and noticed that my blood pressure dropped very low. Probably due to the side effects of Rhabdo and my blood pressure medication was plunging it down even further.
Back to the arm wrapped in a blood pressure monitor and the other on the I.V. fluids in an uncomfortable bed in the E.R., It was starting to feel like my second home. I even recognized a few nurses. They told me to stop taking one of my B.P. meds, the hydrochlorothiazide, that makes me pee more to get rid of salt. I needed to keep as much fluid inside of me as possible while healing from Rhabdo.
I was only in the E.R. for a few hours this time, and my family could pick me up at 6am. Don’t worry, I took a day off from work and rested. It was a Friday morning, so I had the weekend to take it easy.
I’m still healing, feeling weak and tired, combined with that odd all-over-body discomfort that can make me feel like crying at times. At forty-six years old, This is the first time I’ve been through something this lousy health-wise. Over a month of discomfort. All after getting the second dose of the Moderna vaccine.
If I knew then what I know now, would I get the vaccine again?
Yes. In a heartbeat.
What I’ve been through was tough. When I think about what people who’ve battled through Covid-19 have endured, this doesn’t seem so bad. Plus, knowing that I’m helping to slow the spread of the virus helps me feel like a member of a worldwide family.
I know what you’re thinking. The doctor said none of this was from the vaccine. Okay. That’s probably true. Maybe it was all bad timing, but my wife and I have been together for almost twenty years, and she’s never seen me this sick.
When you get your vaccine, I genuinely hope you won’t have to go through what I experienced. Thank you for taking the risk to help yourself, your family, and your community if and when you get it. I was unlucky, but most of my friends and family were okay.
As I heal from a series of health problems, the U.S. is opening up, and things are looking better for schools and businesses. I’m thankful to have been a part of helping by getting my two jabs.
Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash
Walking into the art studio with my finished clay project in hand, I knew it was the best work I’d done in a long time. With other classes and homework to complete that week, I didn’t put much time into this one. Still, I was sure its creativity and energy would impress my professor.
Compared with sculptures from other students in class that day, I could tell theirs looked technically better. Mine had all the vitality, though!
I might have finished it quickly, but it was eye-catching.
The professor was surely going to give me a high grade and plenty of praise. Maybe even talk about how good it is to the rest of the class.
Little did I know, I was about to learn a lesson that would stick with me for the rest of my life.
When the teacher entered and started walking around the class, checking in with each student, I was hoping she would get to me last. I wanted her to be amazed by my brilliance after looking at the others.
I could see her face as she spotted my sculpture, my powerful piece of a man in a running pose with a loose shirt moving in the wind. Her head cocked to the side as she slowly approached my table. After pausing for a brief moment, she said, “The pose is dynamic, with a nice solid structure, but make sure to put more time and effort into your craftsmanship.”
Hold on a second. What kind of praise was that?
She liked it but wanted me to spend more time on details and making it look finished; she continued telling me further to make it a better quality final product. She was basically calling it energetic rubbish.
The professor used this opportunity to turn to the class and discuss the importance of craftsmanship. Right in front of my art — clearly, the example of what not to do.
I learned the importance, that day, of putting more effort into the finished product and calming my ego.
I thought all of the energy in my work would speak for itself. I didn’t understand how evident a lack of good craftsmanship can be in what you create. Needless to say, I was embarrassed and humbled.
Craftsmanship.
This word is one I would hear many times over my art education. The importance of craftsmanship and how that separates the novice from the professional.
Paying attention to details and putting in the time to create a quality piece of art was drilled into me after that. Fortunately, I learned to organize my time and put in the work.
Other than art, I believe we can use this concept to help improve our lives.
After twenty years of creative life both here and abroad, I’ve found living with intention instead of haphazardly here and there helps bring what you desire.
Here’s a simple way to look at crafting your life.
Anytime life kicks you in the rear, or you feel you’re not going in the right direction, remember to put these three points into action.
Put down all the possible ways these goals could be achieved and think about what connects them. Like creating a piece of art, you’re building the sketch or rough draft of your final product, working out the kinks, and developing a vision. Reading them to yourself as if you already have them, in the present, is like magic for attracting your desires.
There’s no way around it. You must take risks if you want to succeed. Keeping them thoughtful and careful should be a part of your detailed goals. Even if you’re afraid, you will need to step out into the unknown at some point.
Moving forward with consistent action will help your skills grow and give you more chances for luck. It might take more time filled with regular, daily work than you think, but you will reach success if you’re putting in the time regularly to produce.
Even when you’ve reached your goal, you should continue forward. There is no finish line. The work, the skills you learn, and the positive influence you have on others are how you measure success. If I can learn to put more effort into crafting a beautiful piece of art and apply it to my life, you can take a similar approach.
A successful life is an art, so start sculpting yours today.
Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash
I have a friend who always talks about making significant changes in his life but never does. He says he wants to change careers and move to another city, but he avoids taking steps to make the leap.
Why?
I know you’re thinking he’s just afraid of the unknown, but I believe it’s more than that.
After spending the past twenty years of my life moving around and even living overseas in Japan, I know what motivated me to step out of my comfort zone.
I wish I could say it was because I’m so brave, and “risk” is my middle name. That’s not true at all. I’m actually afraid of change and scared of the unknown.
What drives me forward — and what my friend could use more of–is curiosity.
One of my goals is to ignite this spirit of curiosity when teaching my students and get them to ask more questions. Good questions lead to knowing more, seeing more, and ultimately experiencing more than what you have inside your bubble of safety.
Here’s the thing — even though it feels nice and warm in that bubble, your determination to discover more and get those questions answered will shove your fears aside. You’ll have the confidence to burst out of your comfort zone.
Fears will still be there, just not barking at you as loud as they were. You’ll have a reason that propels you forward and gives you the confidence to face uncertainty.
Curiosity charges up your “why” with more power than your fears.
Not only in making life moves, but in establishing new relationships. Suppose you’re looking to meet new friends or start dating again after a tough breakup. In that case, it’s been proven curiosity can be the key to personal growth.
Their study concludes that the degree to which people are curious actively influences their personal growth opportunities and the level of intimacy that develops when they meet someone new.
-Patricia Donovan
Sometimes “What if?” Looking back on my life, what if I was never curious about Japanese culture and language? I would never have had the balls to move there to teach English.
My interest in the Japanese language was strong. Still, I’ve always been too shy to speak other languages easily in front of people.
As the only foreigner in my town, living in Japan forced me to learn Japanese and speak it often. I had to push past my fears and face the embarrassment of mispronouncing words in front of native speakers.
What if, when another American teacher of English invited me to hang out with her new Japanese girlfriends and mentioned, “They’re both single!” and If I had said, “No, thanks.”
I would never have met my wife.
I needed to follow the curiosity and interest in who her friends were. Of course, they might have been people I didn’t get along well with, and we could have had a terrible time together. It was a risk I will take because I was curious.
Curiosity leads me overseas and to meeting the woman of my dreams. Travel and relationships aren’t easy, but they’re an example of how your life can change if you are interested in the wider world.
What about my friend who’s afraid of making changes? I wouldn’t give him unsolicited advice, but here are the benefits of curiosity I would share if he ever asks.
When you live with an active sense of curiosity:
Having an interest in many new things means learning and adjusting regularly. Yes, the positive side effect is never getting bored.
How could you when you constantly have new experiences and relationships to navigate and explore?
If you ever run out of interest, ask more questions.
There’s always going to be discomfort in any decision or path you choose to take. If you say it’s too scary and do nothing, you’ll have to deal with the discomfort of not reaching your goals.
When you decide to go for it, there’s also discomfort, but for something you really want.
Choose the discomfort that gets you closer to your dreams.
If you want to move forward in life, you’d better become familiar with and embrace the fear.
Living with curiosity also means you will have an easier time remembering information and a more accessible time learning skills connected with your new pursuits. As you learn more, you have a deeper understanding of how things work and why people are the way they are. You grow.
This will help open your mind and create even more questions you want answers to down the line. Each part of what you do in business and life will take on new meaning.
Live with curiosity. It hurts me to have friends who are not interested in experiencing more of what life offers just because of their fear. When you’re aware of your comfort zone, know that you can choose to step out and do more.
All you have to do is to be curious and follow where your questions lead you.
“Morning routines sound good, but they’re too hard for me,” is what a lot of people say. What can you do to make them more comfortable and fit into your busy life? I’ll share seven ideas to add to your morning routine, but I want you to know this, you don’t have to do them all. You can make morning routines easier.
Adding even one from the list can make a huge difference in how you feel and approach your day. If you can do all of them, excellent. Just one or two? Awesome!
The benefits of getting your mind and body focused in the morning include helping to put you in the right frame of mind for your day, increasing productivity, and boosting your energy levels.
Maybe you’ve heard, or even read, the book “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod. Out of all the articles I read on this topic, his book inspired me to make the most of the early hours. It helped me understand that a morning routine can be what you decide works best for your life and individual needs. It’s not an all-or-nothing practice where there are no benefits if you don’t do all the 127 things on your list.
I like the idea of flexibility, picking what you enjoy doing each morning and letting it be okay If you can’t do it all, for whatever reason.
We don’t have to deal with absolutes. Just because someone like well-known productivity master Elon Musk wakes up at 7 am every day and religiously checks his “critical emails” first thing doesn’t mean you have to do exactly the same.
Oprah is not an early riser — getting up around 8 am is natural for her — and then walking her dogs for fresh air and exercise to get her blood pumping. Pretty simple yet powerful.
Take a look at these possible morning activities and pick one or more that you can add to your routine each morning.
People love to debate the perfect time to get up early. Is it 4 am? 5? My advice is to work on getting up one hour earlier than you normally do, even if that takes away from your 8 hours of sleep. In my opinion, the 8 hours rule is overrated. Getting 6–8 hours is fine, then drink caffeine to get you going.
I put this as #1 because rising earlier gives you more time to do the things on your morning routine list and even creates time for doing things you love like reading or writing. More time in the morning is like the gift that keeps on giving.
I get up at 4:30 am to draw comics and write Medium articles. Throughout the day, thinking about all I was able to do in the morning, helps me feel energized — like a natural high.
Making sure to drink a tall glass of water when you first wake up is essential for hydration but squeezing in a slice of lemon brings it up a notch. Dropping the lemon slice into the water after the squeeze not only adds more flavor, you take in all that vitamin C and reap the benefits it provides for healthy skin and body.
Lemon in your water can help with weight loss as well. Research shows polyphenol antioxidants found in lemons substantially reduce weight gain in overfed mice. Yes, on mice, not humans, but the antioxidant compounds also offset the adverse effects on their blood glucose levels and improved insulin resistance. Not too shabby for sour fruit.
One way to combat sadness and depression is by thinking about what you have and feeling grateful. Gratitude is an effective way of appreciating how lucky you are to be alive and paying attention to all you did to get where you are now.
Depending on your situation, you may be having such a challenging time in life right now that you have to go to the basics like giving thanks for sleeping well and waking up to a fresh new day. My gratitude thinking involves paying attention to how I feel inside when I think about what I have. This awareness connects with the next activity on the list…
Simply paying attention to how you feel and what you’re thinking can work wonders. Sitting quietly and taking deep breaths as you quiet your mind. This could mean ten to twenty minutes of meditation or sitting and paying attention to any fears or concerns you’re having about your day. Even reading books on spirituality can make you stop and put more awareness on right now.
Reading philosophy excerpts on stoicism, I keep a few books on my desk for easy access, which helps me get in a place to notice the present. How I choose to think dictates my life and well-being. If you don’t have much time, pay attention to how your body moves and how you feel as you get ready in the morning.
I love the idea of “Looking at your hands” as a way to notice what you’re doing and appreciating what you’re able to do. I’ll often take a second and note to myself, “My hands are typing right now.” or “I’m cooking dinner for my family.” The mix of gratitude and mindfulness this creates will help you take a deep breath and feel centered.
Giving yourself time for physical exercise or movement in the morning is magical for your thinking and physical energy. Any time, from a few minutes of stretching to thirty minutes of walking or yoga, will do wonders for your mindset.
I love doing yoga poses and taking walks. Suppose I can combine a short run with the walk, even better. I finish feeling awake, alert, and optimistic about what lies ahead.
Doing strength exercises like push-ups or pull-ups or weight training, if you have a set up in your home, takes a lot of motivation to do in the morning. If you can get even a few minutes of resistance or muscle-building exercises in, though, you’ll feel stronger and more confident in just about all areas of your day.
I enjoy doing push-ups, and I tend to be off-and-on with pull-ups. They can make my wrists hurt, which makes it harder for me to enjoy drawing. That’s an excuse. I’m well aware because pull-ups are so hard for me. This makes me want to avoid them. Because of this, though, when I do pull-ups, I feel stronger for overcoming my fears.
Fit what you can in, and our last tip will bring it all together.
Affirmations are a classic morning ritual that many people feel can be a bit cheesy. I would say no morning routine is complete without a little personal positive encouragement.
You could do the standing in the mirror looking at yourself and loudly proclaiming, “I’m a success!” approach or choose to say positive affirmations to yourself in your head.
Unfortunately, I tend to think of the negatives about myself first. One thing that helps is re-framing my thinking. So, as soon as I think of something negatively, I switch it to a positive and say it as if it already exists. Instead of “I only have a few freelance writing gigs,” I’ll change it to, “I have so many writing gigs, I have to turn some down.” Whatever the subject matter, make sure to say affirmations in the present tense and feel as if you achieved them or have them right now.
You can do all of these if you have time in the morning. If not, do what you can. If you’re unsure which ones will stick or how many are right, try adding one new activity each week until you reach your desired number. You can scale back or adjust anytime you need.
Mornings are full of hope, and when you rise, your mind is open, well-rested, and ready for the new day. Give yourself the mental and physical boost to conquer each day with confidence and success. Choose your combination, even if your routine is different every day, and make it happen.
Fried Chicken and Sushi is a Blog and humorous comic strip about living in Japan and Japanese pop-culture.
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