One of the Best Ways to Become a Better Writer

How a cartoonist’s quote helped me understand what writers truly need

Coming up with creative ideas for topics or stories to write about consistently can be challenging. Even when you get them, how can your writing feel authentic and full of life?

In an interview with cartoonist Jef Mallett of the syndicated “Frazz” comic strip, he gave simple yet powerful advice on writing for his same cast of characters week after week.

“Get a life and steal from it.” -Jef Mallett

In his opinion, only taking from other books or TV shows isn’t as powerful as swiping from your life. To do that, you need to live a little. There’s a richness to personal experiences readers can feel.

Leave your house, take risks, and then write about them.

You Only Need 3 Words to Have a Life You Yearn For

Upgrading your thinking doesn't have to be hard

One of the biggest names in the fashion industry didn't start designing wedding dresses until age 40.

Vera Wang found her true calling a bit later in life. She pursued her dreams of being a successful athlete but failed to qualify for the 1968 Olympic figure-skating team.

When her sports goals didn't work out as she'd hoped, Vera changed what she yearned for and took on one of her other interests—fashion. Working at Vogue for many years gave her experience and new skills, but, unfortunately, she never rose to the company's top.

Putting time in on the side to design wedding dresses and ultimately open her bridal boutique in the upscale Carlyle Hotel on Madison Avenue in New York City helped put her on the map.

Today, Vera Wang is huge in the fashion realm with a business worth over one billion dollars.

Anyone who succeeds through multiple ups and downs and can pivot into success must have a clear vision to pursue. Deciding what your's is can be easier than you think.

Choose three words to yearn for in life

I bet you tend to want it all when it comes to life—all the money, a perfect loving relationship, and a fantastic job. It might even be that you're extremely specific about exactly which company you want to work for or the type of person you most desire.

How about you try picking just three words that cover what you yearn for in life in a broader sense?

Narrowing down what you truly want to three words can help your mind focus and attract the experiences you desire most. This keeps you open to many possibilities and not fixed on specific outcomes.

For example, if you say, "I yearn for kindness, adventure, and peace in my life." this statement will set your mind in motion to attract what you desire.

Making concrete decisions activates the universe to start working for you. Keeping what you yearn for broad and open will give you the flexibility to change when needed.

Me? I yearn for love, freedom, and creativity.

Coming up with those words took several tries. In fact, I might still change them. It gives me a high-level idea of what I need to feel like life is going my way. Something similar to a compass that guides me when I get off track. I can ask myself questions like, "Will this bring more love into my life, or less?" or "Can I gain more freedom from starting this business?"

When you have the three words you yearn for, you're on your way. If they're not all present in your life yet, be careful with how fast you expect them.

Walk towards your goals, don't run

Yearning is not desperation. Take your time getting to where you want to go in your life, relationships, and career. Anytime I try to rush things, they turn out less meaningful with little fulfillment.

Make your yearnings like the locations you're walking towards each day. Move steadily ahead but always have your goals in sight. There's so much to discover when you take time to pay attention along the way.

Running fast towards goals makes you miss learning moments. These are important ones that could help you appreciate what you're receiving and help with the knowledge to keep it together.

Yearning leads to doing, then eventually, becoming. I hate to admit sometimes that growth and change are gradual. Patience is not my strong suit. The problem is, you don't see how much you've grown most of the time because changes are so small. Doing more faster usually feels like the more innovative way to get to success. It's not.

Remember, doing small acts leads to more significant success in time. Stacking those little blocks can build on themselves.

In conclusion

If you don't have an overarching idea of what you want your life to feel like, you won't get all you desire. Some favorable aspects can happen by chance and fit into your vision, but a good life you yearn for takes planning and intention most of the time.

Here’s the truth: People who get what they want tend to be the ones who make the effort to know what they want. -Martha Beck

I'm nearly there with my goals of love, freedom, and creativity. The freedom part is still taking time, though, like my dream of not working a day job but choosing to solely because it interests me.

I have more flexibility in my life right now because I know what I'm looking for and can make decisions based on my vision. You can do this too.

Choose your three words to yearn for in life and start taking the steps and strides, like Vera Wang, down the runway towards them. Make sure to carry patience on your back. You'll get there eventually and realize everything you desire is already surrounding you.

Want more? If you're struggling with creativity and putting your work out regularly, join my (free) email list, and through comics and articles, discover how to upgrade your mindset here.

Getting Your Dream Job Should Never Be The End Goal

I’m not afraid anymore to admit what matters

Photo by Magnet.me on Unsplash

When you get that (insert dream job), you’ll be happy. Right?

Even though you know this isn’t true, you hope it will be.

Why? Because you want to feel special. Someone chose you for that job and, therefore, success. So, you’re important. The validation you receive from the money, prestige, and professional challenge of that position will make all of your hard work up until now worthwhile.

Is there more to a career than giving all your talents to a company?

Could it be you’re afraid to see it’s really about what you’re giving to the world as well as yourself at the same time? While also giving to yourself, what you contribute to society brings you meaning—a genuine purpose.

Not just a ladder for you to climb in a career.

When everyone is telling you to strive for success, you may wonder what that means. Yes, it depends on how you think success should look, but there’s more.

My dream of becoming an art teacher came true. There are parts I love about the job. And other parts I could do without—the same for when I dreamed of working as a copywriter at a tech company. The experience was incredible in so many ways and not so fantastic in others.

I thought those jobs were my dreams come true, so everything should be perfect in my life then. They would surely be my everything and solve all my problems: no more sadness and impostor syndrome for me.

Until I realized jobs would never make me feel like a 100% success. So, how do we change our mindset and look at our career aspirations a little differently? It’s only one part of the equation.

We have to face the facts.

A job ain’t nothin’ but work

What is the reason for a job in the first place? You make money so you can pay for a place to live and have clothing and food. It’s work, but we make it into so much more—our identity. If you have to work, remove yourself from becoming the profession itself.

Turn your thinking into, “I am a human being doing this job because it adds to the world, teaches me new skills, and helps me live the life I want.”

I’ve been fortunate enough to get jobs I worked hard towards and could be considered dreams come true. I still have ultimate dream jobs, like working for an animation studio or getting a graphic novel series published, but those have to do with a combination of skill and luck. They can take more time to achieve. I’m still growing as a writer and artist and will get there eventually.

Any jobs I have are lovely stepping stones on the journey to where I want to go. Not a definition of all I am.

Making sure you’re learning valuable skills is how you give yourself better opportunities. When you see the experience you’re gaining by working the job you’re in now, it can become more than just work.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.”
Colin Powell

Make money so you can do what you love

A “day job” can be a good thing. One that gives you the money to afford the time to do what you love is a fantastic ticket to creative fulfillment.

Keep in mind; if we get our dream jobs, they might not be how we imagine. There’s a difference between a dream and a fantasy.

If you get your dream job and hate it, is it a dream come true? Maybe what you fantasize about can never be in real life. Or, the day-to-day expectations of what it takes to do that job are not to your liking.

That’s fine. If you tried it but didn’t like it, now you know. If you’re not there yet, find interviews with people doing what you dream of doing. How does the reality of the job sound to you? Can you handle that level of stress or keep up with the expectations?

“No matter what you’re doing, try to work at that task like it’s your dream job.”
Russell Simmons

What if you have a job that doesn’t suck, pays your bills, and gives you space to work on your passions — like music, art, and writing in your free time? Is that so bad? You’ve given yourself a chance to spend time doing what you enjoy and making it a priority.

It’s not your job, so you can do the parts of your hobby or interests that are fun and schedule them when you want. It’s not a chore or ball of stress you have to manage every day. It stays your outlet.

I discovered my main goal is to get better and grow my skills in creative areas. You could choose to share your hobbies with others or keep them to yourself. Even the judgment of others is something you won’t have to deal with if you’re doing it for fun.

I’ve had plenty of jobs that were for paying the bills so I could make comics. Waiting tables was one of them, not to mention being a security guard–perfect for drawing while watching the security cameras — and even teaching gives me summers off to work as a cartoonist full-time.

Craft a life that supports the pursuit of your passions, and your dreams will quietly come true in your spare time.

Having the ability to start your own business is key

Even if you could create a business with all the skills you’ve acquired and practice you’ve put into your passion, it doesn’t mean you have to turn it into a business.

I talked about this in my previous article in the same vein here:

4 Reasons Your Hobby Should Not Become Your Business

If you’re good at something, it doesn’t have to be your side-hustle.

khalidbirdsong.medium.com

Knowing you could make it a business feels pretty good, though. If you need to make money or life takes a turn for the worst, having skills you can use to earn more dough could be a lifesaver.

Putting time into practicing your writing, drawing, and even administrative skills could be services you could sell down the line. Just know, you don’t have to make everything a side-hustle.

Creating for yourself means any style or format you choose is entirely up to you. When you want to change how you create, you won’t have thousands of fans looking for you to do it the way you always have. Or, you won’t have to worry about clients chasing you for freelance jobs.

The freedom to work on what excites you and then change when you feel ready and willing is liberating.

The true meaning of work

You’re giving to others and being of service. If you’re not doing that, find a way to add more giving to your workday. This truth once felt silly to me. I see now; sharing is what it’s all about. A job shouldn’t be just about what makes you happy only.

Work should also be about giving and helping yourself get better at something you enjoy—an actual path to fulfillment.

“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.”
Woodrow Wilson

A dream job is meaningless if you’re not helping others in some way as well as feeding your soul.

Take these ideas to heart and decide who you want to be. How will you grow your skills, help the world, and live your dreams instead of only striving for a fantastic job?

Want more? If you’re struggling with creativity and putting your work out regularly, join my (free) email list, and through comics and articles, discover how to upgrade your mindset here.

An Open Letter to The Blogger Who Signs Off With "I Love You"

Isn't that presumptuous, or is it just me?

Dear Crossing The Line Blogger,

You continually write "I love you" in the sign-off of your articles like you're my lover. When I read it, it makes my insides shudder. Not in a good way, mind you. In the way, that feels like someone is coming on too strong, and I want them to back off.

I appreciate your kindness and would like a little more space between us. How about you only share your life-changing information? I get my one takeaway and can then move on in peace.

Stop acting like we have something special together. I don't know you like that. You may say you love me, but I have a hunch you don't even know how true love feels.

Here’s a sample of the end of one of your articles:

“The life you choose is the life you get. If you want new experiences, it’s your job to go after them. Take a risk, and live the good life you’ve been dreaming about.

I love you,

Jack”

Stop coming on so strong. If you think I'm smiling and feeling special because you get to confess your love each week in your articles, you're wrong.

Have you thought about how this might make your readers feel? I mean, really feel? Maybe you think you're a wonderful person who genuinely cares for others and would never do them harm, but I don’t know you.

How do I know what kind of person you truly are when you log off of your computer? You could be treating your real loved ones like dirt while telling me I'm in your love circle.

Here's a frightening thought, you could be an abuser. Your love for everyone could be crossing so far over the line, you’re saying it to every person you meet at all times.

If you're finishing at the checkout at the grocery store, for example, and the clerk gives your change, then you whisper, "I love you." Wouldn’t that be crazy?

Control yourself.

What? Am I presuming too much? I don't know you after all. Maybe you're a good person with a kind heart. You want me to know someone out there loves me. Well, I'm getting plenty of love, buddy. I don't need your empty words.

I have no desire to get love from someone who probably gets off the bus, turns around slowly, focuses their dreamy eyes on the driver, and says, "I love you." The pride you feel for making the bus driver’s day gives you a pep in your step. So much so, you catch the eye of others on the street walking by, and they can't help but say "Good morning" in response to your positive energy.

What do you say in return? "I love you," of course, and scares the heck out of them.

Are you that person who goes out with their coworkers after hours, gets drunk, and yells, "I love you?" while falling all over them at the bar? They tolerate you until you barf on Tim from accounting’s shoes.

Consumed with shame, you look up at him, with those inebriated puppy dog eyes, and exclaim, "I love you, man!"

I think it might be time to hit the unsubscribe button.

Letting you know how uncomfortable your sign-off of love feels is pretty hard, but maybe it will help you make different decisions in the future. Think about it. Saying you love me and all of your readers takes away from the power of showing it through your advice and the value you provide.

Like the phrase, "show, don't tell.” And in this case, you should definitely stop telling. Your love should already be present in the type of articles you write.

Stop ruining the vibe.

If you're always saying it, I know readers will think you're not genuine and cancel you. Like I'm about to do.

My days of dealing with discomfort because of your poor choice of words are over. Even though I’ve never met you in person, I can tell you need help. I’m good at noticing these types of things. If you learned something, I hope you’ll change how you talk to your followers.

Goodbye.

Oh, and I love you (see how cringy it feels?),

A disgusted reader

Want more? If you’re struggling with creativity and putting your work out regularly, join my (free) email list, and through comics and articles, discover how to upgrade your mindset here.

What You Could Be Missing About Writing on Medium

It's more than making money

Writers keep saying Medium is dying. It's not like it used to be and will never return. If you can't make good money here, why stick around?

I've been on Medium off and on for five years now, and I wish I were more active here a few years ago. You know, when writers were bringing in the big bucks. About a year ago, I started posting regularly, and I've seen slight growth in my earnings but nothing over $100 yet.

My stats have plummeted, like a lot of writers here, and I can't seem to get the attention I had even six months ago.

I'm still staying on the platform and putting time into writing on Medium.

Here are a few reasons why.

You can write whatever you like

Writing on Medium is the perfect place to sharpen your skills. Think about it. You can choose to share, teach, and tell stories about anything.

I love that I can bring up a topic I'm interested in and give my take on it. And for the most part, people will read.

Sure, it's tempting to get excited about possibly making thousands of dollars on the platform, but we should focus on what's important—improving as writers and having fun at the same time.

Medium will keep making changes

Another day, another change on Medium. Get used to it and keep writing. We can get as upset or excited as we want, but the fact is, the platform is growing and needs to adjust.

Sometimes it will work in our favor, and sometimes it won't. We can't change the fact that Medium is a business and will frequently make decisions that seem cold.

Your articles don't have to become cold, though. When you have fun writing, readers will notice. They'll also appreciate your honest, positive words as they try to navigate not only Medium but this crazy world in which we live.

Flow with the changes and continue to rise above with writing that's creative and authentically you, and watch your work last for years—no matter where you write.

Your pay will fluctuate

Depending on Medium earnings to pay your bills is a tough road. If you can position yourself with multiple streams of income from other jobs or platforms, do it.

You can't predict if your articles will generate a ton of money each month or not. Looking at your stats every 30 minutes isn't going to make them go up. Consistently producing good work every week is the main road to improving and attracting attention.

Stats won't matter as much if you do not depend on Medium for money.

It's easier to deal with the lean times when you have many different areas where your pay comes from. Try using Convertkit to start an email list. I've had one for my comics for many years but just started adding articles and advice to my newsletters. It's fun, and new people are subscribing.

My goal is to build up loyal readers who feel they receive value from my work, and I can reach out to them when I have new books or courses ready to release. A.K.A., a built-in audience.

You can make more money from freelancing

I bet my blog writing skills would snowball if I went after freelance clients. When I did this in the past, it was enjoyable to work on different projects and learn about companies to write for them. Enjoyable but with very little freedom.

The fact that I can choose a topic that interests me on Medium—not based on what a client decides—and put my spin and style on it is magnificent. I can even add illustrations I created, like in this article.

If I want to make more money, I can go back to freelancing.

Or take on a few assignments on Upwork or through LinkedIn for several months and then stop. All the while, I'm writing on Medium to get better at honing my voice and writing style.

Most of all, I'm having fun.

In conclusion

Write on Medium for the experience and pure joy of sharing what you love. When you start craving more money, start freelancing for a while to help keep your passion for Medium alive.

Decide what you're writing for and base your daily writing habit around that idea. Right now, I'm all about getting better and finding my voice. There are several topics I love writing about, but I'm looking forward to discovering more.

Article writing is helping me get to know myself and my writing voice. I'm grateful to Medium for giving me that opportunity. And, I get to make a little extra money too.

Not a bad deal at all if you ask me.

Want more? If you're struggling with creativity and putting your work out regularly, join my (free) email list, and through comics and articles, discover how to upgrade your mindset here.

4 Reasons Your Hobby Should Not Become Your Business

If you’re good at something, it doesn’t have to be your side-hustle.

Photo by Victoria Heath on Unsplash

Let’s imagine you’re exhausted and up late working on an important personal project. The one that, once it’s out in the world, will put you on the map and attract attention. With some luck and a little bit of success, your dream of quitting your day job could come true.

Then what? You get to do that every day, all day? Is this really the future you’re hoping for?

Why can’t this be something you do for fun?

If you’re good at something, it doesn’t mean it has to become your job.

I know that’s counter-intuitive to what everyone’s touting online today, but it’s true. Your hobby shouldn’t always become your business.

I’m sure you’re good at many things. It doesn’t mean you have to turn them all into side-hustles that turn into big-time companies.

Unfortunately, I’ve learned this the hard way. My love for drawing comics and writing has led me to pursue making money from them as a side-hustle. It’s not as fun as it’s cracked up to be. Between deadlines, prospecting for clients, and balancing my work and projects with family responsibilities.

We live in a time now, with the internet giving us opportunities to easily share work with the world, where people think you should “Do what you love, and the money will follow.”

We all feel like we’re missing out if we don’t have a passion and pursue it for profit.

Contrary to popular belief, making money with what you love is hard. Does it have to be your goal? Here are four reasons why you might not want to turn your hobby into a business.

1. Hobbies should be fun

Why do you love doing your hobby? If it brings you a sense of joy, for example, isn’t that enough?

If all of your needs are being met by your day job, perhaps adding on more work to make your hobby into a business isn’t worth the extra stress and commitments.

Your hobby should be — and stay — enjoyable. Something you look forward to escaping into and forgetting about the outside world.

I remember my grandfather had several hobbies. He enjoyed making the most delicious fudge and giving it as gifts to family and friends. Should he have opened up a business selling fudge out of his kitchen? Not necessarily.

I doubt he enjoyed it enough to add on all the extra responsibilities involved with a bakery business.

He mainly wanted something fun and fulfilling to do in his leisure time. Making fudge brightened his days and added a little sweetness to others. For him, that was enough.

Knowing you can go deep into something at your own pace, where you think clearly and feel at ease, is a blessing. Don’t complicate it.

“I can elect something I love and absorb myself in it.”
― Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931–1934

2. Making it a business turns it into work

We don’t always know if what we love to do will be something we enjoy doing full-time. It takes experience, yes, but also honesty. Do you love your hobby so much that you wouldn’t mind regularly dealing with the business's complex, tedious, boring parts?

If you want to turn your hobby into a business, it will become work.

Drawing comics full-time has been a goal of mine since I was a kid. Even though I know it’s one of the most challenging forms of art to make good money in, I still go after it. I’ve had to take on other jobs to pay the bills when comics weren’t bringing in enough, and most of the time, comics would become my side-hustle.

Becoming a professional at anything means learning to work even when you’re not in the mood.

I learned to do that by making comics and pushing through the “resistance” in my head when it would try and hold me back from not only getting art done but taking care of more administrative tasks.

Now, I know I can be a professional comic artist because I like the day-to-day work involved. I haven’t reached my full-time goal yet, but I’ve had years of freelance experience to get a good idea of what it would feel like.

When you put your hobby to the test, by intentionally treating it like a business, you’ll be able to feel whether or not it’s something you could do as your job.

I get it. You might need a side-hustle right now. It could be that a side income is vital to save money or pay for outstanding bills. Does your hobby have to be the way you make that money, though?

There’s nothing wrong with getting a part-time job in retail or driving for Lyft for a certain amount of time — think seasonal work — to save up enough for you to get back into a good place.

Do anything you can to keep your hobby as an outlet and a source of release.

3. Should you monetize your obsession?

People can get way too into their hobbies. Like collecting memorabilia or toys, for example. Nothing wrong with those hobbies, but I’ve seen friends lose their minds over a piece of plastic. If you’re obsessed with a hobby, can you think straight enough to make it a business?

Will you identify all of yourself as that hobby if you make it a business and carry unrealistic expectations on your shoulders? For example, “I’m a writer now, so I must write every day for five hours, or I’m a failure.”

Sometimes we love a hobby so much; it becomes an obsession. If you can’t stop painting portraits of politicians to make a statement, and no one can give you feedback or suggestions on how to grow because you refuse to listen. Maybe this shouldn’t be your business.

You need to be open to pivot and take on new ideas when things aren’t succeeding for a business to work. If you can only do things your way because this hobby is everything to you, it should probably stay a hobby.

“Whatever you like to do, make it a hobby and whatever the world likes to do, make it a business.”
-Warren Buffett

4. Be selfish when it comes to your hobby

Keep something just for you. You don’t even need to share what you make or create with anyone. Let your hobby remain an outlet for life’s frustrations and hide it for yourself. If you need to share it with someone who has more experience and gives you feedback, great.

I bet there are plenty of creative people who work professionally and never show it to anyone. That way, it’s for themselves. Or, they keep it for their family and friends. If one of those people wants to buy from them or support the work, they can.

A few years ago, I was learning to play the ukulele. I wanted to do it for fun with no expectations of performing live in front of strangers. It would be a relaxing hobby I didn't need to press myself to do professionally, like drawing comics.

I spent about two years practicing chords and learning songs on the uke. Having a hobby only for the fun of it was terrific. The only problem, music takes a regular committed effort to improve. Balancing work, drawing comics, and being a family man proved to be too much.

It hurt, but I had to stop playing the ukulele. I went from practicing every day to a few days a week, to only once a month. All of my time went into improving as an artist and not a musician.

Facing the hard truth—I didn’t have time for a musical hobby—was tough to face. But, I accepted it and put down the uke. Who knows, I hope to have time to get back to playing it again in the future when I have more time for myself.

Drawing in my sketchbook is purely for fun now. I don’t have to share my scribbles with anyone if I don't want to, and the practice makes me a better artist for the comics I share with the public. Hobbies can have a private and a public side if it helps keep you growing and feeling balanced.

In conclusion

All hobbies are not good businesses. Just about anything can be made into one, but you have to be honest with yourself about what you can handle.

Find a nice balance of interest in the subject matter, love of the creation process, and detachment from the perfection of the final result.

When you can look at your work objectively, share it with others, take criticism, make changes, and still enjoy what you’re doing. It might be the proper pursuit for you.

Try and keep these points in mind when deciding if your hobby should become a side-hustle:

  • Hobbies should be for fun. If yours is mainly for fun and a way to relax and unwind, don’t make it a side-hustle.

  • Making your hobby into a business turns it into work. Are you ready to deal with the not-so-fun parts of running a company connected to what you love?

  • Don’t try and make money from your obsession. If you can’t even think straight while doing what you love because you’re so engrossed by it, maybe it should stay a hobby. It would be best if you could be objective about your work to grow it as a business.

  • Keep your hobby to yourself if you choose. You don’t have to share it with anybody. Remember, I didn’t play the ukulele for people I didn’t know. It was my private hobby. One I’m looking forward to getting back to soon.

Make time for your hobbies in your leisure time to stay balanced and recharge. Let your interests become your job or side-hustle when you need one.

That way, you can enjoy what you do for a living and still have energy for your passions.

Struggling with creativity and putting your work out regularly? Join my (free) email list and discover how to upgrade your mindset here.

Are We Losing Our Creativity?

Science says yes, but it’s all in how you look at it.

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

We’re getting less creative. The scientific studies say so.

According to the article, “Research Suggests We’re All Getting Less Creative and Scientists Think They Know Why” by Jessica Stillman in Inc. magazine, studies have shown creativity is on the decline.

People could care less about creativity.

From the article:

“A researcher at the University of William and Mary analyzed 300,000 Torrance Test scores since the ’50s. She found that creativity scores began to nosedive in 1990. She concluded that we’re now facing a ‘creativity crisis,” reported author Michael Easter on Medium recently.

Scores on standard tests of creativity have been declining for decades. Does this mean we’re screwed?

I doubt it.

We need to face some facts and update our idea of what it takes to be creative to grow as artists. Here’s what we know and what we can do.

Why we’re less creative

The answer is no surprise. We’re too busy and overstimulated by technology and endless entertainment possibility in media to be creative.

Scientists blame “our hurried, over-scheduled lives” and “ever increasing amounts of (time) interacting with electronic entertainment devices,” Easter explains.

With less open time to be bored and keep our minds open to thinking, our free time is filled with watching screens and just taking in the entertainment.

Cooking those ingredients we absorb through all the media we consume into creative ideas takes processing time. If we continually fill the bowl, there’s no space to mix. It would be best if you had time to let it all gel.

With all the distractions from entertainment on our screens today, it’s harder to be creative even when you want to be.

I understand our mindset nowadays. Why think of new ideas when there are so many people who already did it for us? Watch those subpar TV shows, play those video games, read books by other writers and thinkers and nod your head. Who needs their own opinion or artistic voice in the world when there are so many already putting theirs out there?

With all the distractions from entertainment on our screens today, it’s harder to be creative even when you want to be. You’re forced to put more effort into shutting out influencers and doing things the way you feel is right.

On the other hand, if you’re looking to become more creative, there’s much more access to various examples of art, writing, music available to inspire and grow as a creative artist than there ever was in history.

You have the opportunity to learn from experienced creatives on platforms like YouTube, Medium, and anywhere you can search on the worldwide web.

Even though the internet makes it easier to learn and share your work, my concern is whether or not what we’re putting out is unique.

Pretty without personality

Are algorithms on social media platforms determining what’s worth your time and weeding out creative work? Probably.

Plenty of creative writers and artists out now aren’t getting seen because the algorithm pushes them behind other artists who know how to appeal to the masses.

In visual art, everyone looks like the stereotypical Anime art style. I’m not seeing enough blends of styles that look unique to one artist. Everything is looking the same. Well drawn, but the same.

When I was a kid in the 80s, it was a thrill to find a book on drawing comics or read one magazine on illustration.

I think art and especially illustration is beautiful to look at nowadays. Young people have access to physical art supplies and digital through iPads and computer software like Photoshop.

Tutorials by successful artists are all over YouTube, so learning from the best costs zero dollars and just a bit of your time. If you’re willing to put in the time to practice and grow your skills, your art will improve by leaps and bounds.

When I was a kid in the 80s, it was a thrill to find a book on drawing comics or read one magazine on illustration. Getting free instruction videos wasn’t available, but we had more illustrations in media like newspapers, magazines, and album covers.

I could take in the different art styles and reverse engineer what artists used to create their work and composed their pieces. My work may come out looking awful as a result. Or, it could grow into something pleasing to look at with my personality woven throughout every stroke of the pen—by adding more trial and error.

When will the sameness end?

One way I’ve seen this creativity reduction is in young people when I’m teaching art. I’ve worked in schools and with students from elementary to high school age.

I hate to admit; there’s a lot of sameness in the look of their work. For example, the influence of Japanese anime and manga styles is prominent.

As someone who lived in Japan, to study manga art style, I understand the allure. However, when I read or heard from artists there, they would always say their goal is to find their own unique art style.

The distinctive way they draw and tell their stories is what makes them popular. Trying to look like another artist is where you start, but it shouldn’t be your end goal.

Clearly, I’m a fan of anime and manga. I’ve drawn plenty of it but intending to learn new approaches to making comics and growing my individual style.

For a career where people are drawn to your art, whether it be illustrations, paintings, or graphic design, your unique flavor needs to shine through.

I’m not sure the young people I teach see it that way. Their goal tends to be to make it look as much like a popular manga they’re reading than to get their own take.

Why must everything be made in that style? As an art teacher, one of my goals is to inspire students to study various artists and styles. Please copy what you see but combine from different sources to build your unique look.

Most drawings from students look like the stereotypical Anime art style. I’m not seeing enough blends of styles that look unique to one artist. Everything is the same. Well drawn, but the same.

Drawing anime style makes everything into a formula. You draw the eyes this way, the shape of the head and hair that way. If you can draw it right, your art will look just like anime and be considered good.

Here’s the thing—I think it’s great to have the ability to draw in a manga style. If you want to draw comics on Webtoon or work in manga publishing or for an animation company that makes anime, that’s perfect. Keep it as a skill in your toolbox.

Your unique flavor needs to shine through for a career where people are drawn to your art, whether in illustrations, paintings, or graphic design.

It’s a challenge for students to develop creative ideas and execute them in their own way. Good. It’s supposed to be that way. It’s how you grow creatively.

All of us, especially young people, should accept the struggle and embrace how it will help them get to where they want to be as artists. Having every bit of entertainment on demand has made it difficult to have patience with growth.

Even with research and examples from master artists, it’s difficult to take risks and combine ideas to make something unique. That’s okay.

Struggle leads to breakthroughs.

Drawing anime style makes everything into a formula. You draw the eyes this way, the shape of the head and hair that way. If you can draw it right, your art will look just like anime and be considered good. It takes the uncertainty out of drawing. If you compare it to what anime is supposed to look like, and yours fits the bill, you’re a good artist.

As art students grow older and pursue a career in the arts, they’ll need to compete with others for jobs. Their style should look more unique will pull them out of the anime trap and hopefully discover what elements make their art their own.

Writing books and articles could be seen similarly. We can be inspired by articles like the one I’m writing right now but put our own spin on it coming from our experiences.

Nothing’s wrong with copying the voice of another writer, as long as your goal is to sound unique down the line.

Look at creativity in a different way

I believe we see less creativity, but I know plenty of artists do unique work that should be seen.

We have more time, in the U.S. at least, to be creative compared to, say, one hundred years ago. People were too busy surviving and working their butts off to think about adding more creativity to their work. Not to mention all the gatekeepers you had to get approval from to have your work published or placed in an art gallery.

Today, we can take complete control of our artistic careers if we’re willing to learn the ropes of running a creative business.

More creatives are making money, sharing their work with millions, and building something sustainable at this time.

If it’s just about good ideas, maybe we’re not revolutionizing as much right now. But I’m sure we have more opportunities to be creative and make something of our work compared to fifty years ago.

Make space for creativity

Maybe we’re becoming less creative, but it doesn’t mean you have to believe your work lacks value. The world needs your voice and art to inspire and help us become better, more well-rounded individuals.

You have more personal choices than ever before, so work with your mind to make sure you move forward artistically.

If you have to turn off the TV and social media to focus on your art or writing—do it. Being a more creative person and sharing what you make with the world is all on you. Here’s what the Inc. article suggests we do to increase our chances of being more creative:

Actively scheduling time to think, reflect, and experiment into your days, putting reasonable boundaries on your use of passive tech, varying your routine and your company, and getting out for more long walks can all help ensure you’re bucking the trend and nurturing your personal creativity.

Give yourself quiet time to think and reflect. Mold what you take in through media into golden creative inspiration. Have a goal of creating unique work that reflects who you are as a person.

Everyone else may be becoming less creative, but it doesn’t have to be you.

7 Average Words to Help You Discover Above Average Ideas

Illustrated by Khalid Birdsong.

Illustrated by Khalid Birdsong.

Are your ideas all dried up? Maybe you’re feeling like someone who can’t come up with anything exceptional anymore. Looking for new ways to express yourself and breakthrough a creative slump?

I’ve been there. More often than I’d like to admit.

As a teacher, writer, and cartoonist, I’m always in need of ideas, not only to start creating something new but to enhance what I’m already working on.

Let’s imagine we climbed the mountain of the creative block together. As we reach the top, standing majestically in front of us is a massive rock. On it are inscribed seven words. Words to get you out of your creative rut.

Reading each word given to us by the divine universe of ideas, I agree to interpret how to apply each one to your life. When you feel lost or blocked creatively, just think of one of these and then take action.

1. Challenge

The first word we see on the list is one of the most powerful. You must make sure what you’re working on has an element of challenge, or you won’t rise to meet it. If what you’re creating is too easy or in the middle of your comfort zone, up the stakes.

Perhaps you have a new skill to learn. Incorporate it into your process or a new way of doing something you’ve mastered. Taking a risk by learning a new style or way of creating can force you to think creatively in new ways.

This could be as simple as choosing a topic for an article on something you know very little about. You’ll need to research and find an interesting angle to take. Writing in the voice and tone of a novelist you admire could also push new ideas out of you.

If you’re very good at writing, try learning a new musical instrument and practicing it during your writing breaks. When you feel that uncertainty bubbling up inside, that means you’re on the right track.

2. Variety

Are you always reading the same genre of books? Watching the same TV shows? Add some variety to your life, and you’ll become inundated with fresh new ideas.

We become comfortable with our choices and could use something new and different to shake it up.

“Sameness is the mother of disgust, variety the cure.”

Petrarch

If remembering to consume something different is hard, try inputting a reminder to the calendar on your phone. Or, put a sticky note near your laptop that reads, “Watch a TV show you think you’ll hate.”

Read articles with opinions different than yours. Going in to understand why people enjoy or believe this could help your mind come up with ideas for characters or a new project to pursue.

3. Habit

When you make doing your creative work into a daily habit, creativity will walk in and join you.

How do you make something a habit? Write down a plan of what you would like to get done in a day and what order. Make sure to follow that plan for two straight weeks. Boom! You’ve got a habit.

If you plan to get up an hour earlier to create every morning, decide what time, set your alarm, and put it on the other side of the room. That way, you must get up out of bed to turn it off.

Your mind and body will expect the routine and look forward to making your newly established habit. When you sit down to create when you always do, your mind would have been formulating ideas in your off-hours, anticipating this regular creative release slot in your day.

4. Awe

Experience or observe something that fills you with awe.

Look at a beautiful painting. Watch a musician playing a solo on the instrument; they put their heart and soul into learning. Visit natural wonders like the Grand Canyon or something closer like your local park.

Appreciating the beauty of nature will help you see this world with open eyes and give your mind new ideas.

“He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.”

Albert Einstein

5. Walks

Humans have been walking since the beginning of, well, humanity. Yes, because that’s how we get around. But also to help us think clearly. Even come up with new ideas we can’t wait to write or create.

Before going out for a walk, ask yourself a specific question or fill your head with content from many different sources. Then, let it all simmer together as you move your feet.

Inspiration will hit.

Make sure to bring a small notepad or your cell phone to jot down any ideas that pop into your head. You’d be amazed what a little fresh air, sunlight, and physical movement can do for your creative thinking.

6. Opposites

When you see this word carved on the majestic stone, it might perplex you. How can thinking of opposites help with creative ideas?

Moving in the opposite direction for an idea creates tension and can shake out good ideas. I learned this from writing humor for comic strips. If I were having trouble coming up with a funny gag, I’d think of the opposite way that situation could look.

For example, what if I have a character in my story who’s a husband that hates taking out the garbage. Maybe this time, he decides not to take it to the bin outside and hides the overstuffed garbage bag in the house somewhere.

It sounds pretty gross, but my imagination is starting to light up with scenarios where the husband is trying to convince his wife there’s no foul smell coming from the closet. It’s still a funky idea, but my mind wants to make it work.

Maybe he tried to hide the garbage last week, and his wife comments on it when he refuses to take it out this time. “Remember, honey; we don’t wear the garbage, so keep it out of our closet.”

When you need new ideas, try thinking of the opposites of something you know well or of a popular opinion, and see where it takes you.

7. Practice

The final word on the stone makes sense to you and seems so simple. Taking time to practice the fundamentals of your creative pursuit daily does wonders for improving your skill and idea generation. Start with an exercise that gets you in the mood for creativity.

I like sketching people I see while out and about, writing 10 ideas a day, journal writing, practicing playing scales on a piano. Freewriting.

Anything that doesn’t take a lot of thought but makes you feel something, giving your mind a chance to wander as well. Something cathartic, if you will.

Once your mind is active in one way, from practicing your art fundamentals, but still has space to search for new ideas, you’ll have an easier time getting inspired.

In conclusion

As we walk down the mountain, we’re full of inspiration from the straightforward yet powerful words carved on the stone.

We see the truth now. Creativity is not magic. You can help your mind mold and shape fresh new ideas through normal activities and just a little bit of open-minded thinking.

Now, accept this wisdom and go out and become the extraordinary creative person you were meant to be.

What Losing a Writing Job in Tech Taught me About Impostor Syndrome

You are who you decide to be.

Photo by ABDULLA M on Unsplash

Photo by ABDULLA M on Unsplash

Three years of freelance writing on the side while teaching full-time finally got me noticed by recruiters and hired as a copywriter for a major tech company in silicon valley. I was considered a contractor, though, not a salaried employee.

And it was only for three months — with a possibility of extension.

I’m embarrassed to admit; this messed with my self-worth and confidence as a writer. Even though I’ve been out in the world of work for over twenty years, my positions have either been as a salaried teacher or freelancer.

Being a contractor felt like a weird in-between. You do the job with hours just like salaried coworkers, but you don’t get paid time off or health benefits. Everyone is so excited about that three-day weekend coming up, and you’re thinking about how it’s one more day of less pay.

Even though you’re working just as hard.

I will say I enjoyed the fancy office space and the nice laptop they provided. The free coffee from the latte machines was convenient and delicious. Lunch wasn’t free where I worked, but you got a full meal for cheap each day plus dessert.

Yes, I gained a little weight during my first few months.

Writing in a cubicle at a desk that raises and lowers at a push of a button was glorious. I loved the flexibility of either writing while standing and then lowering the desk to sit whenever I wanted. These small perks were good.

Maybe too good?

As a contractor surrounded by people who seemed to have more experience, stability, and confidence in their jobs, I realize that I had a serious case of impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome-

People who struggle with impostor syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think — and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.

Facing reality

There I was, finally getting an opportunity to work as a writer all day, every day, and get paid more than my teaching salary. I was concerned about what my position said about me as a person and a professional.

I could get in the door, but not in all the way.

Fortunately, I did a good enough job to add three more months to my contract, then six more after that. Once a year was up, I wasn’t offered a salaried position as I’d hoped.

Another hit to my ego.

The work I was doing was good enough to keep me there but not enough to bring me on fully, I suppose. I stayed there, got another six months added to my contract, but the company could only keep me legally for a year and a half in total.

I’m sure this kind of thing happens all the time with contract work, but it felt like I wasn’t good enough. I felt like an impostor.

Thoughts of not possessing enough talent to be a legitimate part of the team flowed through my mind constantly. In other words, impostor syndrome hit like a ton of bricks.

Until a friend helped me look at it differently.

Every job is temporary

A friend of mine who works in tech came to visit at the time for lunch. I discussed not getting hired for a salaried position and these feelings of inadequacy plaguing my confidence.

How come I can only stay a contractor? He stopped me abruptly and shared the truth.

In silicon valley, everyone’s a temp.

Even people who seem secure in their position can be let go tomorrow. Sure, it could be because of poor performance, but internal changes and just bad timing can come into play.

I was accustomed to the world of education, where you normally can stay on the job at least through the academic school year. Getting fired in the middle of February, for example, rarely happens. Unless you’ve done something crazy, I could count on staying employed between August and June every year.

In the corporate world, you never know when you could be let go. Even if you’re a superstar. Things happen. In fact, I saw other hard-working contractors get let go at the end of their contracts before me.

I understood that appreciating the skills I learned and the people I met on the job was most important. Not whether or not I stay for many years.

Besides, I noticed a lot of people change jobs every year or two now. They learn what they can, make connections, and move on.

That’s okay. As long as you know and respect who you are inside, you can succeed anywhere.

Knowing it could end at any time is the reality for everyone.

Save your money and prepare for the worst. Enjoy the experience and learn all you can in the meantime.

I had to stop equating hard work with stability or guaranteed success.

They’re not necessarily connected. Just because you work hard doesn’t mean you’ll always succeed in everything. You’ll definitely have better chances for it, but life doesn’t always work that way.

When the pandemic hit, we were all sent to work from home, and my department announced a hiring freeze. The writing was on the wall.

I wasn’t going to get hired on “permanently,” and when my contract was up, I’d have to say goodbye.

I required a new mindset to move away from the idea that I was never a good enough writer for the position.

Only you can decide you’re a writer

I’ve been writing comic books and comic strips since I was a kid. It never felt like “real writing.” You know, the kind novelists or journalists do. Learning how to write to get people to take action, copywriting opened my eyes to writing being more broad and open than I once thought.

Maybe I am a writer after all. I thought getting paid to write full-time would finally bring that home. It helped, but I still had to repeat in my head, “I’m a real writer” to accept it fully.

Only you can decide you’re a writer. Once you do, you’ll see writing can look many different ways.

Creating emails and promotional copy is just as much “real writing” as prose. I see that now. The truth is, I enjoyed writing in a corporate setting much more than I thought I would.

I spent some time at my desk each day, focused on writing and editing copy, and then met to discuss strategy with my team members. I was a writer then, and I’m still a writer now working on this article.

As long as I choose to be.

Final thoughts

I might have lost the writing job, but I was able to move back into education. The world is crazy, and teaching in a school is a safe place, I understand. Having the opportunity to also write for the school in their communications department helps me feel like my skills will not get all rusted up.

Even if I’m not writing all day, I know in my heart I’m a writer. It feels great to have worked in different positions as a freelancer, contractor, and now part-time writer.

Experience can help you feel less impostor syndrome, especially if you work with kind and helpful coworkers. Who knows, though, my next position might feel too big for me, and I have to convince myself I’m worthy of it all again.

I’m not worried. Accepting the fact that I’m a writer always helps.

Three Sentences to Keep You Smiling When You’re Crazy Busy

Quick advice to refocus your mind

Smiling Girl and Palm Trees.jpg

Admit it. We’ve all said, “There’s so much I have to do today!” more than we’d like. You start going through the list in your head as the stress builds like bricks piling up on your shoulders.

How can you lighten your mental load?

When I’m not teaching my students directly, there are countless responsibilities I could be taking care of while in my classroom, like planning, grading, and answering emails. Not fun and exciting, but they have to get done.

I love writing articles, and when you’re trying to keep up with a day job and family life, making time for creating can feel like a burden. Forgetting all it took to get to this place, remembering the privilege I have to do what I do each day can get lost in the shuffle of a long to-do list.

Life feels overwhelming, for sure. You do need a good attitude to make the best of it, though. Here are three phrases to help pull you back into the right mindset.

1. Stop telling yourself, you have to—say you get to

You get to write articles you enjoy that help others. The reason you have all of those tasks at work is because of all the effort you’ve put into getting there, and you get to do them.

You get to live the life you worked hard for all these years.

Does this mean you’ll never get tired, frustrated, or fed up? No. We all do at times. Finding the proper perspective on challenges in your personal and professional life can bring your mind back to a gratitude mindset.

Our attitude changes once we experience how it feels to reframe our beliefs by simply thinking differently about them. We begin feeling grateful for what we have and why we’re running around crazy.

Even family responsibilities can drive me nuts, but I smile when I think of everything I “get” to do. There was a time I was alone and dreamed of marrying the woman of my dreams. I remember wishing for a healthy child. Now that I have both, it’s easy to take them for granted.

If you’re guessing it’s because marriage and parenting are hard as hell, you’d be right. They can also be the most rewarding craziness you’ll ever get yourself into.

Keeping your blessings in mind makes getting through the tough times easier.

2. Search for the good

What are you looking for out of life? If you’re always expecting the worst, you might get it. Am I right? Why look for the bad in your everyday life when you can search for the good?

All it takes is intention. Choose to find more good than bad in your busy life or current situation.

You can see those four different projects you’re juggling at work as a chore or a good reason to show the company that you’re talented and capable. It might lead to a promotion or interesting work in the future.

One good aspect I like about being overwhelmed is it’s a learning process. Most likely, if you don’t give up, you come out on the other side with new skills or more knowledge about your limits.

You grow.

Knowing that feels good. In fact, growing as a person and giving of your talents is what life’s all about.

3. Is this necessary?

You’ve heard the phrase “Seek and ye shall find.” What if you’re seeking stress without realizing it. There could be a better way. Like, doing less or changing your schedule to give more time to breathe.

Asking yourself if the actions you take are necessary, you instantly begin thinking through why you’re doing it and if there are better strategies.

Keep in mind; there are boring tasks in just about any profession, long-term relationship, or creative field. You can minimize them by hiring someone to help, but you’ll still need to understand each facet of your business to succeed.

You should also like the business or relationship you’re in. I’m not talking about only what you create, teach, or sell. I mean what it represents.

Is this making you or the world better? If not, switch careers and enter the one that spreads more good and makes a positive difference.

It all comes down to the question, are you spending your time on things moving you forward or holding you back?

When you look at it from the lens of what actions directly benefit you, cutting out the unnecessary should get a lot easier. Stop doing what’s sucking your energy and give it to someone else. If you can’t do that, can you let it go?

Being inundated with chores and responsibilities is the way for most of our adult lives. It doesn’t have to feel laborious every second of the day.

Try looking at it differently at the moment and reframing your thinking.

Expect to get better. The more you can imagine yourself climbing a ladder to more success keeps you in a winning mindset.

And a smile on your face.

Is Awkwafina Problematic?

Her “Blaccent” needs to go, but should I cancel her?

Awkwafina Yellow Outfit Photo.jpg

When I watched Awkwafina, aka Nora Lum, in the film Crazy Rich Asians, I laughed and thought the outlandish character she played using a New York-style “Blaccent” was a lot of fun as long as it was for that character alone.

Surely, she wouldn’t continue playing roles as an Asian talking with a stereotypically Black accent. Man, was I wrong?

She played a similar role as Constance in the movie Ocean’s 8. She’s a rapper who dresses up in hip-hop clothing and jumps around in her videos on YouTube, caricaturing Black rappers.

Her upcoming role in the Marvel action flick, Shang-Chi, looks to be more of the same. In fact, she said playing Asian stereotypes is not her thing, but she’ll gladly play a character with a blaccent?

Awkwafina_Shangchi_Twitter_Post.png

Courtesy of Twitter.

As an African-American man married to a Japanese woman, I’m divided.

Proud to see an Asian woman rising the ranks in Hollywood going about it her own way. Disappointed, however, about Awkwafina’s decisions when it comes to performing what feels like Asian Blackface in her movie roles.

I read she’s from Queens, New York, which I imagined meant she went to school with Hispanic and Black students as friends. Possibly even developing her blaccent as a way to fit in and feel accepted.

It turns out she lived in Forest Hills, Queens, which is mainly a middle-class white and Asian area. How much interaction with Black folks did she have?

Yes, New York is one of the most culturally diverse cities globally, so one would hope she had a few black friends growing up. If so, though, what are those friends saying about her performances now?

She’s funny, but…

If Awkwafina were my friend, as a Black guy, I would have to tell her she can’t keep using a fake Black accent. It’s disrespectful to my people, and to top it off, she’s profiting off of it.

Go in a different direction.

Awkwafina has good comedic timing and plenty of charisma and personality. Her raspy voice and delivery are distinctive and help her stand out. She doesn’t need the fake blackness sprinkled on top.

Why not?

She’s not black, so it’s not cool.

But Awkwafina’s a rapper, you might say. Sure, I’ll take that. Rapping is different. It’s so mainstream nowadays. Hip-hop and rap are for everyone. I’m good, as long as she’s not throwing out the “N-word” all over her lyrics—she can rap all she wants.

We watched Disney’s Raya and the Last Dragon animated film, and I recognized her voice as the dragon, Sisu. Her performance stood out and helped ground the fantasy world they created. It worked.

She didn’t need her blaccent.

I know she’s benefitting from cultural appropriation, but why not look at that as what helped get her foot in the door. There’s no doubt Hollywood producers are chasing after her to play more “Asian Black” roles, but she can turn them down. Just like she turns down the stereotypical Asian roles she boasts about.

Suppose you’re going to steer clear of stereotypes, fine, but take a turn and use a different road. Black people deserve respect.

I think the people get that I’m just kind of an anomaly in a certain way. -Awkwafina


Awkwafina is problematic

Let’s admit it. If she were a white woman acting in roles where she uses a Black accent or behaves like a “Wigger,” everyone would be outraged. For some reason, the majority in this country feel fine with an Asian woman using Black stereotypes.

Once again, if she played a character in one role, I wouldn’t be upset. It’s one movie. I could look at it as a character she played that worked well for the film she was in.

Apparently, she created her character of Awkwafina in High School inspired by the bottled water company Aquafina as a joke. It helped her step out into the limelight as she moved through her young life and started performing on stage.

College was like prison reform where I learned to be quiet and more passive — so when Awkwafina comes out on stage, she’s that crazy high school kid that doesn’t really care about anything.

It also means she has a persona to hide behind when the world gets fed up with her caricatures. Pretty convenient.

Find another way

If she wasn’t as multi-talented as she is, I could cancel her without hesitation. The issue is, she’s good, funny, creative, and I want to see more of what she does. I feel angry and a bit guilty inside for liking her work. Mainly because I know she won’t stop robbing Black folk's stereotypical behavior to get attention and pay her bills.

If you’re Awkwafina’s best friend and reading this article, please stop her.

When you have talent, acting experience, a Golden Globe award, and success in film, TV, and music, you don’t need to rely on lampooning minorities.

Say no to all stereotypes. Not just the ones that are Asian. Focus on creating your own brand of comedy character acting style.

I’ll be sitting front and center, with popcorn, when she does.





4 Magical Life Lessons From a Japanese Animated Kids Film

How this Hayao Miyazaki movie can help you pare down your expectations and have a more fulfilling life.

Kiki's Delivery Service Image.jpeg

Moving to a new town, as a mere 13-year-old, to set up life as the local witch is Kiki’s goal in the charming animated film Kiki’s Delivery Service, directed by Hayao Miyazaki.

The only problem, she has very little money and only one magical power—flying on her broomstick.

How can she expect to make a successful life for herself, starting with so little? It’s easy at first. Do you know why?

She was open to meeting people and having new experiences. Not to mention living simply and using her unique gift to start a business.

I love animated movies by Studio Ghibli, but even after two years living in Japan, watching most of their animated films, I never viewed this one. It looked cute but didn’t pull me in like Princess Mononoke or Spirited Away.

My wife and daughter wanted to watch it for our “Family Movie Night,” and I tried not to groan. I slumped into my recliner, ready for the injection of sweetness into my veins.

To my surprise, it wasn’t as sweet as, say, Ponyo, but quite pleasant and full of adventure. In fact, the climactic final act was thrilling and expertly directed. I won’t give it away here, but if you’ve seen it, I bet you were on the edge of your seat.

Kiki’s life was one I admired. Not only because she had magical powers, believe it or not—but because she had confidence, freedom and wasn’t afraid to live a simple life while working towards her goals.

These four takeaways from Kiki’s Delivery Service could help you enjoy a more fulfilling life.

1. Live with only what you need

Kiki befriends the owner of a bakery and is offered a room out behind the store. It’s old, dusty and only has a rickety bed and one table. She takes it with gratitude, cleans it up, and recognizes all she needs is a place to sleep and eat.

When Kiki goes shopping with her black cat Jiji, she prepares him because they have very little money and will have to live on eating pancakes until she can earn more.

Pancakes, y’all.

I would have at least chosen salad. Either way, let’s appreciate that she has the confidence to know her situation will change in the future. There’s nothing wrong with living on very little when you start.

Is it just me, or is this idea losing favor in modern times? Are we turning away from meager beginnings with young people leaving college and just moving home with their parents?

Look, I know everyone expects to be poor when they’re in college, but what’s wrong with getting any job you can afterward and moving in with roommates? You learn a ton about life and what truly makes you happy.

We can take that into any season of life and look to remove the unnecessary.

From what I’ve seen from living over forty years of life, people keep acquiring more and building up taller mountains of stress.

Taking on the idea of living only with what you need applies to material possessions as well as your mental baggage. What beliefs about people and life can you discard from your thinking?

Do you need therapy to lighten your mental load? Have the courage to find a professional to talk with and let some of that go.

When I moved to Osaka, Japan, to teach English in Junior High Schools in my late twenties, I could only bring two suitcases with me even though I had a whole one-bedroom apartment full of stuff.

It was a pain to give away and sell all of that, but boy, did it help me feel lighter physically and emotionally. When I arrived in Osaka, in an old empty apartment, I felt like Kiki. Excited to be in a new place but scared of the unknown.

Fortunately, I had a job, but that was about it. Life was fresh, new, and very foreign.

I chose not to fill my apartment with furniture and kept it pretty bare-bones. It helped me think clearly and feel less stress from the culture shock of adjusting to a new country.

One thing you’ll notice is with all that space, you can think about the positives and negatives in your life. It might lead you down the road to depression.

If you end up down in the dumps emotionally, my next tip might help.

2. Use your unique talents to help others

Doing work that helps others is incredibly rewarding. What you do doesn't have to be complicated either. Take an honest look at yourself and find what makes you special or unique. You could also ask your friends or family members to tell you what they think you do well.

Pursue work that utilizes your talents and can add value to someone's life.

Kiki did this in the film. When she first moves to the little European town inspired by Visby, Sweden, she had no idea how to make money.

She was a witch but hadn’t learned spells or any other magic besides flying on her broom. Kind of like when you’re young and have only a small amount of life experience. She discovered that people could use help delivering packages around town.

So, she did just that. Of course, not without her challenges, or it wouldn’t be much of a story, but she found work.

Work that helped make life easier for others.

We all want to make money doing what we love but remember to make a difference. When you help others, it helps you feel better about yourself and lead to amazing life experiences.

If you stay open to them.

Being an art teacher for almost twenty years has been hugely rewarding. Is teaching a tough job at times? Heck, yeah! Being a part of helping young people grow and appreciate art is exciting. When I was in college studying art, I thought becoming a teacher would mean I failed as an artist.

I see now how it adds to my life with more than a paycheck and summers off. Making a difference with something I love.

3. Lower your expectations

I’m not saying working towards big dreams is wrong. Just stop putting so much into outcomes and results. The less you expect, the more you appreciate.

I’ve learned that a simple life is one to admire.

It’s true what Notorious B.I.G. said, “Mo’ money mo’ problems.”

Mainly because you have more responsibilities. Which is fine as long as you accept that fact. Living with more is a huge responsibility filled with difficult decisions and daily stress.

I noticed in the movie that Kiki continued living in her little room behind the bakery. She continued her delivery business and helped people in the city. Perhaps she could have afforded to move out and get her own apartment. Surely, it would have cost more and possibly pulled her away from close friends.

No need to move on to get more if you’re happy where you are.

Opening up to needing less can make space for more peace to pour into your life as long as you make a conscious decision not to expect too much. Finding your dream job will not solve all of your problems and suddenly make life perfect.

Even when you do all of this, you’re loving life and growing in your career; you may feel out of sorts and lose motivation all of a sudden.

4. Recharge your batteries

I guess you could call this a **SPOILERS** ahead moment, so skip this paragraph if you haven’t seen the film. Kiki’s magic vanishes, and she’s not able to fly on her broom to make deliveries. This sets her back and wrecks her confidence. It’s not until a friend shares with her that most people lose interest in their work or go through creative slumps.

If this is you, take a break. Rest. Give yourself space from whatever it is you’ve lost that fire for so you can breathe a bit and recharge. If it’s something important, you’ll find the spark to ignite the flame again.

Kiki certainly gets her magical mojo back, but I won’t tell you what gets her there.

Some ways to re-ignite your fire:

  • Sleep more. I’m serious. Go to bed early for a few days in a row or sleep later on the weekends. Take naps. Sleep has been known to cure so many health issues.

  • Put a pause on whatever you’re working on that’s draining you, and learn something new. Watch something you wouldn’t normally. Read a new book in a genre you hate. This will force you to think differently and stay open to new ideas.

  • Meditate. You knew I would mention this one. Giving yourself quiet alone time to be mindful of your body and thoughts will help your mental wellness.

  • Talk with family and friends about what you’re going through. They might have experienced something similar and could give you advice. Even if they haven’t, taking time to express how you’re feeling with someone you care about is a great release of any negativity you’ve been holding onto.

Final words

One of the hardest things for me to accept in life was that good things take time. Patience has always been a challenge for me. Not that I want everything now, but I wish it all would get here quicker.

It seemed to me that Kiki was fine with slowly building her life in one place. I love that. Yes, she’s just an animated cartoon character, but I envied her spirit. Maybe it’s because I’m a middle-aged man dreaming about the early days out in the world. Or, I needed the reminders the film brought forth.

There’s no shame in starting small, using your talents to work towards a successful career, and having patience with the process. Life can be less stressful and pretty darn magical when you know your needs and limit your wants.

How I Write 257k Words a Day Without Breaking a Sweat

The secrets to my unheard-of success.

Photo by Jake Weirick on Unsplash

*This article is fictional and meant to be humorous. Enjoy!

Your writing skills ain’t got nothin’ on me. While you struggle to post your one article today, I already posted six.

How do I do it, you might ask?

I could boast about my ability to schedule hours devoted to writing articles back-to-back in bulk. Balancing life with two kids and a demanding wife.

I do write in bulk, but here’s the real key. I’m always writing. Bulk writing is my life. My entire life.

The wife and kids I mentioned earlier, I rarely ever speak to them in person.

They write me. In texts, via email, even on Facebook messenger. They know my goal is and must remain, being a top writer. This is what I live for, and they give me the space to pursue it all.

Sleep? Who needs it?!

I can survive on two hours a night. Even with that one day a month where my body gives out completely, and I crash into the bed, sleeping for 24 hours, I am still a consistent writing machine.

I keep a notepad by my bed and it’s filled with notes I generated subconsciously in my sleep. My wife says when my hand is writing, she dare not wake me lest I lose the next Kubla Khan.

I might be a writing God.

I was once like you. Disappointed with my writing progress and wondering how to add more words to my documents each day.

While you stress over what time to squeeze in a little typing time, I’m writing like lightning. Striking my Macbook like pebbles in a tornado.

A storm that never lets up.

I was once like you. Disappointed with my writing progress and wondering how to add more words to my documents each day.

After reading several articles on productivity, it came to me.

I must go all in. So, writing is all I do. Taking time to shower is a luxury. Even after I get out, my laptop is waiting next to the sink. I only dry my hands as I begin writing again, letting my bare body air dry.

I bet you think my wife is jealous. She’s more envious of how much time I spend caressing my coffee mug. The number of coffee beans I need to fuel this obsession could fill a grain silo. Make that two. My wife knits constantly and shares this devotion to caffeine and productivity. We never buy clothes, thanks to her incredible knitting prowess.

Before you start getting worried about who takes care of our kids, let me calm your fears. We practice “Free-range Parenting.” That’s right; our children take care of themselves. We homeschool, and they fend for themselves. My kids learn more from the Disney Channel than they would in college.

I will admit we have groceries scheduled for delivery every Sunday, so food is provided. Every Saturday, we have cleaners come to wipe away a week's worth of our creative survival mode. We’ve thought of everything.

The harness with a desk attached makes it easy to go out for walks while writing. Writer friends talk about how they get inspiration during their walks. Well, I get to walk, get ideas, and write them immediately. In fact I send them to the cloud with Siri for when I get home. The cloud doesn’t care where I am. You shouldn’t either.

I’m a full-time writer, after all. This is the life I built and the one I choose to live. If I let up on the gas, I might lose it all. The only way to win is to keep adding and pushing harder.

Before you start getting worried about who takes care of our kids, let me calm your fears. We practice “Free-range Parenting.”

Everyone wants to be like me. They don’t have the fire to make it happen. These wannabe writers are lazy, unfocused. I know what it means to give your all for what you love.

Your passion.

If you can’t do what you love, every day, all day, then what’s the point of living? Those of you with weak wills full of fear know—you have what it takes to succeed. Put a razor-sharp focus on your goals and eliminate everything else. You will be rewarded with fame, fortune, and millions of words written a day.

With success comes more work and more hours of writing. You never know when someone will inch up behind you and take your spot.

Don’t let them pass.

My last and final goal is to discover how to write three 600 word articles every hour for 24 hours with original illustrations. Anyone can do Unsplash. I want people to link to my stories when they use my art. I will get there, mark my words.

Top that, losers.

First, They Call You a Fool, Then They Call You Brilliant

Illustrated by the author.

Illustrated by the author.

Taking risks that make sense to you may look crazy to others.

Two years ago, I quit my secure art teaching job for a position as a copywriter at a large medical device company. In the middle of the school year, no less—not a wise move in education.

Most teachers wait to leave until June, when they’ve completed a full school year. A great idea if you’re moving to another teaching job. Unfortunately, the corporate world isn’t on the same schedule.

I was scared about what this might do to my teaching career but ready to tackle a new challenge in a different profession.

I worked as a freelance copywriter for more than two years while teaching full-time and was ready to transition into writing more and teaching less. Leaving education at the mid-point of the year wasn’t ideal, but I knew this opportunity would be a good one.

This doesn’t sound too crazy you might think.

I didn’t mention yet, the new copywriter job was a temporary contract position for three months with only a possibility for extension. I was taking a huge risk.

Some people called me a fool. Others, were openly encouraging, but I bet were thinking to themselves I must have lost my mind.

What if I sucked, and they didn’t extend my contract past three months? Working as a contractor can turn into a permanent position, though. They might love the work I do for them and hire me on. Would I be able to get a job in education again if this position didn’t work out?

Even I felt a little crazy. Some days I was thinking, “What am I doing?” Inside, though, I had a feeling it would all work out.

You’re always a fool until you’re brilliant

I follow matchmaker and business columnist Paul Carrick Brunson on LinkedIn and he posted this video talking about his experience with being called a fool for taking risks in his personal life and career. Until he became a success and everyone switched and starting calling him brilliant.

He invested his wife’s savings in his matchmaker business. They called him a fool. He pulled his kids out of school to homeschool them. Foolish, they said.

According to Paul, he was called a fool for fifteen years before it all changed. Now, he’s interviewed regularly on television and people are incredibly impressed with his advice and the success he’s accomplished in his business.

The thing is, this praise only started in the past five years. The first fifteen, he was called a fool. If Paul had given up and listened to the naysayers, he wouldn’t have made it past “fool” status to “brilliant” where he is now.

Have the courage to follow your inner guidance

You not only need the confidence to stick with what you know is right, but the patience to reap the benefits. We all want success to happen right away but good things take time.

Paul Carrick Brunson has been at it for twenty years. I was teaching for seventeen before moving into a corporate position. Having years of knowledge and experience can help you move out or back into a career when needed.

I’d love to tell you I’m still working the copywriting job at the tech company but when the pandemic hit, a hiring freeze ruined my chances of staying on. They did extend my original three month contract three more months. Then, added on another six months.

The medical device industry is difficult to write creatively in because of all the medical and legal regulations. You have to be very careful with the words you use and make sure to back up any promises or claims.

I was frustrated and wanted to leave after a year but something funny happened. The writing and business started making sense to me. I was getting good.

Fortunately, they extended my contract another six months. Unfortunately, the hiring freeze brought on by the fear and uncertainty of the pandemic lockdown meant I wouldn’t get a permanent position. They could only keep me for eighteen months in total, so I knew my time was running out.

I didn’t regret my decision to risk working as a contractor, though. My goal was to gain corporate experience at a tech company as a writer. My writing improved, I met amazing people, and learned a great deal.

Maybe it wasn’t the secure choice, but it was worth it.

Take the “calculated crazy” risk when you can

You know what you need to do to live the life you want. I bet it’s the opinion of others that’s slowing you down or making you feel like you’re crazy.

Ignore them. One thing I’ve learned over years of taking risks that looked kooky to others at the time but ended up working out in the end is, people will give you props and respect when you succeed.

As long as you have a plan and can see how where you’re going can provide new skills to help you become who you want to be, you’re golden.

People might not have understood your vision or goals at first, but when it all comes together, suddenly, you’re looked at as intelligent and resourceful.

Fine. Accept the kind words and don’t get upset with the fact that it took the time and effort it did. Stay in the game long enough to take risks where you win or lose, and keep going until you build something you’re proud of and garners respect.

One thing is true, the majority of people are afraid to go against what’s safe and secure.

Nothing is secure.

Even though taking calculated risks may look ridiculous to the average person. You don’t have to be an average person.

Don’t listen to the noise

My final point is one Paul Carrick Brunson pointed out in his video message. Don’t listen to the noise. Your friends and family care about you and mainly want the best, but they don’t understand your path.

You know what you have to do. They might not see it but that doesn’t mean they’re right. They care about you and don’t want to see you get hurt. Give thanks for them and ignore their negativity and fear. Do what you have to do.

As long as it’s well-thought-out and doesn’t harm anyone in the process, go for it. You can always make another decision later if it doesn’t go the way you hoped.

If only this type of confidence were easy. It’s not. To make it through, you may have to:

  • Deal with feeling your heart pounding in fear in the beginning of your journey at the same time you’re holding your head up high to appear sure of yourself.

  • Listen to other people’s negative comments about your choices while thinking of the reasons why you’re going about it this way so you stay confident.

  • Remember, when times get tough, success is a marathon, not a sprint. It will all feel slow when you’re in the thick of it, but when you look back at all you’ve accomplished, it will all be rewarding.

I’m back teaching art again. My connections from previous schools helped me get a job in education after losing my copywriter position.

At first, I felt like a failure for only moving out of teaching for a year and a half and then having to go back. Then, I saw how what I learned transferred over to education. In fact, I was able to add communications onto my responsibilities by writing blogs and posting to social media for my school along with teaching art.

If I ever want to go back into copywriting in the future, I’ll always have the corporate experience I gained at the tech company to help.

Brilliant? You be the judge.

So far, it’s working well for me.

This Japanese Phrase Explains the Power of Keeping Your Opinions to Yourself

Sometimes it’s fine not to have an opinion

White Woman Hands Up.jpg

With everything going on globally, we often feel like it’s our responsibility to comment or be prepared to share our individual viewpoints at the drop of a hat.

I don’t see it this way.

Your opinion is important, but if you haven’t researched a topic or formulated a personal take on the subject, there’s no need to feel guilty. In America, all you have to do is tell people, “I have no opinion on that matter yet.” Or respond with, “No comment.”

When I was living in Japan, people there would always say the phrase, “Shoganai ne.” which means “It can’t be helped.” Almost like giving in and saying, “What can you do?”

I loved the fact that people could just let go of their stress or worry by using that phrase, and it still feels like it matters to them.

Not like when people in the states comment with a “Meh.” or an “Oh, well.” Like they’re writing it off or flushing the topic down the toilet.

Saying shoganai feels like you care, but there’s not much you can do to make a change right now. You have to accept things the way they are for the time being.

You don’t need an opinion on everything

Not being well-read on a topic or even caring about every aspect of everything isn’t possible. You have the right not to care. You have the right to be neutral.

How can we fully invest in every cause?

We’re all different and form opinions based on our backgrounds, experience, and knowledge of the subject matter. That’s a good thing. We don’t have to be all the same.

Trying to convince someone you’re right or get them to see your side isn’t necessary. You can agree to disagree.

Believe it or not, you may know quite a bit about a topic and still not be for or against it.

For example, for the Olympics in Tokyo, Japan, everyone’s talking about whether or not they should have waited another year after postponing it once before. With the pandemic still going strong and covid cases rising in Japan, it’s dangerous to bring a boatload of athletes into a small country to compete together.

On the other hand, Japan spent a huge amount of money preparing for the Olympics and would have lost big bucks if they canceled or kept postponing the games.

I lived in Japan for two years and want the best for the country, but it’s difficult for me to form an opinion on this situation. Both sides of the argument make sense. Is something wrong with me for not taking sides?

It looks like going ahead with the Olympic Games in Tokyo both helps and hurts Japan. This situation is not ideal by any means, but athletes have worked their butts off and deserve a chance to prove themselves in competition. I want them to have their chance, but I don’t want people to get sick and spread covid in a country I love.

What do you do if you can see both sides of the argument and neither of them wins out? You accept what is and throw up your hands with a look of confusion and say, “Shoganai ne.”

It can’t be helped. You’re in neutral and want the best, but what can you do?

You should have an opinion on something, though

Maybe you feel they should have canceled the Olympics until the pandemic improves across the world. I can see that side only because I care about the health of the people of Japan.

Having no opinion about anything shows you lack empathy. Pick your areas of interest and expertise and go ahead and comment on those all day. Friends and family will love knowing they can get your perspective on certain topics and look forward to conversations with you.

If you have zero opinions, no views about anything, you come across as aloof and bland. I’m sure there are areas where you get excited or upset by what’s going on. Topics that get your blood boiling are important. You don’t necessarily have to take only one side.

I’m not convinced people even care what we think. We’re all too concerned about ourselves and our opinions.

When you tell someone your side of the issue, they most likely will put it through their filters of what’s right and wrong to see if they agree. If they do, you look intelligent to them—like you’re on their team. If your ideas oppose theirs, you’re against them or are seen as wrong.

Either way, that person thinks they’re right. Rarely can we change how a person feels about a topic, right? Unless we have experience with it and tell a personal story to expand their view.

Let’s say you’re an expert in an area you work in or study daily. Great. Perhaps, that area is one where your opinion will be valued and paid attention to by others. If you’ve proved you’re worth in that subject, people could see you as a real spokesperson for that topic.

It doesn’t mean they’ll agree with you, though.

They might read more information about a subject to become better informed, but that doesn’t guarantee they’ll change their minds and believe the same as you.

The effort and research needed to have well-informed opinions mean we can’t have an opinion on everything

Let that lift the weight off your shoulders. We’re not right about everything, and we cannot be experts on it all either.

If it’s a complicated situation, like the Tokyo Olympics, opinions can take time.

Putting thought, research, and care into deciding how you feel about something shows respect for the issue. If you’re not ready to share your opinion, you may have to stay in the neutral zone.

Sometimes we have to say “Shoganai ne.”

And that’s okay.

If You Could Get Married in a Pub in The Middle Ages, Why Expect so Much From Relationships Today?

Your spouse cannot, and should not, be your everything

Kissing Outside Couple.jpg

People in medieval Europe just wanted to get it on. Or, they just wanted arranged marriages to make money for their families.

Marriage was about sex or status back in the middle ages.

We expect so much more from it now, which is lovely in some ways but can be damaging.

With the church having a great deal of power in medieval Europe, as a Christian, the only way to make sweet love to your partner without burning in hell was to marry them.

Fortunately, for couples back then, the rules were pretty loose.

The only requirement for a binding marriage was the consent of the two people involved—no need to ask your family or bring in a priest. You could get married just about anywhere at any time. Forget about witnesses. You didn’t need them.

Wanna get married at your buddy’s house down the street? At the local pub? How about in bed? Sure! No problem.

You got married so you could make love whenever you wanted and take care of each other. Plenty of relationships were arranged, sometimes before the couple even meets each other, to help the families gain status or money.

Having concerns about falling in love or fulfillment wasn’t the main focus. I believe in love, but I also feel we’re taking our ideas of what marriage can do for us too far.

We expect far too much from marriage

Discovering this enlightening bit of history made me think about how much we expect from marriage today. I believe in taking it seriously and honoring its sanctity. Still, I bet people would enjoy the bonds of marriage more with a little less weight stacked on top.

I’ve been married for over fifteen years to my amazing wife, and even though we’ve been through ups and downs, I’m glad we’ve stayed together. We both choose every day to make the relationship better or work together on issues that need improvement.

My wife and I view marriage this way because we both had divorced parents when we were kids. I think it forces us to look at our relationship every day and ask, “Is this worth breaking up over?”

We know how it feels not to have both parents together, so we constantly check ourselves over what’s most important.

Unlike in medieval times, we are blessed with so much because life is much easier now. We think marriage should fulfill us physically and spiritually. Our partners should be our everything. Having children should be a magnificent blessing that improves our lives tenfold.

Many people think uniting with another should wash away their pain and make life easier.

Until we actually do all of these things and realize that married life with children is complicated and stressful. Heck, I have only one child, and everything is crazy. Imagining raising multiple kids fills me with anxiety.

Yes, family life is more fulfilling, and you can have a great deal of fun if you work together as partners, but life is not easier. In a lot of ways, it’s more complicated.

The only way to end a marriage in the middle ages was to prove it never existed. All the experiences, time, and effort you put into building something together with someone — erased.

I know people still do this today by getting an annulment. Still, the fact that we have more choices now can make you think about what you plan to get from vowing to stay true to only one other person for life.

Are your expectations even realistic?

Lower your expectations and become flexible

Maybe you desire certain things from your partner because you watched your parents growing up doing or trying to be that for each other. Does that mean it’s okay?

Have you decided love means your wife makes dinner for you every night or your husband must make a certain amount of money?

Marriage can look the way you both decide. Try lowering your expectations brought on by childhood and talk about what your actual needs are. This might not look like a traditional marriage. Your parents might disagree, but if how you live together is safe and works for you, go for it.

If you’re unhappy with how much your partner is giving to you, try cutting in half what you expect from them. Decide what’s most vital for you to feel loved, and ask your partner for more of those one or two aspects.

Your spouse cannot, and should not, be your everything.

Do you think married couples in the middle ages were concerned their partner isn’t there emotionally for them twenty-four hours a day?

They were too busy trying to survive. Life now may feel much more manageable than back then, but the truth is, we’re all still trying to survive. In nicer homes with more comfort — but it’s survival nonetheless.

Giving your marriage all you’ve got but at the same time relaxing your expectations is challenging but possible. Most relationship issues can be worked out by being open with your partner and having uncomfortable yet honest conversations.

An exception will be if you’re with someone physically or verbally abusing you. That is a reason to leave. No one should keep trying to keep a relationship alive with someone who treats them like trash.

Of course, sometimes a marriage should end. I get it. I’ve had relationships back when I was dating, where we parted for various reasons. Breakups are hard. I believe most bad marriages can survive, though.

Let’s say you both want drastically different things out of life, and you’re moving in different directions. I can see that pulling a marriage apart.

Being open with each other about your needs and where you’d like to go in life makes it easier to figure things out. I bet you could work something out if you’re both committed to being flexible.

You could decide to follow and support your partner as they pursue their needs for a set number of years, and then you get a chance next, and then they help you. This means you’ll have to slow down what you’re pursuing for a time, but when your spouse moves forward, you’re there with them, knowing you helped along the way. Then, it’s your turn to push ahead.

When you take the commitment aspect of marriage seriously but keep an open mind about how it should look and feel depending on your needs, you’ll make better decisions.

Married life may be more complicated today compared to the middle ages. But with more freedom and choices in our society, we have to choose to take full responsibility.

Get better at choosing what marriage will look like together with your partner, and you’ll be centuries ahead of the crowd

This Quote From Seth Godin Could Change How You Think About Pursuing Your Passion

Photo by Adrian Dascal on Unsplash

Do what you love, and the money will follow. Wasn’t that the name of a book?

It’s become an idea that fills creative people with hope, and more often than not, leaves us broke and disappointed.

Doing what you love doesn’t always lead to success and financial freedom. It can. I know there are people out there who have done it, but it’s rare. Taking something you enjoyed as a kid, a hobby you love, or a creative skill like writing or drawing and turning it into a successful career is a considerable risk.

One most people fail.

Was that too dramatic? My apologies. It’s because I’m a creative person who’s learned this the hard way. I’ve been working towards making a full-time living from cartooning and writing for many years. Fortunately, I’ve been able to make it work with the help of teaching art and multiple day jobs.

But I’m still doing everything I can to make a bit of part-time income from creative work.

The hard part for me was accepting that every passion isn’t made for success. At least, what you’re putting out into the world might not become something big exactly when you want or need it to.

Not only because it’s challenging to make money with, but because it might not get the attention of a broad audience right away. If you’re a writer, maybe your voice or ideas aren’t resonating on a large scale yet.

Unless you think of “Following your passion” differently.

Having a passion for something isn’t enough. In fact, your love for it might be holding you back. There could be new pursuits you could try and ultimately fall in love with that you’re not because of being dead set on something fun but not working for you.

That’s why this quote from

Seth Godin’s new book “The Practice: Shipping Creative Work” made me stop and take note.

“Do what you love” is for amateurs. “Love what you do” is the mantra for professionals.

-Seth Godin

You can learn to love new jobs and skills when you practice Seth’s advice and use it as your mindset. Sometimes it comes down to just loving the work you do — even if it’s not your favorite, dreamiest, best of the best work you’ve ever done in your life.

Discovering what I want and learning how to think less like an amateur and more like a professional has taken time.

Here are a few ideas that helped:

Doing what you love for fun, not money

When it comes to the hobbies and activities you engage in for fun, doing what you love is excellent advice. As long as you don’t expect to make money.

If you end up striking it rich from your hobbies, awesome! Good for you. Either way, enjoying the process of doing or creating should be the end goal. It shouldn’t be something you hope will bring you millions of dollars.

Playing video games is a lot of fun. Some may even feel like it’s their passion. Enjoy playing and use it as your escape. Sure, you could record yourself playing and post it up on YouTube so others could watch, and that might become a hit for you. You could become a video game tester or designer.

If you do, though, how your hobby feels might change. For example, do you want it to feel like work?

I’ve learned that some things should remain hobbies. Having an outlet, you love to dive into when you need something to make you smile.

Make learning valuable skills fun

Convincing yourself that it’s valuable to fall in love with skill-building will help you move forward in anything you pursue. If you enjoy learning to write and communicate better, improve your public speaking and event organization skills, they’ll cross over into any work or job you have.

Learning several skills at the same time could be overwhelming so narrowing them down to one works well. Once you’ve become pretty good at that one, move on to the next. Make that feeling of mastering a skill something you’re passionate about.

If you’re developing skills in very different areas, like music, then writing, and video editing, it might help to combine them, so you don’t get scattered. For example, I like putting my interests under an umbrella term like “Storytelling” to combine my love of writing, drawing, and teaching.

When I learn a new way to illustrate comic pages, it fits with my goal of improving as a visual storyteller. Of course, this may be different from improving as an article writer. Still, I know improving my writing skills will help me make more relatable comics.

Learning can be fun, but you won’t know if you’re growing if you don’t put it out there for an audience.

Sharing your passions with the world

Sharing your work with the world is how you make a name for yourself and refine your skills. Do you want to reach a professional level? Write online, post your performances on YouTube, and air your podcast so that others can be inspired and entertained — not only for exposure but for feedback.

You’ll get a chance to see which pieces of content people respond to and learn more about what they want. Hearing feedback can be challenging, especially if most of it is harmful when you first start out, but take it and make adjustments. If it hurts, ask yourself why, and stay open to making changes.

You can practice the skill by doing it as a side-hustle while you work your day job if it’s something you decide to earn money from in the long run. If money is a goal, make sure to post as often as you can every week to attract fans and stay consistent.

Conclusion

If you produce your work online and even post it to friends who share your interests, you’ll watch your passion for it bloom.

So why not try an experiment?

Decide on a skill you’d like to improve on and take an online course or practice regularly at a scheduled time each week. Maybe it’s something you want but doesn’t quite feel like it’s your “passion” just yet.

I bet, after a few months, you’ll improve and start feeling passionate about it in a way that might surprise you.

It all comes down to learning to love what you do. After that, picking what you do is up to you.

4 Signs You’re an Unapologetic Introvert

Illustrated by the author.

Illustrated by the author.

Who won’t let extroverts get in your way

Do you have what it takes to be introverted and still succeed?

Our society places a load of respect on extroverts and the importance of breaking out of your shell. But is being a social butterfly really the height of human existence?

If you’re the type of person who wants to hide away from it all and spend your time working on projects, it’s viewed as a negative that can often hurt introverts.

I’m an introvert, trained to be more social and extroverted because I thought it would help me succeed. Now, I’m discovering I don’t need to put myself out there as much as I once thought.

Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re weak.

I’m sure there are introverts with more confidence than me. Living extraordinary lives — working behind the scenes and staying comfortable in the shadows — being who they are meant to be.

And not apologizing for it at all.

I believe the idea of whether or not you’re extroverted or introverted is a relatively new concept in our society. So when I asked my parents which one they are, they were surprised by this distinction, and I had to explain the differences to help them pick.

An extrovert is outwardly focused and not only enjoys socializing with others but gets energized by attending significant events and parties. Spending a great deal of time in groups and talking with someone else brings them to life. They need the time together with people to fill up their tanks and to feel fulfilled.

On the flip side, an introvert is more inwardly focused and might enjoy social activities. Still, it gets their energy sucked out of them by spending too much time around others. It doesn’t mean they’re just shy. I actually love talking with friends and going to fun events. Still, I can only stay for a certain amount of time before I’m exhausted.

For an introvert like me, going home and having quiet time alone helps to recharge my batteries to feel like myself again. Relaxing with a good book or having a chance to be in my own head while writing or drawing feels like heaven.

Let’s decide right now to not let extroverts put us down.

This looks like a black and white type of issue, but it isn’t. The degree to which side you fall on varies. You could have a little more extroversion but love your time alone to think and process your experiences.

Wherever you may fall on the introvert/extrovert spectrum, you should feel good about it. Some studies show introverts don’t need to behave like extroverts.

As introverts, we have what it takes to be successful in business and in life. But it just might look a little different.

Maybe even better.

Here are four signs of unapologetic introverts and how you can be more like them:

1. They stay quiet and keep their heads up

Being introverted is fantastic. Accepting that fact with confidence and pride is essential for success. But, of course, there’s nothing wrong with acting like an extrovert to properly introduce yourself to new people and engage in exciting conversations.

Still, it doesn’t mean you have to be outgoing at all times.

How to do it:

When you feel like leaving — for time alone to recharge — do it. Think about how vital it is for you to have time to yourself and figure out a thoughtful way to say, “Thanks, but I gotta go.” then escape.

No matter how tempting it is to try forcing yourself to speak up in meetings, for example, when you’d rather listen, go with what your gut tells you. You can say to yourself, “There’s power in silence.” to give you the confidence to stay quiet.

If you have something to say, share it, but don’t feel obligated.

2. They know what they want ahead of time

Unapologetic introverts think ahead and know how they’ll behave around others because they’re comfortable being themselves. They understand that sometimes they have to do extroverted activities and be more outgoing. Still, they can put a limit on how often.

Did you know, introverts excel at problem-solving, academics, regulating their behavior, and taking fewer risks that may cause harm compared to extroverts. In other words, they’re thinkers, and I would guess, planners.

Use this to your advantage.

How to do it:

Prepare for the situation you are about to enter and decide how you’ll handle things. Know what you want to receive and how you’d like to be perceived and be ready with responses based on your personal beliefs. This may be you deciding on boundaries of what you will and will not do or how someone will treat you.

Begin with the end in mind. Even picking work or a business that doesn’t require you to be around a large number of people for hours on end takes knowledge of self and forethought.

I like choosing to spend time talking with one good friend instead of several together at a large gathering. Studies have shown that the connection and meaning I and other introverts get from more intimate conversations helps bring them joy.

If you’re someone who values the individual person you’re with, the other person will sense they have your full attention and feel special.

3. They protect their solitude

Courageous introverts know when to say “No” and are not ashamed when they need time away. True solitude must be scheduled when you have a busy life and a load of responsibilities. Alone time and creative thinking breaks are like that precious pot of gold they guard with their life.

Come to think of it, they take time for fun, not just make time. Introverts do the work that makes money and the side hustle that is their passion but will make sure to spend quiet time on activities for sheer fun and enjoyment.

How to do it:

Taking away from other activities or chores for what brings you joy is a start. In addition, learning to manage your time better is a massive help and can free up more space for quiet reflection.

Add your solitude retreats to your calendar. Make them just as important as a meeting with a client. The more you see it on your list of to-dos for the day, the more you’ll take them seriously.

If someone tries to cut into your solitude time, tell them no, unless it’s an emergency, then add another solitude entry on your calendar right away.

4. They let others know what they need

What if someone doesn’t understand your decisions? No worries. Introverts worth their salt are not afraid to explain who they are when deemed necessary. After all, who else will look out for them?

The default behavior in society is extroversion, so if you’re moving in the other direction, let ’em know.

You can be direct and clear about what you need and why.

How to do it:

Share, openly and honestly, when you’re not comfortable doing something and let people know why. Then, the other person will see what you need and get to know you as an individual.

Suppose I need time to myself to draw, for example. In that case, it’s better to talk to my wife about possible times in the day where I can have a couple of hours to illustrate a comic strip.

She knows me well, but I can still tell her I’m feeling emotionally drained and need time to refill my creative spirit. That way, she gets that I’m not trying to run away from her, but the time is for helping me stay balanced.

When you’re an unapologetic introvert, you teach people how to treat you and show them who you are. Give them the reasons for your choices but add how they will benefit you and how not doing it could possibly hurt.

One example, if you’re uncomfortable with a crowded gathering, you have no problems saying, “No, thank you. That event will be overly stimulating for me and drain my energy.”

Naturally, there are times when you must put yourself out there for business or help family and friends. If the person cares for you, though, they’ll understand if you decline. But, on the other hand, if they don’t understand, well, you know that living authentically as an introvert means there’s no reason to apologize.

Final thoughts

Let’s value our quiet alone time more often and embrace solitary thinkers. Hiding from socializing doesn’t mean you’re weak. Instead, accept the power of being who you’re truly meant to be.

You don’t have to be the center of attention to gain respect. In fact, if you’re someone who listens and asks pointed questions well, people will admire your attention and care for them and the situation. Especially if it’s clear you don’t need to be in the spotlight.

You’re fine speaking only when necessary.

When you’re proud to be an introvert, you’ll discover your quiet confidence has value and will garner respect. So go forth, and be the introvert you were meant to be today.

How Observing Your Hands Can Spark Mindfulness

You don’t need a lot of time to be aware of the present moment

Remember that time you were writing and feeling stressed out? Perhaps, you thought of taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. Great idea. I love breathing exercises, but I’ve added one more practice to my “instant mindfulness” routine I’d like to share with you.

Observing your hands.

It’s as simple as it sounds. When I feel overwhelmed or stressed, I look at my hands and appreciate whatever they happen to be doing.

Watching your hands and appreciating your actions

Let me tell you how this hand observing idea came to me. I enjoy doing a few yoga poses in the morning, like upward and downward-facing dog and warrior poses. I noticed how focused on my hands I needed to be for proper form.

Why not pay attention to my hands while doing other things in my day? Like, when I write something with a pen, a rare activity nowadays. Or when I’m holding hands with my wife.

This tiny bit of gratitude ends up expanding and going further than you can imagine.

As a teacher, cartoonist, and writer, there’s so much to get done and keep up with each day. I have trouble slowing myself down sometimes. Even though I love it, I don’t always have time to do yoga. When I get a chance, I appreciate it more and see how my hands move and support me while holding poses.

Accepting that, as a parent, I’ll get very little quiet time for myself at home, finding quick ways to experience mindfulness is vital.

Getting in the mindset of “Even a little time for being in the moment is better than nothing.” helps lift away stress. You don’t need to spend twenty minutes meditating or thirty minutes of yoga to be mindful. Just noticing what your hands are up to can pull you back to your center.

Observing your hands leads to gratitude

If I’m at my laptop writing an article, I watch my hands typing for a few seconds. Then stop to give thanks for this opportunity to write and be a creative person.

Opening up this type of awareness often leads to breathing slowly and deeply and feeling gratitude for other blessings in your life. Your mood can change instantly. A smile might slide across your face. Become aware of the truth. You’re practicing mindfulness.

“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it. (21)”

― Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

Believe it or not, even folding laundry can be a time for taking note of what your hands are doing. You’re taking care of your clean clothes, and having those clothes and the ability to wash them with relative ease is a blessing. Folding for your family could lead to a flood of emotions as you feel gratitude for being able to provide and care for them.

Rarely are we paying attention to all our hands can get done in a day. Using this “Observe Mindfulness Skill,” you can expand to other parts of your body. Notice where your feet are walking during the day. How they look without socks as you wiggle your toes.

In short, pay attention. It takes very little time and even less effort.

Final thoughts

Clearly, observing your hands is a great way to turn inward for mindfulness throughout the day, but how do you remember to do it? This may seem childish but, write something on your hand.

It could be a word like “Breathe” or “Relax” written in big black letters on your palm or on the outside of your hand. This will get you into the habit of paying attention — and possibly embarrassing you enough around others — to remember to make time for mindfulness observation.

I know you’re thinking about all the tech gadgets that can send you alerts to remember to be mindful. Go ahead and use those if it works for you. The low-tech reminders tend to work better for me, like putting post-it notes all over. Try to make it fun, so you enjoy the idea of finding peace in your day.

Remember, taking time for gratitude and mindfulness doesn’t have to be a chore. All you have to do is look at your hands.

Read This if You Feel You’re Too Old for Success

You’ll need more than just changing your mindset

Are we finally in a place where anyone of any age can succeed in their chosen profession? Even though I’m yearning to tell the story of how Colonel Sanders started Kentucky Fried Chicken when he was 65 years old, I’m going to hold myself back.

At this point in history, his story shouldn’t be all that astounding. It certainly was in the ’70s and 80s, but now, we should be more open to the fact that you’re never too old to go after your dreams.

Unless, of course, you want to play professional sports after 40. There are areas where physical strength and stamina matter, but on the whole, if you have your mind and a passion in your heart to pursue, age is just that, a number.

At least, now that I’m in my mid-forties, that’s what I think people should believe. I’m sick and tired of feeling down about aging. As a husband, parent, teacher, writer, and cartoonist, I see how much I’m capable of doing now, even though my life is crazy busy.

So much of life is about our mindset. The time is now to realize success over 40 is not only possible but pretty darn impressive.

Being young and successful is cool and all but let’s see you sustain that for 40 years

Why do people still feel it’s better to become a success when you’re young? What’s wrong with just having a goal of supporting yourself without needing help from your parents?

This idea that the most extraordinary success comes with youth is ridiculous. Let’s be real here, what have you done in your 20s that qualifies you to get more respect than someone in their 50s?

Gaining life experience and wisdom is honorable. Making a good life for yourself and keeping it up for decades is a skill not everyone can master. When you add factors like marriage, parenting, and surprise health issues, holding on to a successful career as you age takes a herculean effort.

Yes, when you’re young, you have the energy to work hard and move up in a company, the balls to take risks with a new business, and the nerve to ride on the coattails of successful friends to find success.

But can you sustain it?

The one thing young people can’t see is that you have to maintain that success for another thirty to forty years. Trends change, the needs of society shift. Are you flexible enough to move with the times and stay in demand?

Here are three tips I’ve found for helping sustain a long career.

  • Find pleasure in the creative and business aspects of your profession.

  • Stay open to new ideas, learning new skills, and growing as a person.

  • Manage your stress, so you avoid burnout.

The trick will be to discover your unique techniques and ways of thinking to stay strong and balanced during the marathon of a long career.

Why are you letting age hold you back from pursuing your passion?

If you’re physically and mentally able, go for it. Don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t.

For many of us, life can get pretty busy in middle age. You can have more available time for doing what you love when you get older.

My aunt would always tell me there are different seasons of life — pay attention to where you are and do the best you can while there. We will have seasons where it’s all about our career, a season of raising children, or a season of healing from an illness.

Seasons come and go.

Take an honest look at where you are in life and be clear about what you can accomplish. If you’re in a season where you have more time to pursue a business or passion, but you think you’re past your prime, think again.

You may need to ease in and warm up to start something great. Doing small things towards your goals can build up momentum to a place where you feel like doing more, and then, BAM, your mindset changes.

Suddenly, you see that you still have what it takes to succeed. Not only that, but you’ve been through enough in life to know you’re tough enough to keep going.

You can start late, look different, be uncertain, and still succeed.” — Misty Copeland

Who decides what age you can start something new? Especially in the era of the internet

“It’s just too late for me.” How many times have I heard people say that? People who remember a time before the internet. A time when getting attention for the work you do was so much harder.

The age of gatekeepers is disappearing. Someone at a company deciding whether your work is good enough or you’re relevant enough to be pushed out to the masses.

You choose when you’re ready and can share work with the world.

The internet is a place to promote what you do, but there’s one skill you must master to make it work for you.

Consistency.

Posting online now and then about your work isn’t going to attract eyeballs and new fans. You have to post, promote, and share your work at least one to three times per week on your chosen platforms.

Having the internet is magnificent, but if you’re not willing to put in the regular weekly effort of sharing work for viewers, readers, and potential customers to consume, nothing’s going to happen.

If you have a goal, you can’t shake, ignore your age, pursue it and see where it takes you

If you’re able to update your mindset to believe that success is possible at any age, you can make miracles happen.

Just remember these suggestions for success over 40.

  • Cultivate an interest in all the work you do and find pleasure in aspects of the business that may be challenging.

  • Keep an open mind so that you’re ready to learn new skills to keep up with the times.

  • Manage your stress by finding ways to have fun and relax every day.

  • Do little things, taking small steps every day to reach your goals.

  • Post and promote your work online consistently to reap the benefits of the massive potential audience the internet provides.

Understand that, even though you may feel old or society tries to tell you there’s very little time left to succeed in your passions, you can still play the long game.

Change your outlook and your attitude and start taking steps towards more success, no matter your age.