Are You Like This at a Concert?

Going with or against the crowd should be up to you.

Illustrated by the author. ©2022 Khalid Birdsong

Last week, I took my twelve-year-old daughter to her first big-time concert.

For their Never Ending Summer Tour, we saw the uber-popular group OneRepublic at an outdoor venue—much safer being amongst the fresh air during covid times.

With hits like “Stop and Stare,” “Counting Stars,” and their latest “I Ain’t Worried (from Top Gun: Maverick),” we had a phenomenal time. They put on a good show.

I didn’t know that the lead singer, Ryan Tedder, writes songs and has written hits for all kinds of artists. The group spent twenty glorious minutes playing short versions of some of the songs he wrote. Like “Halo” by Beyonce, “Love Somebody” by Maroon 5, and “Rumour Has It” by Adele.

Spending the concert in a section far away, I watched most of it on the jumbotron screens where they did a good job filming all the action on stage. They also turned to the audience on occasion.

Cameras zoomed in to a part of the crowd cheering and dancing, and everyone was ecstatic except for one guy in the middle standing there stone-faced.

No emotion, no excitement.

Perhaps he was tired or didn’t want to be there. His partner or friend could have forced him to go when he’s not even a fan—come on, we’ve all been there.

Or, that’s the way he has fun. This guy doesn’t need to smile, dance, or scream at fun events like an awesome concert by one of the biggest bands in the world.

No. He’s fine, just standing there stoically, spacing out.

Could it be we all experience fun and excitement differently? His insides might have been poppin’ with joy and grooving to the beat. He doesn’t need to move. Staying completely still may be how he feels more enjoyment. Is that so wrong?

I wish I could be as comfortable as he is showing and being whatever he’s feeling at the time. It shouldn’t matter what people think.

Being a people pleaser

I enjoy making other people happy. Heck, that’s one reason why I’m an art teacher. The joy on a kid’s face when they discover how a new painting technique can make their art look more real is fantastic.

Helping others succeed is joyful to me—another reason I love writing this newsletter and sharing what I’ve learned from living a creative life.

I’m a people pleaser.

Everyone isn’t. My daughter likes doing the right thing but isn’t concerned with people pleasing. She won’t pretend to be excited about something just to make another person feel better. I was concerned for her, but now I see that she doesn’t need to be like me.

Making sure she’s kind and polite is definitely part of my job, but overall, I should let her do what feels right.

Maybe growing up with divorced parents or being the oldest child shaped me into this person, but it’s hard to deny. I’m happy being a people pleaser and teaching others to create and hopefully smile.

At the concert, everyone stood up when OneRepublic first came out and never sat back down. After a summer off, this concert was in the middle of my first week back at work. I was tired.

You better believe I sat down on the grass and stayed there for the entire time. I danced while sitting and had an amazing time.

I didn’t feel like people pleasing by standing up so that the friends who came with us or the other fans surrounding us would be happy. I wanted to listen, enjoy, and rest.

My daughter stayed standing and enjoyed every minute. Good for her.

Choose to be who you are wherever you can

Your job may make you dress a certain way or wear a uniform while at work. There are written and unwritten rules of society we have to follow.

On those rare occasions where you can decide how you will show up, make it a way that feels authentic.

I’m not an expert at noticing these times yet, but I’m improving. At least, now, when I’m invited to party or get together, or even when I’m getting up in front of my students in an art class, I realize it’s my choice how I present myself.

Normally, I choose the fun-loving playful artist persona, but if I’m feeling down, it’s okay to show that too. There’s no need to fake it to make others happy at all times. I don’t have to be the person they expect every time. And that’s fine.

I just thought of something.

What if the guy who looked upset at the concert was that way because he just noticed the camera was on him and then froze? After it switched to somewhere else, he could have started dancing and jumping back to his usual fun-loving self.

He might hate when people put cameras in his face. Who really knows?

Either way, learn to do you.

Who cares what people think? Especially at a concert.

P.S. We just had a teacher work week before starting a new school year teaching middle school. During one of our faculty meetings, we all sat in a circle, sharing how we felt about getting back to work. Many people appreciated having such amazing coworkers, and others were impressed with how safe they felt to get back on campus during the pandemic that will never end. I shared feeling more at ease than I have in several years. Partly thanks to vaccines and having students back on campus instead of teaching on video via Zoom. Getting back to being in my art room and knowing how to teach within it, even if I’m wearing a mask, is something I did last year, so it’s familiar territory. I’m not as concerned with what will come, and confident I can make a creative and warm atmosphere for my students. I see now how life and work experience can help you feel at ease with being yourself.

Discover A New Creative Life right here.

Finding Your Purpose is Simpler Than You Think

Here’s one undeniable way to discover yours.

Photo by Jaunt and Joy on Unsplash

You’re looking to find purpose—a reason to get up in the morning or a career to fulfill your heart and soul. I know the feeling.

You try this and try that for a little while, only to be disappointed you don’t fall in love right away. “When will my calling hit me in the face and change my life for the better?” you wonder.

Come on; you can’t be serious. No Fairy Godmother of Purpose will ever appear and grant you a life of passion and meaning. Even if someone offers you a fantastic opportunity, you have to recognize it first.

A purpose can sometimes come from natural abilities or a need you feel you must fulfill from early in your life, but it’s rare. You won’t like reading this—but a purpose takes hard work and patience.

It’s not a magical gift from the gods.

Coming from writing and creating comics regularly for many years, I now know my purpose is to educate and entertain through stories and art. I didn’t hike up a mountain to the top and receive a divine message.

I discovered my purpose by doing the work.

But don’t worry, it’s not as hard as you might think. You have to make concrete decisions and stick to them. Here’s how…

Commit to something

Discovering your purpose first takes you to committing to learning and growing in a particular area or career. It’s astonishing how connected we can become to an area we choose to give ourselves to heart and soul.

What are you interested in learning and becoming the best at over many years? If you pick something that excites you and scares you a little, you’re on the right track.

Make a point to practice the skill regularly to improve, and you’ll see how it fills you with purpose, with a drive to do better and share it with the world. When you commit—essentially, take responsibility for something—it gives your life meaning.

Pretty simple, right?

I’ve loved writing for most of my life, but committing to posting articles here on Medium regularly and becoming a better writer helped cultivate my feeling of purpose. Helping inspire others to succeed now feels like my purpose through the written word.

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.”

Vince Lombardi

Embrace responsibility

People run away from responsibility like it’s an evil villain chasing them in a horror movie, preferring to escape into simple, non-threatening pleasure-seeking getaways as much as possible.

If you want a purpose-driven life, you have to embrace the responsibility that goes along with that life. You can’t have one thing without the other. Accepting that there’s a price to pay for everything is a part of doing something worthwhile.

If you want to be a better writer, you’ll need to watch less TV and spend more hours on the keyboard. The more you work at it, the better you’re writing will become, then you begin to desire watching TV less as your desire to write grows. You feel like it’s your purpose.

When you, let’s say, become a parent, volunteer somewhere, commit to a relationship, take on a mortgage to buy a home or any one of a thousand other “responsibilities,” they permeate your life with purpose and meaning.

That’s the upside of responsibility no one tells you.

“Without commitment you cannot have depth in anything.”

Neil Strauss

Attract your purpose through action

It’s all on you now. Commit to growing and improving in several parts of your life that interest you.

Even if you don’t think it could be your purpose right now, you’d be amazed by how things look different once you dedicate yourself to them and become the best over time.

When I started teaching art in an elementary school, I thought I would hate it because I wasn’t making all of my money being an illustrator. There were a lot of new responsibilities to take on, like taking care of children and classroom management, and I had to learn to plan lessons and make a curriculum.

Over that first year of teaching, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed being an educator. I made time to draw comics in my off-hours, and I felt like my teaching job was making a difference to young people.

The position grew on me as I took on the commitment and handled the responsibility. You won’t always know what will be the right fit.

When you commit and work hard, your purpose finds you.

Want more? If you’re struggling with making authentic work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can discover how to upgrade your mindset and share your creative writing and art with the world.

Take a Break From America

As soon as you can.

Taking a break from the U.S. is not an option right now due to COVID-19, but I wish I could travel overseas. No country wants us to visit or move there during this pandemic, and I understand why. We look like crazy people.

The freedom we think we have gives us the confidence we feel we need to only care about ourselves — like it’s the natural way of things. Friends of mine in other countries are scared of Americans. The ridiculous mess we’ve made over here in regards to racism and the pandemic looks insane.

How we treat anyone who’s slightly different–yelling at an Asian person wearing a mask because you think they have COVID and then going out for FroYo without wearing a mask yourself because you feel it takes away your freedom.

I remember enjoying my break from America while living in Osaka, Japan, and teaching English. It’s certainly not an easy country to live in as a foreigner, but at least I didn’t fear for my life. You’d be amazed at how your country looks from the outside looking in. Yes, you miss some of what you love, but racism in America sticks out like a hamburger at a sushi restaurant. Be careful; you think it might taste good, but you know it’s wrong and shouldn’t be there.

I hear people saying things like leaving America shows weakness, and you should stay and make it work. Isn’t that like staying in an abusive relationship with someone because you think you can help them change? If you have a way out that can work for you and your family, take it.

Black people should do everything they can to experience living in another country, preferably one where people of color are in the majority. Move to Asia, Africa, or South America. Get a sense of what it’s like outside of white American ideals and perceptions.

Where will you travel when everything opens up again? Start planning, saving, researching now. I know it may seem impossible or out of reach, but it’s not. Take the first step by deciding you are a person who can travel and make a change.

Do it. Go on an adventure that changes your life and opens your mind. Then never look back.