How do you see yourself? Maybe you don’t think about it all that much. As a cartoonist, drawing a version of “me” for all of you often makes me think about how I come across to the world.
I often feel it doesn’t align with what others see.
Read MoreA cute comic about discovering deeper meditation.
Creating this story was a fun way to see if I could illustrate a cute character and also turn an article I wrote into a comic. I'm not sure if Rongo, which is a word from New Zealand's indigenous Maori people that means peace, will become a recurring character, but I enjoy drawing him.
It was so enjoyable I’m putting it out there as a practice for you too.
It could be several panels or something short, like a one-panel cartoon similar to the ones you see in The New Yorker. Even if you’re drawing stick figures, see if you can bring your writing to life or something you just went through yesterday with visual storytelling in a sketchbook or journal.
If you’re interested in meditation, here’s the article I wrote in the publication Publishous on MEDIUM.
Photo by Ashley Batz on Unsplash
Getting up in the morning feeling nervous or upset about everything waiting for you in the day ahead can feel overwhelming.
I’ve been meditating for over twenty-five years and have always looked for simple ways to think about the practice. So many people tell me they can’t figure out how to do it or get to a place where they notice the benefits of being mindful.
I watched a powerful video by Dr. K on YouTube, or Alok Kanojia, a psychiatrist and co-founder of the mental health coaching company Healthy Gamer that stuck with me.
In the middle of “Why Finding Purpose is SO HARD today,” he explains about the concept of reaching the “end of thought.” I had never heard this concept before, but when he shared about it, I could finally put into words how to succeed in explaining the benefits of meditation.
Let’s go through the steps he talked about to reach this enlightened place.
You can meditate traditionally with your legs crossed, sit in a chair, or even lie on a bed. Start breathing in slowly and deeply, paying attention to the different parts of your body one at a time.
It doesn’t have to be only while you’re sitting and not moving.
If you want to be mindful while taking a walk or even drawing, it’s possible if you intend to make the time to connect with the real you and avoid distractions.
“Get away from external stimuli so you can hear your inner voice.”
-Dr. K
There are several phases of awareness that will move you through to reaching yourself.
Most of your thoughts will first be related to something that’s irritating you or about what you want right now that’s outside of yourself.
Something you’re told should matter.
Mainly stuff you want to do today or think you need to possess, eat, play, or earn to make your life happy—aka desires!
After all of your desires filter through, you’ll feel like you’re left with nothing but sitting there.
Bored.
Many people who try meditation give up on this part. They think, “I can’t meditate. It’s too damn boring!” Or, they think they’re doing it wrong and should be receiving some sort of divine guidance or inner glow after a few minutes of sitting and breathing.
Remember, boredom is your brain trying to get a hit of dopamine or excitement so that it can have fun again. Don’t let it stop you. Let boredom sit there and be bored.
Stay with yourself and give the emptiness time to just be. Don't get up.
You’ll notice your thoughts moving quickly at first and then start slowing down.
If you’re still sitting with yourself, you’ll reach a place where all the other thoughts cease, and as you keep breathing, you’ll meet your true self.
When this happens to me, I notice a feeling of calm, and I even say hello to the real me. The me that’s not manipulated by what the outside world says I should want or do.
It’s lovely.
How long it takes to reach the end of thought depends on how much is going on in your life and how often you meditate.
I find it takes me around ten minutes to get there.
Not as long as you might think, huh? The nice thing is that you want to stay for a while once you get to that place within yourself. It’s comforting to sit with who you are and be at peace.
I look forward to it every morning.
If an emotion comes up, you can feel it intensely and let it dissipate when it’s done showing itself to you. Your shoulders relax, and you become more aware of your body as a whole.
With your quiet connection to yourself, you’ll start to hear only your internal goals speaking.
Anything that’s important to your overall fulfillment will come into your mind. The values that are important to who you are will be easier to notice and remember.
All the distractions are gone, so you can find out what it is you really need.
The hard part will be accepting what your true self is telling you.
One of the greatest benefits of meditation is the ability to tap into yourself and see what you need in order to be fulfilled.
Not what your parents want you to be. Not what society says you should be.
What do you truly want and need to be doing during your time on this planet? You might be surprised at what you hear.
Meditation helps you become aligned with your personal life goals. Once you know them, you can do the things you need to pursue and reach them.
Anytime you get distracted by external messages, remember to sit with yourself and tune in through mindfulness. You can always find yourself with a little quiet and patience with the present moment.
Dr. K talks about how people are always looking for the reason why human beings are here. What’s the meaning of life?!
“The purpose of life is not in life, it’s in you.”
-Dr. K
It’s all inside of you. Stop looking for someone to tell you what your purpose is and find it in yourself. Then, decide to take the real you exactly where you need to go.
Try meditating again today — maybe after reading this article — and sit for a long enough time to find where your thoughts end and your true self begins.
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A comic story you’ll hope isn’t true…
DISCLAIMER: This comic is not based on a true story, and I would never suggest you do something so extreme to save money.
I am, however, commenting on how ridiculous the housing market is in the bay area and the entire country. It wouldn’t surprise me if someone went to great lengths to save up for a down payment.
Have you heard any crazy home-buying stories?
Share them in the comments…
My caricature of artist Jean-michel Basquiat.
If you love something, let it go.
You’ve heard the saying. It doesn’t have to be forever, though especially when it’s a hobby or skill you love dearly.
I’ve been drawing all my life (at least since I was three years old), and it’s a skill I’ve worked hard to develop. Unfortunately, I still feel I’m not good enough compared to other talented artists I see online.
I feel like giving up.
I’m forty-seven, and everything I’ve worked hard for in art hasn’t gone as far as I thougth it would career wise. Making comics, drawing a comic strip syndicated online for seven years, and even freelance illustrating have only taken me so far.
I know I should stop, but I can’t.
Actually, that’s not totally true. I’ve met people who were smart enough to try making art or cartooning a career and then let it go after years of letdowns. They moved into something else more profitable and never looked back.
Being one of those people is so hard for me. Is it because I’m stupid?
I want to think it’s because I still enjoy making art. The consistent work you have to put in practicing techniques feels good when you see yourself improve.
The whole “Journey is more enjoyable than the destination” thing should be what we focus on more than money.
But what if you don’t care about creating your art anymore?
Giving up feels good. Making your passion less important in your life can relieve creative stress and expectations. There’s beauty in letting it all go.
If, after a few months, or maybe even years, you feel the pull to create again, maybe your love of the art is more a part of you than you realize.
You can always start it up again and slowly and gently add more time into your schedule for creation.
There might be times in your life when it’s harder to make your art. Like when your are a parent of a young child or you’re adjusting to moving to a new city.
When I lived in Japan for two years, I barely drew anything. I didn’t open up a sketchbook, and I rarely drew any comics. Do you know what I did do, though? I learned to speak Japanese — which takes a lot of time and effort, let me tell you. I dated and met my wife. Spending time with someone special takes effort and dedication. Giving time to explore a new country, culture, and relationship was some of the best times I’ve spent in my life.
And I wasn’t drawing or writing. I was too busy living.
Towards the end of the second year, I started writing the script for my graphic novel, Tales of Tritoria: Youngbloods, and it was refreshing to spend some of my time in creation mode.
I didn’t start drawing pages and going all in on the production of the book until I moved back to the states. Yeah, it took me a few months to get back into the swing and stamina of drawing comics again, but the time away was worth it.
I felt refreshed and excited to produce comics again. All I needed was a break.
“What if I give up, and then my type of art becomes popular? I’ll miss opportunities?”
I doubt that.
Number one, you will have work you’ve done in the past you can pull out and sell or share. Number two, timing is something you can’t predict. The right time period in your life, combined with trends in the market, could be in your favor.
You never know. That’s why focusing on doing something you enjoy is the key.
The International Society of Caricature Artists (ISCA) holds a challenge in January called Caricature Resolution with a list of names of famous people each day you can choose to draw from.
Today’s person, for example, is 1980s Neo-expressionism artist Jean-Michel Basquiat.
It took me several tries to get closer to his likeness. At first, I tried different head shapes and placement of the eyes and mouth. You get the sense of him, but in my opinion, they didn’t have his likeness.
A lot of times with caricatures, you have to try different combinations until you get it right.
THe real basquiat for comparison.
I’m still working on getting better at drawing the likeness of celebrities, and it’s even harder than you might think. I’ve studied books, my favorite being Tom Richmond’s The Mad Art of Caricature, and watched several videos on YouTube to brush up on my skills.
Twenty years ago, I lived in Orlando, FL, and worked as a caricature artist for a small company set up in hotels and special events. All of this while starting to teach elementary school Art during the week.
I was just okay at it. You have to move fast and draw people in three to five minutes, then, I used watercolor to finish them off, and it was truly a challenge.
Sometimes people like how you draw them, and sometimes they don’t.
You grow a thick skin, but mine didn’t thicken up enough. I got tired of the demands of live caricatures and gave up after two years.
I wish I had continued. My drawing skills would have grown so fast, and who knows where it might have taken me. I never worked in Disney or Universal Studios theme parks, but that would have been the ultimate challenge.
My eyes were on making comics and publishing. Funny enough, most of the freelance work I get now comes from caricature illustration.
I’m looking to do more practice work in 2023 for art that generates more income for me.
Caricature is that art form. Why fight it?
I’ll keep practicing regularly.
Don’t say you’ll give up forever.
Making a living solely from art is extremely difficult. If you tried it and you got burnt out, take a break. Try art directing or going into a completely different field. You can always create art in your free time when you want to get back into it.
There may come a time in life when opportunities open up again for you to get paid, and you can jump back in with both feet.
There’s nothing wrong with seeing your art as a life long pursuit. You can create until you die, so why rush things?
I’m doing everything possible to keep the caricature practice light and fun. Improving is definitely a goal, but I don’t have to be pro level anytime soon.
The real actor grace kelly.
the real malcolm x.
Who knows, in time, I might try getting back into live caricatures again. The thought of drawing people in person with everyone watching seems scary as hell right now. But I’ll go with the thought.
At some point in the future, it might be nice to have this skill to have fun and make money when I can.
If you’re tired and run down from not getting where you’d like with your art, take a break and give yourself time to see it in a different light.
Your passion will be waiting with open arms when you’re ready to return.
If you like my artistic outlook on life, consider subscribing to my newsletter, A New Creative Life, by clicking here.
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©2022 Khalid Birdsong
My daughter couldn’t stop coming to sleep with my wife and me in our bed every night, even when she was nine years old.
Nothing we tried to keep her comfortable in her bed all night worked. We spent time reading and singing to her before going to sleep—even falling asleep with her and then going to our bed later.
Anything we could do to make her feel at ease and comfortable, we tried it. She had stuffed animals and dolls that helped a little, but still not enough to keep her in her own bed all night.
I’m unsure if she was anxious or truly wanted people with her all the time because it felt more comfortable. When we visit family in Japan, she sleeps on the tatami mat floors on futon mattresses with family members next to her.
Traditionally, this is how most Japanese people sleep, all together in one room, even though beds and separate bedrooms for kids are becoming popular.
I have no problems with her loving sleep time with family; I think it’s adorable, but our bed is only so big when we're in America. I’m a tall guy and need space to sleep deep comfortably.
When my daughter’s in with us, I end up pushed to the edge of the bed with my body forced to stay stiff as a board. My wife and I usually wake up the following day with neck pain.
All this wasn’t so bad back when she was three, but a growing nine-year-old did not give her parents enough space to sleep comfortably. Plus, I firmly believe she needs to soothe herself by learning to wake up in the middle of the night and get back to sleep without help.
Something changed when a baby Yoda toy arrived in the mail.
I was obsessed with The Mandalorian series on Disney plus, and my daughter got pulled into it, too, mainly because of Baby Yoda. Yes, I know his real name is Grogu, but I’m not a fan of it.
It seemed like forever for them to make a toy version, and as soon as pre-orders were available, I put my money down. Several months later, we were pleasantly surprised with our Baby Yoda. He makes cute sounds when you squeeze him and truly is super cute.
My goal was to have him as a collectible toy, but my daughter was so excited that she started asking to carry him around and play with him. Pretty soon, he became the most popular toy in the house. So much so that we gave him a name.
Earl.
Maybe to you, that’s no better than his real name, Grogu, but we love calling him Earl and, as crazy as it sounds, started having fun acting like he was a part of our family.
Earl popped in for a visit.
Naturally, my daughter asked if she could add Earl to her stuffies on her bed and sleep with him there too. At first, I wasn’t too keen on the idea. This toy was supposed to be for me and something I would keep in decent condition. But after a couple of days of begging with puppy dog eyes, I gave in to her.
Thank goodness I did.
She cuddled with Earl at bedtime and went right to sleep. I’m not sure if it’s because of the toy’s size, shape, or the fact that we pretend he’s alive for fun at home, but my child’s been sleeping through the night on her own for several years now.
My now twelve-year-old daughter admits to needing Earl with her to sleep well at night. She’s not ashamed of this at all. We take him with us on trips and even to Japan.
Even though we’re thankful for her little green, pointy-eared security blanket, I’m pretty sure she can sleep well without him at this point. She just enjoys having a little buddy with her for that familiar feeling of comfort and safety. I get that.
It’s cute how Star Wars fandom has helped my parenting. Not to mention adding good vibes to our home and family relationships.
I’ve learned the power of staying open to receiving assistance from the unlikeliest places. You never know what will make a difference to you and your loved ones.
Let it in and let it flow.
We talked in a previous post about how planning to submit your project to a publisher or online can help give you the energy to get work done. But what if you need something to motivate you to start the kind of work you do?
This is about more than just your “why” reason for doing what you’re doing. Even if you’re solid on your intended outcomes, you might not feel like making stuff for a day or several weeks.
You can easily lose motivation.
Knowing how to pull yourself back into creating again is what I’m talking about in this case. You don’t need a baby Yoda toy to hold when you’re feeling lazy, but having something similar, like a way to inspire yourself or a system to follow that gets you going again, is vital.
Planning time every Saturday morning to work on your personal project for two hours, for example, is an excellent way to make it actionable. That’s how this newsletter gets done. I think, read, sketch, outline, and plan here and there during the week, and on the weekend, I put in the time to finish it.
I love this schedule.
Perhaps many things exist that can keep you going each day and pursuing what you love. If you haven’t found them yet, keep trying new techniques or hacks. Don’t give up on your motivation.
I have something to look forward to with this weekly newsletter and feel a sense of accomplishment finishing creative work I hope inspires you.
Thanks for being a part of this creative journey.
Illustrated by the author. ©2022 Khalid Birdsong
Last week, I took my twelve-year-old daughter to her first big-time concert.
For their Never Ending Summer Tour, we saw the uber-popular group OneRepublic at an outdoor venue—much safer being amongst the fresh air during covid times.
With hits like “Stop and Stare,” “Counting Stars,” and their latest “I Ain’t Worried (from Top Gun: Maverick),” we had a phenomenal time. They put on a good show.
I didn’t know that the lead singer, Ryan Tedder, writes songs and has written hits for all kinds of artists. The group spent twenty glorious minutes playing short versions of some of the songs he wrote. Like “Halo” by Beyonce, “Love Somebody” by Maroon 5, and “Rumour Has It” by Adele.
Spending the concert in a section far away, I watched most of it on the jumbotron screens where they did a good job filming all the action on stage. They also turned to the audience on occasion.
Cameras zoomed in to a part of the crowd cheering and dancing, and everyone was ecstatic except for one guy in the middle standing there stone-faced.
No emotion, no excitement.
Perhaps he was tired or didn’t want to be there. His partner or friend could have forced him to go when he’s not even a fan—come on, we’ve all been there.
Or, that’s the way he has fun. This guy doesn’t need to smile, dance, or scream at fun events like an awesome concert by one of the biggest bands in the world.
No. He’s fine, just standing there stoically, spacing out.
Could it be we all experience fun and excitement differently? His insides might have been poppin’ with joy and grooving to the beat. He doesn’t need to move. Staying completely still may be how he feels more enjoyment. Is that so wrong?
I wish I could be as comfortable as he is showing and being whatever he’s feeling at the time. It shouldn’t matter what people think.
I enjoy making other people happy. Heck, that’s one reason why I’m an art teacher. The joy on a kid’s face when they discover how a new painting technique can make their art look more real is fantastic.
Helping others succeed is joyful to me—another reason I love writing this newsletter and sharing what I’ve learned from living a creative life.
I’m a people pleaser.
Everyone isn’t. My daughter likes doing the right thing but isn’t concerned with people pleasing. She won’t pretend to be excited about something just to make another person feel better. I was concerned for her, but now I see that she doesn’t need to be like me.
Making sure she’s kind and polite is definitely part of my job, but overall, I should let her do what feels right.
Maybe growing up with divorced parents or being the oldest child shaped me into this person, but it’s hard to deny. I’m happy being a people pleaser and teaching others to create and hopefully smile.
At the concert, everyone stood up when OneRepublic first came out and never sat back down. After a summer off, this concert was in the middle of my first week back at work. I was tired.
You better believe I sat down on the grass and stayed there for the entire time. I danced while sitting and had an amazing time.
I didn’t feel like people pleasing by standing up so that the friends who came with us or the other fans surrounding us would be happy. I wanted to listen, enjoy, and rest.
My daughter stayed standing and enjoyed every minute. Good for her.
Your job may make you dress a certain way or wear a uniform while at work. There are written and unwritten rules of society we have to follow.
On those rare occasions where you can decide how you will show up, make it a way that feels authentic.
I’m not an expert at noticing these times yet, but I’m improving. At least, now, when I’m invited to party or get together, or even when I’m getting up in front of my students in an art class, I realize it’s my choice how I present myself.
Normally, I choose the fun-loving playful artist persona, but if I’m feeling down, it’s okay to show that too. There’s no need to fake it to make others happy at all times. I don’t have to be the person they expect every time. And that’s fine.
I just thought of something.
What if the guy who looked upset at the concert was that way because he just noticed the camera was on him and then froze? After it switched to somewhere else, he could have started dancing and jumping back to his usual fun-loving self.
He might hate when people put cameras in his face. Who really knows?
Either way, learn to do you.
Who cares what people think? Especially at a concert.
P.S. We just had a teacher work week before starting a new school year teaching middle school. During one of our faculty meetings, we all sat in a circle, sharing how we felt about getting back to work. Many people appreciated having such amazing coworkers, and others were impressed with how safe they felt to get back on campus during the pandemic that will never end. I shared feeling more at ease than I have in several years. Partly thanks to vaccines and having students back on campus instead of teaching on video via Zoom. Getting back to being in my art room and knowing how to teach within it, even if I’m wearing a mask, is something I did last year, so it’s familiar territory. I’m not as concerned with what will come, and confident I can make a creative and warm atmosphere for my students. I see now how life and work experience can help you feel at ease with being yourself.
New ideas can be fun, but that doesn’t mean they’re good. © Khalid Birdsong
Mastering getting creative work done is one thing, but what happens if you don’t even know where to start?
Coming up with new ideas can be challenging.
Most people don’t have a magical Japanese Tanuki raccoon by their side to help them brainstorm. Fear not. You can always find inspiration in the world around you, the books you read, the shows you watch, and even in discussing current events with friends. When you expect to be inspired, you’ll look for exciting themes and discover ideas around you.
Okay, maybe it’s not that easy. Here are a couple of techniques I use to get inspired.
Free association can be a fun way to spill everything in your head and make connections by writing words and sketching them out in your notes.
Free association in psychology refers to a process of discovering your genuine thoughts, memories, and feelings by freely sharing all the seemingly random thoughts that pass through your mind. Usually, you are given a prompt like a word or image without context then, you say what it makes you think of. The person leading the exercise tries to create links between the prompt and your response to learn about how your brain makes connections between ideas.
Sigmund Freud was the first pioneer of the psychoanalysis technique of free association. Freud worked on developing this technique further between 1892 and 1898. This new method became a cornerstone of psychoanalytic therapy. Freud based free association on the theory of psychic determinism that informed all his work.
My way of doing this involves sitting down at my drafting table, staring at the wall, and writing down whatever comes into my head—even if it’s unrelated. For a project where I already have characters, like my Fried Chicken and Sushi comic strip, I might have one character in mind, like J, and throw out words that come to me when I think of him.
Some people say it’s crazy, but I also like asking my characters what they want to do next. I’ll often start sketching them in various poses, doing different things like cooking, playing sports, or dancing. Eventually, they answer me, and new ideas for strips emerge, sometimes quickly, after a lot of random writing and drawing.
If you’re trying to write a new story idea from scratch, you could pick a word for something you’re interested in, like football. Write down all the words that come to your mind to describe the game of football and what it means to you.
Can you create a character that wants to play football but can’t, or they only focus on becoming the best player in the world and neglects other essential parts of life?
Like Tanuki stated in the comic above, combining random ideas is fun, but a story is only interesting as long as there’s conflict.
This leads me to my next point.
Add opposites for conflict and contrast.
Anywhere you can put a character with an opposite personality to another, something that feels opposed to everything in the world you create, or an opposing view to the points in an article you write is compelling and will create even more ideas.
I’m still working on getting better at this, but whenever I’m stuck on an idea, whether writing or drawing, I go back to opposites.
Take two things you’re interested in and add something opposite.
Why? Putting two things together is easy but doesn’t make a story. Adding an opposite element to your idea gives natural conflict and possibilities to electrify your new project.
I made this comic by using the brainstorming technique with Tanuki above. © Khalid Birdsong
For example, say you’re interested in writing a fantasy short story. You think firefighters are incredible, and you love magic. Firefighters put out fires. The opposite could be a firefighter who starts fires. Or one who can start fires with magic. Is he doing it to give firefighters something to do? Is he crazy? Does he want to watch the world burn? In what kind of world are they living?
You see, just these three elements have me exploring questions and figuring out a world. Coming up with ideas isn’t as difficult as you might think. I bet you can create impressive new concepts with the above methods. The challenge is deciding which ideas are the best for you to take seriously and then start working on them regularly.
Choosing ideas to commit to long-term is a challenge we can discuss in a future post.
Stay tuned.
This post is from my weekly newsletter. I only share some of them on this website. Subscribe to A New Creative Life on Substack right here.
Photo by Kaizen Nguyễn on Unsplash
“I don’t need to practice [insert art skill]. This is just my personal style.”
How many times have I heard that from my art students? Way too many times.
If you want to get good, you have to learn to love practicing the fundamental skills of your craft when you’re young. Whether that’s in visual art, music, sports, or, yes, even writing.
It doesn’t get easier with time.
Getting good means knowing what good means. And that takes experience.
You learn by growing through repetitive practice in stuff you, at a young age, can’t see as important right now. Passing your lack of experience off as a style trait is lazy and misguided.
When you’re in school and even into your twenties, you have more energy than you know what to do with. Why make excuses for putting in the work as a creative? I bet it’s because you don’t have a coach riding your a$$ every day to write for two hours, or practice drawing portraits.
You can bet athletes hire or must attend a certain number of practices each week to stay in shape and keep their sporty skills in tip-top condition. I also bet there’s no way they would practice that much without someone holding them accountable.
But what if you can’t hire an art or writing coach? You’ve got to be the one who motivates yourself to keep going no matter how old you are.
Once you get decent at the basics, we can talk about flipping them on their head and claiming you can practice less because it’s your style. At least, that’s what I say when teaching art to middle school students. They want it to be easy right now, and it doesn’t work like that, unfortunately.
You may even be older and know how important it is to practice but still can’t get yourself to work on the boring stuff you know will grow your skills.
One thing young people don’t understand is how heavy responsibilities, like raising children, and dealing with surprise health issues, not to mention being just plain tired, make it so much harder to put in time practicing skills as you age.
No worries. All it takes is a mindset shift and a little creativity. Treat it like you’re young—fresh-faced and open to discovering more of how basic skills can improve your work.
You don’t have to love practicing the fundamentals, but you have to work on them regularly to improve.
Here’s what I tell young creatives that can also help my over-forty crowd, who need help consistently doing the things to improve their work.
Creating your art, drawing or writing should be something you enjoy no matter what, right? I’ll give you a hardy WRONG on that one! Yes, making whatever you feel like when you’re in the mood is enjoyable, but if you want to improve, you have to work even when you’re not feeling it.
Gamify your practice times to incentivize learning the boring stuff that makes you cringe. Use your creativity to make learning the basics fun, and it will be easier to want to sit down and get to work.
Let’s say you need to improve your skills in drawing hands, and what artist doesn’t? You sit down and challenge yourself to draw five hand gestures in your sketchbook in twenty minutes. Set a timer and see if you can beat it.
Figure drawing practice within thirty minutes.
Even if you’re practicing playing scales on an instrument—not the most fun activity but important—use a similar method. How many can you do in a limited time? Can you play them in several different rhythms like a song?
Becoming a better writer takes, well, writing often. Challenge yourself to see how many days a week you can write for a specific amount of time. Try one hour a day at the same time of day. Or, give yourself a word count, like 500 words each day, mark a calendar when you complete them, and on Sunday, see if you’ve won.
The act of spicing up your fundamentals will help make sitting down to do them more fun. Unfortunately, gamifying is not enough. Naturally, we all want something when we win.
When you reach your gamified goal, reward yourself with a treat — whatever that is for you. I love eating chocolate chip cookies. Sweet treats are a solid motivator for me, and I feel like I truly won an award when I get a treat afterward.
The other day, it was hard for me to focus on writing. So, I got some of those Mini Chips Ahoy cookies as motivators. They’re small so I could eat one after ten minutes of writing. Chewing on it with a smile as I write more, then after ten minutes put another in my mouth. Writing and eating treats as I go.
Not great for my waistline, I know, but I got through finishing an article. And drank a big glass of almond milk after.
You may decide you can’t watch your favorite TV show until you’ve drawn something for an hour or two. Pick the things you really do not feel like practicing, and add your best reward treat to completing them successfully.
I enjoy knowing I can draw whatever I want if I put in a certain amount of time on fundamentals. That could mean drawing three figure drawings, then a funny cartoon character.
The harder and more boring the skill, the better the reward. You’ll be getting fundamental practice easier and more often.
Drawing bunnies is a lot of fun after figure drawing practice.
If you’re dedicated to your chosen art form, you must learn to work with the difficult and boring parts as well as what’s enjoyable. They do go hand in hand. Even if you’re doing it mainly for fun, you’ll want to get better, telling yourself improvement doesn’t matter is a waste of time.
When you get up to go to work or school, you have to mentally prepare for the day. Why? Because it’s important. You know there will be a mix of great and not-so-great, but you take it on as a part of the experience. Do the same with your art and creative work.
Know it will be hard at times, especially when you’ve got family or health challenges, but the hard stuff makes you better and pushes you ahead. If it feels too easy, too fun, you’re probably not growing. Look for the obstacles. Find ways to work on the difficult parts because you know you need it to improve.
Doing this sort of mind shift, especially when you’re young, will help you make it a habit you continue into older age. You set a precedent that growing as a creative person takes doing the parts you enjoy and the parts that help you grow.
Trying to get yourself to do what you know you must when you’re older is harder. You become more set in your ways, and life responsibilities make it easier for you to make excuses not to create. When you have a mindset of creating regularly set in your brain, getting started, even if times are tough, is easier.
When you seek out creative challenges, find fun ways to work on them regularly, and reward your accomplishments, the boring stuff won’t be boring anymore.
Want more? If you’re struggling with doing original work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can upgrade your mindset and share your art with the world.
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
Don’t be fooled by quick and easy success stories. Making it big takes a lot of hard work.
It’s even more hard work than you think because success involves getting out of your own way.
I know you want to believe you can stay the same, and luck will bless you and suddenly change your life for the better, but this is juvenile thinking. Growing up and realizing that you have to put in time and effort to succeed is significant.
Success takes two essential ingredients most people run away from like the plague—even if they know working hard is a primary key.
I’ve lived a pretty good life, worked as a writer, artist, and teacher, and even traveled the world. Without two truths, I could have never done all that I did and plan to continue doing in the future.
If you can get navigate pushing through these two words, success can be more effortless for you to attain.
As a writer and cartoonist, naturally, I’m a fan of animated films, especially ones made by Disney. You may feel like everything the company does has always been a success.
So not true.
The Walt Disney Company has had successes and failures over its almost 100-year history. Slow times and fast. But it kept figuring out ways to keep going because they understood disappointment is a part of taking risks and doing business. Walt ingrained this idea into the studio.
Before Walt Disney started the company with his brother Roy, an editor at a newspaper he worked for told him he lacked imagination and had no good ideas. I bet that pissed him off a bit but gave him the fuel needed to prove him wrong.
“I think it’s important to have a good hard failure when you’re young… Because it makes you kind of aware of what can happen to you. Because of it I’ve never had any fear in my whole life when we’ve been near collapse and all of that. I’ve never been afraid.”
-Walt Disney
You have to be willing to try and fail. Yes, you may look like an idiot or embarrass yourself, but what you’ll learn will help you make new and different choices next time.
If you look at failure as a part of the learning process, something you need to get better and discover what works, you can use it.
People who never fail never really try.
You don’t have to like it, but make friends with it so you can reach your goals.
No one knows how to face discomfort like stand-up comedians. I may love writing humor in a comic strip format and have to face the possibility my readers won’t laugh at the joke, but I don’t have to meet them in person.
One of my favorite comedians is Jerry Seinfeld. Not just because he was able to get a hugely successful TV show with his name on it, but because he has a unique style and delivery, and most importantly, he never uses curse words.
That’s tough to do.
After his first set doing stand-up as a young comedian on the circuit, I read that it didn’t go well. Seeing the audience made him freeze when he set foot on stage, and he was booed off.
Think about it. Seinfeld could have said “Screw this!” packed his bags, and left that world forever.
Instead, he decided to get over himself and make success as a comedian more important than his discomfort on stage. I bet he could tell it was something he could get over if he practiced more. If writing jokes gets easier the more you do it, so can dealing with standing up on stage.
Of course, we all know how that turned out. Jerry Seinfeld was right to keep working through the discomfort.
Truthfully, it’s still uncomfortable for me to put my work out there, but I’ve learned to get used to that awkward feeling. You have to know that not being comfortable means you’re growing. The skills you’re learning, or the way you’re thinking about something new are being stretched.
Even though that’s a good thing, it’s only up to you to decide to keep facing discomfort head-on.
Make a point to try new things to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Talk to random people on the street and ask them questions about their life, volunteer to present new ideas during meetings at work, put your writing out online wherever you can, and brace yourself for criticism.
Doing what you fear will build up your tolerance for it and make it easier over time.
“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
The main reason to grow more decisive in dealing with failure and discomfort is to get better at doing your craft. People want to read, watch, and hear good quality work, and if you make stuff and make it well, they’ll notice.
It’s incredible how easy it can be to give up because we can’t handle things not going the way we think they should. You will win when you give yourself the space to fail and feel like crap, but get back up and keep making—even if your success takes years.
If there’s one thing we can’t deny, it’s high-quality work. Good writing, beautiful music, and clever ideas get noticed, even if we’re unsure why it’s so great.
A combination of daily work, to get better, then facing your fears to put it out there can make a difference. When one of my articles gets a lot of attention or a comic strip receives many positive comments, I know I connected with people.
Even if that doesn’t happen for every piece, I put out, I know continuing to produce, learn, and iterate will help give me more chances at success.
It’s never just luck, even though luck can help. Working through setbacks and challenges will get you where you want to be in the long run.
Your success in life is proportional to how much risk and discomfort you can handle. Now get out there and fail more.
Want more? If you’re struggling with doing original work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can upgrade your mindset and share your art with the world.
Illustration by the author.
Writing only for money is a waste of time.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to earn dollars for your articles or sell millions of copies of your book—it shouldn’t be your main goal, though.
As a writer, teacher, and cartoonist, I’ve spent the past twenty years making money from what I love and also putting a ton of creative work out for free. The free stuff I shared was more fun and fulfilling than when I was paid mainly because I could do what I wanted and didn’t have to worry about pleasing anyone.
Rarely was I able to mix making money with something I had a passion for, like my comic strip Little Fried Chicken and Sushi. The strip started as a free webcomic about my experiences living in Japan, and I posted it online for four years, then it got syndicated online by Andrews McMeel Publishing.
Creating the comic was a labor of love, and I enjoyed the freedom to write my story and characters however I wanted. The delightful combination of writing and drawing together, which every cartoonist loves, stayed for many years, even with a wider audience reading.
I learned what it takes to consistently create content every week for years. One thing always rang true—you can’t only care about making money. Here are several ways to focus less on your bank account and more on the pleasure of writing.
You get more out of it when you write for the joy of writing. Even if you’re someone in dire straits, who must get paid asap, get a job, any job to help pay your bills, to keep that joy alive while writing on the side. Don’t worry, your creativity will keep on popping.
Art is about creating for the sake of just that, creation.
We live in a time where you have the ability and means to create because it’s fun. There are still plenty of places on this planet where people are struggling in their living conditions or are in the middle of surviving a war.
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you have the opportunity to make stuff where and when you want. People in your family tree are smiling at all they worked hard to accomplish so you can have the freedom to write.
Work a job, write on the side until something connects with readers, and you can eventually leave it if you choose.
You’re not alone as someone who wants a successful career as a writer. It’s not uncommon for literary agents to receive anywhere from five thousand to twenty thousand query letters from authors seeking representation for their book manuscripts each year. Only a handful make it to a release through a major publishing house.
I’m not saying this to bring you down, just to throw a dose of reality onto your fire.
Whether you’re a successful writer or not, you will continue writing. I’ve had ups and downs, and still, I draw and write every day. Writing articles like this one feels good, and I also enjoy laughing when I finally come up with a funny gag for a comic strip.
I have a relationship, or marriage, with my creative interests that will last no matter how well I’m doing financially. I’ve been broke making my art and also know what it’s like to get a salary from making my art.
Both situations required I work continuously on improving my skills by doing the work. You’ve got to find the fun in creating daily to keep going even when times are tough.
Writing for yourself is fine, and if you’re working on a novel, it can be pretty rewarding. Creating stories that inspire others or articles to help people learn and grow in their lives can bring more fun to your writing practice.
Putting your work out into the world for free as often as possible will help you get noticed. When you inspire others, bringing value to people, even one person, you will reap the benefits.
Sometimes, it’s just one thank you email response or comment on your article from someone you helped. You’re instantly connected and feel a sense of true purpose. So, it’s not always money that motivates. Glowing with the knowledge, you helped another person—or thousands—get what they want out of life or feel more a part of theirs is transformational.
Not everyone can buy your books or pay to read what you’ve written online. Thanks to the internet, giving it away for free online makes it accessible to all and can reach more people who need your words.
You’ll be surprised at how much helping others helps you.
I hear creatives whining about how difficult it is to write. If it’s so hard, why write at all? You could be watching TV or playing video games.
Could it be writing helps you feel better? It helps you process events in your life and understand your place in it? Maybe that’s a good reason to push through the pain of a problematic article draft or the frustration of a paragraph not coming together how you hoped.
Writing puts the pieces together in your mind and can mend your heart.
Does this sound like something that needs money to be worthwhile? You, putting your whole self into what you create makes it special.
Creating is never a waste of time, no matter how disappointed you may become with your results. You may think burnout or giving up on writing happens when you work too much. Actually, investing emotionally and then not getting a return on your investment is the problem.
When you can accept your mental healing as a valuable return, your fulfillment for helping others, and enjoyment with the process of writing as payment for your time, you’ll feel more satisfied.
Did you notice I didn’t highlight much about how writing all the time helps your skills grow? I’m sure you already know. Actually, it could be a whole article of its own. If you want to get better at something, do it every day. One more key to add is to do it with the intention of getting better.
And you will.
If something you wrote takes off, garners millions of readers, and makes you boatloads of money, magnificent. The rewards will taste sweeter because you know you did it for love, not money.
Want more? If you’re struggling with doing original work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can learn to share your art with the world.
Photo by Sabrina Mazzeo on Unsplash
Did he just dump his entire lunch onto the street?
I recently visited London for the first time and fell in love with the city and its people. There’s a charm that grabbed me, and history, with a bit of clotted cream on the side, keeping it on my mind. If you haven’t been, you should go. Escaping America again soon to experience more British culture is most definitely in the cards.
The only part of the trip that surprised me was how many people littered. Not just gum wrappers or small store receipts, but all the garbage in their pockets and more lying about on the streets.
I watched a man stop at a red light, open his car door, and throw all of his fast-food trash—his paper bag of food and cup of soda—out onto the street, then keep driving when the light turned green—no concern about the environment. No worries.
Garbage cans were hard to come by, but I wondered why people couldn’t keep their trash with them until they found one. Or, wait until they got home?
Big cities require you to walk and take public transportation, so you might not feel like trekking around all day with your garbage, so you drop it to lighten your load.
Getting rid of actual trash any time, anywhere, is a terrible thing to do. As a lover of metaphors, this made me think of the emotional baggage—or junk—we continually carry around and never get rid of in our lives.
What if we treated our trauma and emotional issues like the trash we must dump immediately? Not onto random strangers or everyone we know, but making a point to feel and process our emotions, then talk to good friends and therapists to help us unload our crap.
I like to call it “Positive littering for the mind," a more immediate way to get back to happiness.
To do it, though, you have to take an honest look at what you’re carrying.
The author in London by the Thames river and parliament.
Sightseeing in London was jolly good fun. We stayed in an Airbnb apartment close to parliament and could walk over to the river Thames within ten minutes to view Big Ben and the London Eye Ferris wheel.
One of my favorite experiences was watching the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. They even had a marching band playing familiar songs like Phantom of the Opera and the Spiderman theme.
Taking in all the sites and over one thousand years of history hits you with awe for the beauty and culture, respect for what they’ve built, and anger at the atrocities of colonialism.
You have to face plenty of mixed emotions and serious issues when you make a point to look at what’s in front of you.
That’s why most people push their feelings down deep and ignore them. They won’t go away if you turn your back or stuff them somewhere in your heart. Yes, negative emotions like fear, shame, and disappointment are uncomfortable, but you have to feel them if you want them to dissipate.
Name these dark and deep emotions. Call them out. Or, at least think about why you’re feeling this way and what led to them. Knowing what you’re carrying can help you release later.
When I visit my inlaws in Japan, there are very few garbage cans when we’re out and about. People there tend to hold on to their trash, keeping it in their bags, purses, or pockets while walking. Therefore, I do the same.
You’re very aware you’re carrying your garbage, which can be pretty annoying.
It’s so satisfying when you get to a garbage can at the subway station or home and can dump it all out. After carrying it for a while, you’re very aware of all you have and enjoy watching it go where it belongs.
I saw people in London littering, but I didn’t see a lot of litter on the ground. Apparently, it’s a big problem there, but they must have plenty of city workers hired to clean it all up regularly. I expected to see more garbage than I did.
It would be best to take them out once you see your issues and accept them—name them as garbage.
This is where “Positive littering for the mind” comes in, and you can do it all in your head. It may feel like a stretch for some of you but stick with me here.
Visualize yourself taking that issue or problem and throwing it in the garbage. Ball it up into a big wad of wrinkled papers in your mind and feel those uncomfortable emotions. They won’t feel good but don’t hide from them.
See yourself letting it go into a huge can. You can even use hand motions to throw it into the trash with force. The relief once your garbage hits bottom will be all the sweeter. You faced your trash and threw it out.
You cleaned out your mess.
Does this solve all your emotional problems? No. And I’m no licensed therapist or psychiatrist, but I am a middle school teacher and creative guy who’s been through a lot of crap. This method works for me and helps strengthen my tolerance for facing challenging emotions.
If you don’t have time at the moment to do this, take time to meditate in the morning or before bed, and visualize taking out your mental trash.
I know severe trauma and painful parts of childhood are not easy to ball up and throw in the trash with your imagination. This method works on milder emotions or immediate feelings best. Making sure to see a therapist and work on talking through your serious issues that may be causing the smaller ones to feel more extreme is essential.
Of course, talk therapy is scary too. Getting to a place where you can face what’s holding you back or causing negative emotions is a step towards healing and getting help for more profound issues.
You don’t want to litter your emotional baggage all over everyone, but you should have a goal to get to a place where you can openly express your feelings and talk to people who can help you heal. If not, moving forward in life will be a significant challenge.
The next trip to London will be a welcome adventure and one I’m more prepared to face now that I’ve visited once before. I know how to get around and better understand how the city is laid out.
Just like facing your emotional baggage, you get more confident with experience. I highly recommend world travel, especially to the U.K., but you don’t have to go overseas to start healing your mind and heart.
You can do that right now, with a bit of self-awareness and quiet time.
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or psychiatrist. Please use my advice at your discretion and see a professional if you’re suffering from severe depression.
Want more? If you’re struggling with doing original work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can upgrade your mindset and share your art with the world.
Photo by Aleksandra Sapozhnikova on Unsplash
I believe in working a job and having another money-making venture on the side, but it’s not always as easy as people make it seem.
If you’ve survived the Covid pandemic, stop and look at what you’ve accomplished. Do you have a job paying the bills right now? Congratulations! You’re much better off than most people.
Are you physically healthy and in decent shape? Another win.
Even though it’s hard to hear, you’re most likely emotionally and mentally damaged after surviving a worldwide pandemic. Hearing about people dying every day, maybe even family members, and doing what you can to keep the virus at bay and, at the same time, food on the table takes herculean effort.
Adding a side business to all of that takes serious consideration after everything we’ve been through in the world.
What do you want out of life?
The unprecedented times we’ve lived through have now become precedented times. Fortunately, because of vaccines and people being more willing to take them, life improves steadily.
Let’s hope we can gradually move back to some semblance of normalcy in the next few years. As a teacher, writer, and cartoonist, I’m choosing to build up my writing and drawing skills with the awareness it can be easy to crash and burn if I do too much.
You have to decide what you can handle in your specific circumstances right now, which might not include—let’s be honest—more work.
Your “why” should be about more than money. Even if you’re in bad financial shape and need to make some dough to catch up on bills, you should have meaningful goals attached to it as well.
Freelance writing is an easy example. You can make money writing for clients doing blog posts, case studies, and copywriting. Freelancing has its challenges, but you’re growing and improving as a writer.
I loved freelance writing as my side hustle pre-pandemic while teaching Art full-time. Finding jobs on Upwork was tricky at first, but I figured it out and smiled my way through icky clients. But I also had fun with wonderful ones, learning more about business writing, and growing a more impressive writing portfolio.
One of my goals was to eventually transition from teaching into copywriting for a tech company or full-time freelancing. Accepting that desire helped me keep going when I was tired or didn’t feel like writing after work. Three years of side hustling went by, and recruiters started taking notice of my case studies on Linkedin. I was able to move into a position as a copywriter for a tech company.
I learned a lot from experience over almost two years until the pandemic hit. The company let me go, and I was unemployed for a few months and moved back to teaching. Learning to teach from home was a huge challenge and took a ton out of me.
All of us had to learn to work differently. Doing your job remotely from home is a dream for others and a nightmare for some. I had my daughter at home and had to help with her remote schooling while attempting to keep up with my teaching.
It was hard. I barely made it through, but I get to decide how to proceed, and so do you.
“The action you take today will secure your tomorrow and have its repercussions. The pandemic will frizzle out and get over someday shortly, but the survivors remain. And remember we aim now at ‘safeguarding lives’ and ‘safeguarding livelihood’.”
― Henrietta Newton Martin , Legal Advisor & Author
I burned out from working too much during a pandemic while balancing parenting. It wasn’t like before when all I had to think about was how early to wake up to write and draw and make sure to rest on the weekends. Pandemic life changed me, and I had to take parts of my busy life off my plate to survive.
Post pandemic, side hustling looks different. Your other jobs or extra business might take a toll you don’t expect and hit you with health problems. Is it worth it?
If your side hustle happens to be something you’re passionate about, like acting or drawing, working for clients forces you to do something in that area you usually wouldn’t. This can be a good thing.
We all have certain parts of what we love we’re afraid to try. A business you’re working for will pull you out of your comfort zone, requiring you to do things you’ve been avoiding. You can learn to face discomfort.
Scary, but necessary if you want to grow. What if you feel like you don't have the capacity and are not ready to take on more? Should you put on Gary Vee podcasts yelling at you to get your hustle on? Maybe, just like most humans, he’s wrong sometimes too.
The only one who can tell you what’s right for you right now is you.
About a year ago, I remembered a popular saying, “Give yourself some grace.” If you’re not ready to stretch yourself yet, let your side hustle goals go for now.
Growing in your chosen passion is essential, and I strongly believe in facing your fears to get better at what you love. But it will tire you out.
If what you’re looking to get out of a side hustle feels like an incredible weight combined with everything else right now, leave it alone. Taking time to recharge your batteries is most important.
When you know why you want to work outside of your job, you can better understand what you can handle. Eventually, you can start—or continue—your work on the side when you know you can go all in.
The idea that there is never a better time than the present isn’t always true. Life can overload you, and trying to push through it all to become a side hustle success story isn’t always worth the effort. Believe it or not, there can and will be better times to start or continue a side hustle in the future.
Taking breaks and giving yourself time to heal physically and emotionally will help you reach success when you’re ready.
Slowing down to speed back up is essential. Running a marathon isn’t all sprinting, and it would help if you had time to coast a bit to burst back to being busy and successful.
Please understand that I believe in pursuing side hustles and have experienced their benefits.
More money to save and live a better life.
Learning and improving on valuable skills.
Opening up doors to new career opportunities.
You should definitely find and go for your side hustle—in time. Please make sure you’re thrilled about it inside and out.
If not, build up excitement by practicing the skills you would use in your side hustle as a hobby. Do it for fun. That’s what it should be, after all, anyway, right? When you can enjoy the process of writing, making, and creating, it gets easier to pursue it for a profit later.
Turning what you enjoy into a small business isn’t a walk in the park. When times are tough or not going the way you’d hoped, being able to do what you do for fun can keep you excited and motivated.
Even though I’ve actively sought out freelance work in the past, I’m enjoying writing on Medium and working on my unique voice at this point in my life. I’ve done some illustrations for a couple of clients this year but haven’t pushed hard for many more. It’s nice not having constant deadlines, and working when I want feels good for as long as I want.
Taking the time I needed to slow down helped me focus more on family and talking to a therapist for my mental health.
I can see myself freelancing consistently soon, but I’m in no rush. At least I’ve proven I can do it in the past, so getting back into side hustling with more gusto feels possible.
If you’re a super go-getter or afraid you won’t start, decide how long you’ll wait to begin side hustling. Give yourself a three months break.
Write down your plans to begin something in a year and mark it on your calendar. However long you think you’ll need to get back on track, have a goal of when you’ll start so you can look forward to it and mentally prepare.
The world and you have been through hell. Give yourself time and grace to build yourself up, and then hop on working your side hustle when you’re prepared.
Better times are ahead. Slow down and rest to work your side hustle at your best. You owe it to yourself, and your customers and clients will notice the difference.
Want more? If you’re struggling with doing original work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can upgrade your mindset and share your art with the world.
Wincing at life. Illustrated by the author.
I bet you thought becoming an adult would be so much fun. You would have complete control of your life, no parents telling you what to do.
Thinking the same almost ruined me when I got out in my twenties. "Wait. You mean I have to make all the decisions now and stop blaming everything on my parents?"
Yup. It gets real, real fast.
“As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.”
― David Sedaris, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls
I get what makes it feel sucky at times as a creative professional, husband, and father through more than twenty-five years of adult life after college under my belt.
I learned it’s about more than just screaming "Life sucks!" every time events don't go your way. Paying attention to these three reasons below can help you stay confident while slaying adulting.
Life is tough no matter what. How much you have or gain doesn't exclude you from the difficulties life throws at you constantly. I know you want more out of it, and for a good reason, but you forget, or perhaps aren't appreciating, everyone isn't in the same place as you.
Even if they were, it wouldn't matter anyway. Hard to hear, perhaps, but taking an honest look at where we are right now can help give you perspective.
Understanding where you are on the hierarchy of needs pyramid can help you know where you're going and give you faith things can improve.
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs poster courtesy of playvolutionhq.com.
Let's say you reached the top. Self-actualization is all yours now. All your financial needs are taken care of; you have time to create, have meaningful relationships, and control your daily schedule. Does this mean nothing negative will ever happen to you?
When life is going insanely well, we tend to despise setbacks when they happen, almost as if we've earned the right not to have to deal with them. It's almost as if only the good things should be in our lives because we have it so good.
Consequently, if we're towards the bottom of the pyramid and our basic needs aren't being met, we want to climb up and believe getting more will solve all our problems. Life will be easier when you're at the top but not devoid of tough times.
You'll be in a more balanced place to deal with the poop as it flies at you, but no amount of security, money, or love can stop the truth of life.
Bad things happen to good people. So, accept it, take full responsibility when it all goes sideways and take care of what's necessary to get your life back on track.
The excellent news, hard times can and will get better, even if it doesn't feel that way today.
Striving to become a better person is good, and only working your a$$ off to buy a bigger house is not.
Scrolling social media makes you jealous of others and their perceived joyful and prosperous life, and it's never as great as it looks. Still, you want to do more, have more, and be more because you see it's possible.
The people you admire as successful do not have a perfect life, and an ideal life doesn't exist. With all the money and power, the CEO you gawk at could be having marital problems at home or health issues they're hiding from the public.
We're all battling something.
Admiring the success of others is inspiring and can fill you with joy. Put keep your mind in the reality zone. Adulthood should be about striving for the personal success important to you while understanding life can never be perfect.
Are you able to think through everything you have at this moment, good and bad, and still smile? What gives you pleasure, even though the pain?
Everything you work hard for should feel worth the stress and strain. When times are hard for me, I love drawing as an outlet. Opening up a sketchbook and trying my hand at a portrait or a funny animated character helps me smile again.
When you take stock in your achievements and where you still want to go, appreciating what you've already accomplished goes a long way. Gratitude is the key to joy, even if it's only because you understand how important life's basics are.
If you're healthy and able to go for what gets your excitement rising each morning, you have a lot to be thankful for—let that empower you.
“You’ll never see a happy ungrateful person.”
Zig Ziglar
We're all sold the idea, in America at least, that making it equals big paychecks, lots of sex, and a mansion the size of an art museum. You're not genuinely making it if you're missing these symbols of success.
Not valid for everyone, and it doesn't have to be what you desire either.
Why are you doing all of this? Is it a part of your life purpose, or because you saw someone else doing it and decided it would be cool?
Make specific, thoughtful choices. I decided a long time ago going after vast sums of money wasn't going to be my goal. Life taught me money makes things easier.
I had to understand it's OK to want to make a good salary to take care of basic needs and save for retirement; it took years to accept I enjoy travel and need enough for at least one adventure a year.
Maybe that's not necessary for everyone, but travel matters to me. Seeing the world helps me feel wealthy, and I love learning about other cultures and cities.
What do you need to benefit you, your family, and your overall mental health right now? Write down a list of your needs and wants. Getting serious about what matters to you as an individual, not what you think you "should" desire is a good goal.
Are you in a place mentally to work towards being a self-actualized human being? If you don't know where to go, you can't stay on the right road.
Once you have a list of what you truly want, you can find people who have done what you strive for and learn from their experiences. Read about them, or better yet, talk to them in person if you can.
You will reach your goals if you compare yourself to the right people. The people doing precisely what you aspire to do in your life.
“Don’t you find it odd,” she continued, “that when you’re a kid, everyone, all the world, encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you’re older, somehow they act offended if you even try.”
― Ethan Hawke, The Hottest State
You have roadblocks to your goals. But if you get creative and find a way to go after your dreams, your life will feel loads more fulfilling and enjoyable.
No one said a good life would be easy.
Even doing what you love part-time, or dare I say, as a hobby, can create balance and instant smiles each morning you wake.
Take full responsibility for your life and do what it takes to do what you love. Yes, it may be more challenging if you're a person of color, or suffering an illness, but there are always ways to make things work.
Take time to plan how to save enough money to give you the freedom to do more of your passions.
Ask for help from people who can assist you on your journey or give you advice. Or, even better—mentoring.
Work a job that doesn't take all of your brainpower, and do your passion during your off hours until you can do it full-time.
Spend more time in groups with people who enjoy what you love. Life is less crappy when you spend it with others.
Permit yourself to love life by structuring it in a way that benefits your interests.
Keep your head in the right place. Not wanting too much all the time and giving thanks for what you have can change your outlook.
“I’ve been very blessed in my personal life and in my career and I have never been ungrateful for what I have.”
Mandy Patinkin
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The author in the middle of the writing process.
Writers know what they want to say and write down their thoughts quickly. Right?
Wrong!
Tonight, I sat down to write a new article with a loose outline and no idea of an exciting story to use as my lead-in.
I procrastinated and read a bunch of articles on Medium, checked social media, and then fell asleep in my recliner.
You read that right. I fell asleep.
Napping with the laptop right on my lap.
Twenty minutes later, I woke up, wiped the drool off my mouth, and read through my outline draft.
An idea finally came to me, so I went with it, researched, and continued writing for another hour.
Not very disciplined, but it was good enough to get the job done this time.
Productivity and being a “good writer” can look different for everyone.
The process isn’t always smooth and can look messy and even lazy. If it works, though, it works.
Relax and do it your way.
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Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash
Imagine you’re walking by a person on the street. They look you in the eyes and give you a big smile. I bet you feel better already. The energy of that smile travels over and makes you smile back.
It’s infectious, and I bet it’s what you need right now.
But, why?
Yes, life is challenging all over the world in these uncertain times. Everyone is battling something and could use a little pick-me-up in the energy department, but there’s more to it than that.
You need to know that a smile is possible right now. It’s a sign of hope.
When you see someone else filled with joy, you know it’s possible for you too. Even if you don’t have anything on your mind to smile about, the act is simple.
Smiling is something you can do for yourself anytime, even if you’re not feeling happy at the moment, and it leads you down the road to more positive energy. Even if your life is full of things you can’t do, you know you can, as the saying goes, turn that frown upside down.
Smiling takes effort, though. Why should you bother? Isn’t it better to walk around with a mean mug, so others know you’re about business?
Here are three reasons you should make a point to smile more each day.
When you’ve been upset about something, how often do you think about cracking a smile? Not much, I’m pretty sure, but making a point to smile can help quickly pull you out of your funk.
Scientific studies suggest a smile can trick your brain into thinking you’re happy. Your body will produce endorphins, a natural painkiller, to alleviate your sadness.
Researchers at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, and Texas A&M, wrote a paper looking at 50 years of data testing whether facial expressions can lead people to feel emotions connected to those expressions.
Nicholas Coles, a UT Ph.D. student in social psychology and lead researcher on the paper, found these results:
Using a statistical technique called meta-analysis, Coles and his team combined data from 138 studies testing more than 11,000 participants from all around the world. According to the results of the meta-analysis, facial expressions have a small impact on feelings. For example, smiling makes people feel happier, scowling makes them feel angrier, and frowning makes them feel sadder.
Making a point to smile more, especially in difficult times, could be just what you need.
Feeling anxious is pretty much standard these days. There’s so much to worry about. It’s no wonder people are doing all they can to escape their emotions, like drinking liquor and taking anti-anxiety drugs. Why not try a simple smile?
Smiling helps to relieve stress and calm anxiety.
It might sound silly, but if you treat smiling like exercise for your mouth muscles, I bet you’d remember to do it more. It feels like it takes more effort than a frown when I smile for no reason, and my mouth needs me to keep it turned up, or it falls back into that flat neutral zone.
The more you smile, the stronger and easier it gets to do the action, and the better you’ll feel. Associating what makes you anxious as a negative is most likely part of the cause of your fears. If we smile while thinking about what’s giving us anxiety, it can become more of a favorable opportunity in our minds.
It is similar to an area of growth or chance to prove you have what it takes to succeed in life or your day-to-day work.
The secret to a long life has a smile a day included in its ingredients. Yes, there are plenty of angry older people, but for the most part, growing old takes looking at life with the proper perspective. You have to see the positive and smile in response to help your attitude remain light and keep a youthful mind.
There’s something about using your facial muscles to smile that turns up the number of years you live.
A research project at Wayne State University was done in 2010, tracking the longevity of baseball players who smiled in their baseball cards. This study found that the span of a player’s smile could predict their life span.
Players who didn’t smile in their pictures lived an average of only 72.9 years, while players with beaming smiles lived an average of 79.9 years. Not a huge difference, I know, but my guess is the smiling players had a better quality of life and isn’t that what really matters?
How you feel about yourself and the life you’re creating is an essential part of waking up and facing your days.
Make a decision right now to remember to smile. I’m not talking about just every time you see someone, more about when you’re alone, even when you’re on your laptop getting work done. Remember to smile. Are you driving to work?
Smile.
You know it feels magnificent, but how come you don’t make a point to smile more throughout the day? Yeah, maybe smiling when you’re alone looks ridiculous, but who cares. A smile is a reward for all the stress and strife you’re facing in uncertain times. Give yourself that gift and get over how it may look to others.
Remind yourself to smile, almost like you remember to stretch or workout. You’ll feel better, and when you pass someone else and help them lighten up, they’ll probably end up smiling too.
Spreading joy has never been more effortless.
Want more? If you’re struggling with making authentic work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can discover how to upgrade your mindset and share your creative writing and art with the world.
Photo courtesy of intellectualsinsider.com.
One of the most brutal truths to accept: suffering is something everyone experiences in life, and you are not immune. But you can get stronger.
Feeling disappointment when bad things happen is usual, and it can almost feel like, however, you're a victim of bad karma. Like all of this shouldn't be happening to you.
Let's get real here, going through hard times, heartbreak, and unforeseen challenges will occur regularly and most likely break your spirit. Staying strong through it all takes strength and confidence, but most of all, determination.
How can you not let the crap of life drag you down the drain with it?
Whenever I hear David Goggins speak or read his stern but encouraging words, it puts everything in the proper perspective. Tough to take in at times, but core strengthening.
David Goggins is an ultramarathon runner, ultra-distance cyclist, triathlete, motivational speaker, and author if you don't know him. He's a retired United States Navy SEAL and former United States Air Force Tactical Air Control Party member who served in Afghanistan and the Iraq War.
Goggins is a former world record holder for the most pull-ups done in 24 hours (4,030 to be exact). Crazy, right?! His self-help memoir, Can't Hurt Me, was released in 2018 and is chock full of inspirational quotes to help you take action and live the life of a warrior.
Becoming just like him is not the goal—there's no way I could even come close—but becoming stronger to face whatever life throws at you is definitely where you should want to grow.
Here's his way to think about this:
“You have to build calluses on your brain just like how you build calluses on your hands. Callus your mind through pain and suffering.” David Goggins
When you're familiar with suffering and confident you can move forward, you have an edge in life even while in pain.
Hardening your resolve when challenges face you, and they will, gives you the confidence to say, "I've been through worse; I can take this." You aren't as phased by pain and setbacks the way others are.
If you go through hell, you don't expect to live in heaven at all times.
In what I've read from David Goggins, he believes you have to suffer from growing, and there's no way around it. This idea resonated with me, but I wouldn't say I liked the feeling it gave at first.
You know intellectually you will not succeed at everything, but you hope never to experience disappointment or failure. It doesn't add up. I had to accept that the good of life comes with the bad—even though I wanted to feel like it should be easy and fun.
Goggins says you should train yourself to get stronger by seeking out challenging goals and pushing hard towards achieving them. You'll go through pain, but come out with those calluses to keep you moving forward.
They say life is a marathon and not a sprint, and well, I think it's more of an Iron Man Triathlon. It would be best to excel in many different areas, from managing your emotions to developing and growing employable skills while keeping a positive outlook on life.
It's not simple, but you can succeed at just about anything when you understand you have the power already inside you.
You will become great if you can get through doing all the crap you hate to do. This idea is one Goggins believes, and I've seen work in my life.
Living through health problems and job losses was difficult, but I have to admit that facing rejection regularly is one of the toughest.
As a creative person, rejection is something you must become acquainted with, almost like it's a family member you tolerate. Submitting articles to publications and hearing it's not fit for them, or putting a piece of art out there no one responds to, or even worse gives negative comments about, is a nightmare.
You can't make the possibility of rejection stop you from sharing your work or who you truly are. I like to call my feeling of uncertainty a "Fear Zone." When I notice my reluctance to submit or put something out in the world I worked hard on, I tell myself to run, not walk, into that fear zone.
When something doesn't go how you planned, or someone tells you no, it feels crappy. Sure, you can feel upset and even get mad and depressed, but you must rise again at some point.
When you've built up the mental muscles to handle your disappointments, do the uncomfortable work, and still walk through fear, you may fail many times, but at some point, you will succeed.
Take a tip from David Goggins and start building those mental calluses today.
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In America, you dream of dating that perfect someone with hopes of hearing them say, “I love you.” Not only once but every day after. Gazing into your eyes and speaking those three magical words confirms the connection you both have for each other and also puts you at ease.
You know they want to be with you just as much as you want to be with them. All because of saying one little phrase.
It’s not the same in every country. I learned from living in Japan for two years, dating my wife, and now visiting with her for the past twenty—actions speak louder than words.
Saying “I love you” every day if you’re Japanese dilutes the feeling behind the words. I was surprised to learn couples there feel like you should show and not tell.
Or, you could look like a liar—someone who’s hiding something.
Why say the words when your deeds and actions make it very clear how you feel? Even in a Japanese family, you don’t have to show affection and use words to let loved ones know they mean a lot to you. Hugging and kissing all over your spouse? Nope. Telling your children, you love them? No way.
The fact that your delicious dinner was prepared with care and noticing the perfect way your clothes were folded neatly says it all. Picking up something your wife dropped right away and holding the door for her as you walk into a store are impressive gestures of love.
Even the tone of your voice to your partner speaks volumes. Small things, for sure, but vital to making your feeling for the other person clear.
I’m an affectionate person, and of course, growing up in America, I learned not only to show but to most definitely tell how I feel to express love. Learning to understand what my wife expected and needed in our relationship took time and a bit of trial and error.
The idea of having different “Love Languages” popularized by author Gary Chapman in his book series, ‘The Five Love Languages’ has become well-known in the states. Some of us feel more loved when our partner tells us or gives us compliments, and others enjoy physical touch or having someone give them gifts or help them around the house.
To be clear, all of these are fantastic ways to show love, and you should add them to your relationship. Normally, though, one of them makes your partner feel loved deeply. So much so, if you don’t give love in the language they need, they could feel like you’re not meeting their needs and become unhappy or leave.
In Japan, I’m not sure it works the same. Showing your love is all about actions, and what you do and how you show your love to your partner is what matters—part of showing that love means avoiding conflict as much as possible.
Love means keeping the home a peaceful place while keeping your strong opinions quiet for the good of the family and your marriage.
Perhaps ‘The Five Love Languages’ book is translated into Japanese, but I bet the meanings are different. Can you even have a chapter on verbal compliments as a love language? Maybe it becomes the opposite — your partner loves you more, the less they actually say it.
Or, the book is just one long chapter: The Language of Action
When we were dating, I would meet my wife at a train station in Osaka to walk around together and find a place to eat. If I arrived there early, even if she weren’t late, she would be running over to me, looking rushed. Showing me how important it was for her to get there and be with me.
At first, I didn’t understand the importance of this and told her she didn’t have to run over to meet me. Especially if she’s not late, but she didn’t stop doing it. After several dates, I realized how much she cared and wanted to show me how eager she was to meet for our date. It was a sweet gesture.
My love language is more about getting affection, but over time, I grew to appreciate the power of someone I love doing and showing how much they care by treating me each day.
Anyone can say they love you, but can they show it with how they treat you day in and day out for many, many years? I have experience, but I know I’m no expert, but it seems in Japan, you get more respect if you prove love lasts without only saying words.
Life in Japan is tough. People work long hours, commute far to work, and there are pages of cultural rules you must follow to fit in and be considered a good citizen. When you can make life a little easier for your partner by reducing their stress at home or showing them someone cares about their happiness, that’s huge.
I don’t believe, though, this means every Japanese wife is quiet and docile, bowing and obeying their husbands every want and need. Every husband is silent and ignores his family. Maybe some are, but most couples learn how to express their opinions and be honest with each other in a non-threatening way to keep a loving relationship alive.
There are times when so much can be said and understood with just a look or a subtle change in tone of voice.
The ones that don’t figure it out, who yell at each other back and forth, aren’t going to last long. It’s like that in America too, you say? Yes, but in the states, it’s easier to accept the passionate release of honesty as a way of learning more about your partner down the line. It’s a part of our culture of freedom of expression.
Making it a point to not only show love but garner respect over time is paramount. Going through all the inevitable tough times, life throws at you will prove much easier when you have someone who respects you as a person by your side.
My wife and I have learned how to have a nice balance between quiet yet open honesty and showing love through actions. I bet we’re not as loud as other couples when we’re angry with each other, a lot of using the silent treatment, but we know how important we are to one another and work things out.
In terms of long-term relationships, especially in Japan, respect is even more important than a passionate love affair.
You can add some Japanese forms of showing love by doing more little things for your partner. Helping them put on their coat, helping them set the table for dinner, holding your opinion when they’re complaining about work.
If you’re dating someone Japanese, be open to figuring out what works for you both. Discovering how many American and Japanese style relationship pieces to add takes time and is up to you.
Holding hands with your spouse is an accepted way to show love in public in Japan physically. I remember the big deal it was to walk with my wife holding hands in the street. Even bigger because I’m a tall African American, there was no hiding in public.
We hold hands together today when in Japan while walking together and, even though it’s a small gesture, it still feels special.
My wife and I say “I love you” to each other each day, but that’s because I shared what it means to me early on in our relationship. I’m sure because I’m not Japanese makes it easier for her to accept and enjoy hearing it from her husband.
You might not fully understand how another culture handles relationships, but it doesn’t mean they’re doing it wrong. It’s just different.
Opening up to new ways of expressing love can help you and your relationships grow.
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Image courtesy of screenrant.com.
Experiencing ups and downs in your career and relationships can bring you to the point where you wonder if you should even keep trying.
Life's decisions and challenges can be like an action movie of the mind. You're dodging bullet-like events, staying strong through heartbreak and loss, while walking with your head up to keep from falling to the ground from the vertigo of events spinning around in your head.
Do you have to go through the trauma of losing your wife and exacting revenge like John Wick through a shoot-em-up flurry of gun craziness to feel like your issues have merit?
Nope.
The difficulties you face are more powerful than you're giving them credit for each day.
I've lost a sister far too young, a good friend shot and killed by the police, and took chances on jobs and creative pursuits that didn't work out and left me feeling hurt and utterly defeated.
Loss is something I'm very familiar with, but I still find a way to smile.
Friends and family think I'm always a positive, happy guy who can get through anything. I could never understand why. This quote gave me some insight and might help you too.
“If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, then you’re a badass with a heart of an angel.”
-Keanu Reeves
The pandemic and world events have been rocking you back and forth like a ship in a storm. No one is immune to tough times right now. Please know staying a good person through it all is a testament to your strength and character.
Don't let it break you. Or, even worse, make you hate your life.
Turning to alcohol and drugs is a common way to cope. Not ideal for many reasons and a weak way to handle things, but it can make you think you're doing something to get through.
Remembering you're not a lonely action hero is better.
Find a support system of good friends or groups you can visit to talk through your pain and face it head-on. Feel your anger, shame, disappointment, and sadness so you can release it from your being.
As humans, we need a community to feel cared for and help us stay strong together. There's nothing weak about getting help.
When my youngest sister died at twenty-five years old, I was devastated. Fortunately, a friend suggested a men's support group, and I made the time to attend each week, which was transformational.
I learned about the stages of grief and accepted that some days would hurt like hell, while others would feel better, but over time, I would handle the loss with more ease.
My sister's memory is always there; missing her never goes away, but I keep her in my heart.
Joining the support group was something that would have sounded silly to me if a friend hadn't have cared enough to recommend it to me. It kept me from dealing with it all by taking drugs or other self-destructive activities.
A community can stand by your side and help lift you instead of just giving up.
If current world events aren't transforming you into a supervillain, you're pretty darn impressive. Give yourself some credit.
The truth is, as you age, everything gets more complicated. You get more responsibilities, your body breaks down, slows down, and gets tired easier.
You can toughen up, and I've seen so many seemingly weak people do it and grow the thick skin and loving heart needed to take the punches and still care for others as long as you decide in your head to overcome it all.
Owning your badassness can work wonders for your confidence. You can harden yourself on the outside while staying gentle and flexible inside.
When the guns of life are all pointing your way, know you have what it takes to keep being who you are and give the world your unique gifts.
I hope this pep talk helped upgrade your perspective.
Even heroes need a boost now and then. It's time to get out there and make Keanu proud.
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Illustrated by the author.
Being a success is overrated.
Why worry about making yourself better when the world is slowly spiraling down the toilet bowl?
Let's get real here, people.
Thinking positively does little to help your attitude anyway, and you just end up feeling like a fake. Facing reality and putting yourself down can work wonders. Take it from me, a generally positive person, at least that's what all my friends call me—I'm ready for a change.
These last few years, I survived a pandemic, watching good people die in droves even after being careful not to spend time in crowds but still end up catching covid. Wearing masks and washing hands only to still, that's right, see more people catch covid. Other self-proclaimed good folks believe they don't even need a vaccine, and it's all a hoax. They seem fine with themselves.
Meanwhile, I lose my job and have to learn to survive and find a new one while everyone else is fleeing theirs. Should I try to be happy? Make it all the better by telling myself positive mantras?
If someone can decide what life means to them and choose how to live it the way they want, even if it's ridiculous, I've opted that thinking positively is getting thrown out the window.
Here's a mindset shift that defies what self-help gurus preach, so we can start demotivating ourselves and get honest about our situations. It's time you gain power from negative self-criticism.
Criticizing yourself and your appearance after waking up in the morning, looking at your sad reflection staring back, is the new motivation for success. Dominate your mind with negative talk about how you need to lose weight and exercise more.
I bet your hair looks awful. Isn't it time for a new hairdo?
Yeah, your job sucks. Who cares. What are you going to do about it? Nothing. I thought so.
Doesn't this feel good?
Destructive self-talk sculpts an image of yourself that's hard to break unless you recognize you're doing it in the first place. Embrace this downer version of you and let the Eeyore-like side shine.
What? Is all this negativity silly to you? After smelling all your garbage, you should want to clean it up.
The more you fan a flame, the more it burns. It's time to grow yours into a roaring fire with negative self-talk. How bad can you make yourself feel?
Dare yourself to try. How many crappy details about your life and failures can you drum up? Life ain't always great, so stop pretending.
Give it all you got, and feel that fire rage inside. The worse you feel, the better.
You might get so enraged that you get completely sick and tired of being sick and tired. So what?
Why don't you do something about it? Oh, you're too lazy, huh?
If only you cared enough to think of times where you made the right choices and succeeded. Accept that some things in life work out, and others don't.
Feeling bad about yourself can help make you feel good.
The other day I cursed at myself for making a wrong turn and having to re-route the directions to an appointment—one I was already late for anyway. I could have been kind and talked to my brain about how everything will be fine and work out well in the end.
But it didn't. Me being late made everything worse and upset people I care about. Maybe next time I have a meaningful engagement, I should leave super early because I suck at finding new places.
Making sure to step outside yourself and see the bad can help you know what to improve. You shouldn't hide behind positivity if you want to make real change.
You have to be unkind to yourself to know where to grow and get so upset you actually do something instead of just talking.
You have triggers that make you feel down on yourself or give up, and you might as well discover them so you know when you're spanking yourself. When we feel at our lowest, we are often about to make a breakthrough.
If you can tell when you're at rock bottom, you can be open for the moment of clarity that helps you see where to go next. Giving yourself a chance to notice what pulls you down can help you know how to climb back up. Or, better yet, how not to spiral down in the future.
Times are tough in the world right now, and we need to be tougher. You can't always fix everything by just thinking positively.
You've seen those old black and white photos of families from a hundred years ago. They weren't smiling, and they were surviving.
They didn't finish a day on the farm, working out in the hot sun, smiling, and telling themselves how happy they were. Looking in the mirror, telling themselves life can be easy and fun when life was hard. Our ancestors had very few options.
It's much easier now, but we act like it should be a breeze.
Life is still challenging, no matter how nicer our living conditions have become—facing negativity and letting it run all over you is how to understand what gets you down and leads to change.
Unless you suffer from chronic depression, you might want to see a doctor and get on medication if that's the case.
The rest of us can learn to live with our negativity and practice some grit.
Cheers to the new you.
Want more? If you’re struggling with making authentic work, click here to join my (free) email list, and through comics, articles about culture, and living your truth, you can discover how to upgrade your mindset and share your creative writing and art with the world.
Fried Chicken and Sushi is a Blog and humorous comic strip about living in Japan and Japanese pop-culture.
© copyright 2010 - Khalid Birdsong All Rights Reserved.
