When You're Tired and Hopeless

Here’s what you can do

I’m overwhelmed with emotions. In the middle of this pandemic, dealing with the killing of African-Americans like George Floyd and the protests surrounding it have me feeling exhausted. Hopeless.

Will the killing of my people ever end? It’s hard to admit that I don’t think so. Every year around this time, summer, we have black people getting killed and it’s gone on for years. Far before social media or even the local news covered any of this. I feel like the killing of black people is just a part of American life and always will be. I have to find ways to handle my anger.

Tanuki may be a raccoon but I think he’s onto something. Keeping your anger and frustration locked up inside could damage you more in the long run than letting it out now. Of course, I can’t endorse breaking plates — or breaking anything for that matter — but talking with friends and family about how you’re feeling right now is an excellent start.

Exercise is a beautiful way to lift the world off your shoulders. I highly recommend running or walking. If you can join protests and feel safe to do so, go out and walk with others to support your cause.

If protesting is not for you, donate to organizations online, make signs for friends who are going out to march, or even call and check up on your loved ones. They might need to vent or benefit from someone showing care for their situation.

It’s okay to be angry, afraid, and frustrated at this time. Find positive ways to release your stress and help others deal with theirs.

We’re all in this together

Why Quarantine School Ain't Easy

Imagine being a middle school student during this pandemic. You can’t spend time with your friends in person or develop much of a bond with your teachers at school. It would be tough to stay away from all the screens and devices sitting right next to you and focus on schoolwork.

I would suck at it. With ADHD and an overactive imagination, my mind would be in another world, drawing fantasy comics, or sucked into video games to escape reality. Getting work done would be the last thing on my mind.

I admire the young people today and how they are navigating quarantine life. Even if they’re not getting anything productive done. They’re getting up in the morning and giving it their best each day. That’s a victory. For some kids, your best is just talking to friends over Zoom or reading a favorite book for the eleventh time.

Doing the things that bring you comfort and joy is vital in times like these.

Parents are going to push and pull kids to do their work to stay ahead, but some might let it all go and give total freedom. Let’s relax and give each family a choice to deal with this COVID-19 pandemic however they can.

We need to deal with this situation in our own ways. When it’s time to open the gates once again, all of us will be catching up on our new reality.

A reality we cannot accurately predict at this moment. Relax and take it one day at a time.   

To Create, or Not to Create, While in Quarantine

That is the questions. Here’s the answer.

Illustration by Khalid Birdsong

Waking up at the crack of dawn to draw and write is no easy task, but I’ve grown accustomed to it. Today, on the other hand, I couldn’t help but feel the pull of the bed calling me back.

This is normal in regular times but much more powerful recently. Is it smarter to push through and get work done during these stressful times or give your body the extra rest it needs?

I chose to stay up and fumbled around, getting my coffee made. Doing marketing tasks like scheduling future social media posts, and writing possible gags for new comic strips — nothing all that heavy. When I start this way, it usually leads to turning my engine on and getting deeper into a creative drive. Where I’m eventually motivated to make more focused work like drawing or writing articles.

Perhaps you’re like me. Sandwiched between your desire to rest more and the awareness of all you could achieve during this forced-flexible time at home due to quarantine.

The two opposing questions floating around in my head always — Why not use this time to get more done? On the other hand — Why should I force myself to do anything during such a major pandemic?

The world needs your art during this time. Your perspective, voice, and experiences can help others. It’s incredibly important for you to find a way to put your work out there.

Here’s what I think is going on and what I discovered we can do to move forward towards our artistic goals.

Stop feeling guilty

Reading articles about famous people in the past, like Isaac Newton, who discovered the theory of relativity during a quarantine. Or, was that Einstein? Didn’t Shakespeare write a famous play while sheltering at home? I bet someone wrote a brilliant piece of classical music while forced to hide away from a plague. Something like that. I think all the motivational articles are getting jumbled up in my head.

The point is, they make you feel like this time of quarantine is not for letting it all go and slowing down, but for working harder. For creating something brand new and absolutely fantastic.

You start feeling concerned about yourself and, yes, guilty. Why can’t I make something earth-changing during this time? There are more opportunities to focus on smaller projects. Isn’t this what people will expect of a creative person?

There’s only one truth to accept.

Creatives get overwhelmed, frightened, and exhausted by world events, just like “normal” humans. We’re not above or beyond it only because we can escape to other places in our minds.

There are times when we make stuff with ease and times when we need to just sit and stare out into space to process it all. With nothing but a clean slate of negative thoughts in our heads and swirling mixed emotions in our hearts.

I want to have the freedom to work when my creative energy is turned on, but I’m afraid that if I get out of a routine, I’ll just stop and not make anything anymore. My momentum will hit a wall and seep into the gutter.

“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I recognize this is what’s going on, I change how much I expect to get done. If you’re feeling this same guilt and overwhelm, schedule time to work but limit it. Instead of an hour, work for thirty-minutes.

There’s nothing wrong with cutting back.

Go ahead and be exhausted

Taking life a day at a time is something I need to improve on. I’ve seen more than ever how good days can be full of powerful, productive energy, and others are a slow drag to even begin.

This past weekend I was completely out of it. I felt like strings were attached to my limbs, and someone was pulling down on them, making it hard for me to move. Heavy body and mind issues plus plenty of chores to take care of around the house, forced me to make an important decision.

I needed to “do” less and let some things go. I’m just too tired.

Feeling exhausted right now is ok. It’s more than ok. You should expect it and give yourself some time off.

The only way to have productive days right now is to give yourself “processing time” to recharge on those tired, emotionally exhausting days.

Give yourself time to ease in

The struggle to produce content just happened to me today. This morning, in fact. What you’re reading is a result of gradually working my way to writing this article.

If you know that starting off not wanting to work but doing small things to help you transform into a “focused flow state productive mind,” is possible, you can have more confidence in the process.

“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Celebrate your wins

You should definitely create your writing, art, and music while in quarantine. Take a hybrid approach by dedicating yourself to both your mental health through regular periods of rest and your need to create with longer than typical stretches of scheduled work times. This way, you know you have the time to gradually get into the groove.

“Life is 10 percent what you experience and 90 percent how you respond to it.” ~Dorothy M. Neddermeyer

Even if it seems like you only completed a few tasks, celebrate them. I had to tell myself, “Good Job!” today for getting something done, even though I was totally not in the mood at first. We could always do more.

Make good friends with patience and invite understanding into the mix. I know you will keep the creative momentum going and succeed in artistically expressing yourself.

Even while trapped inside this box, we call quarantine.

Why my Biracial Daughter Wears Straight-Hair Wigs - Should I stop her?

Illustrated by Khalid Birdsong on friedchickenandsushi.com

Reading this comic strip, you would think my daughter is confident and comfortable with exactly who she is at all times. Well, you'd be mistaken. Alana (the name I use for her in the comics) is a nine-year-old girl who epitomizes authenticity in every area but her hair.

Gliding into the living room, almost daily, holding her karaoke microphone. Wearing the pink and purple wig her grandparents gave her for Christmas, is nine-year-old Alana. My half Japanese, half African-American daughter. 

On the one hand, I know she likes wearing the wig because it's straight and she thinks it looks better than her beautiful curly hair. On the other hand, I feel like she should take the wig off and feel good singing with her natural look.

Should I force her to take the wig off and be herself? 

Of course, not. I think I should relax and let Alana pretend to be someone else for a little while. It's the only way, at this age, she will experience her dream of having long straight hair. Besides, It's fun.

The reality can be challenging to accept at times, though.

She'd rather have a straight look than her naturally curly mixed-ish hair. 

I understand that most people are not in love with their hair and wish it could be different, but Alana really gets upset with what she's got. And I think I know why.

Alana is the only girl on both sides of our families with mixed hair. 

In fact, she's the only one who's biracial. My side is all African-American, and my wife's family are all Japanese. 

When Alana spends time with either side, it's clear that she doesn't look just like them. Of course, I know she's unique and beautiful but, I am her father. The fact that Alana doesn't see her self represented in our family may be making it difficult to feel connected. Now that she's growing older, she's noticing more and articulating her frustrations.

My wife and I want her to be proud of being a part of two races and cultures but know we can't fully understand how she feels. 

I will say, though, living as people of color in the United States gives us perspectives on what it's like to be treated differently. Still, we both can return to our upbringing as a way to ground ourselves.

I'm proud of being black and can share any trials and tribulations of black life with my family. My wife was born and raised in Japan. She can return to her country and take in everything she loves and fit right into the culture.

No matter where we go, Alana stands out. 

Some of this desire for straight hair comes from watching movies and TV shows, of course. She sees so many white girls, and even Japanese girls—when we're watching TV Japan—with hair Alana feels is "beautiful and easy to comb."

What can we do? 

I'm grateful for the short film "Hair Love," directed by Matthew A. Cherry about an African-American girl and her father learning to do her hair. There were so many moments watching it where Alana shouted, "That's like when you do my hair, Daddy!"

Another great example is the "Black-ish" TV show spinoff "Mixed-ish." Where Tracee Ellis Ross tells the story of her character, Rainbow, as a child growing up as a biracial child in the 1980s. The show is funny, heartfelt, and honest about how confusing it can be at times living in the middle of two families of different races, with a desire to love and honor both equally. 

These beautiful examples of representation help to foster conversations. 

Without them, I don't think we could discuss being mixed race as smoothly. Alana sees herself as unique and has a better understanding of her place in the world because of these creative artists.

I hope by sharing this story in writing, and comic strip format inspires those who need to see themselves represented. 

Representation is grand, but it doesn't solve all our challenges.  

Alana still doesn't like getting her hair combed.

We're working on that.

I THINK ROCK MUSICIANS ARE VAMPIRES - Should we fear them?

Photo by Bruno Reyna on Unsplash

They only come out at night. Clad in leather with long hair and makeup. Their music haunts your soul, and voices pierce your heart.

They’re rockers. And no one ever seems to fear them.

If I know one thing, we all need more to fear.

Rock musicians are clearly vampires. They are using their music to mesmerize you and concerts to lure you as their prey.

I advise approaching them with extreme caution.

With a documented history of vampire violence against innocents—hundreds, maybe even thousands of years of it—why aren’t we frightened?

Did you know that in 1863, in the village of Dekekuoi, Bulgaria, people were regularly attacked by a mob of young, possibly leather-wearing, sparkling vampires? They screamed outside of the villager’s homes and threw excrement at any pictures of religious figures.

Until an old witch (Baba Yaga?) decided she’d had enough and went to a local cemetery. She found the vampires’ graves and deduced that they must be escaping through holes in their tombstones. The witch sealed the holes, and vampires never gave the village of Dekekuoi trouble ever again.

This was a long time ago. Vampires have adapted. Learned how to blend in. Somewhat.

How often do you see a rock singer during the day? Their leather pants shining in the sun.

Rarely. Possibly never.

If you do, it might be just before a gig the group begrudgingly accepted in daylight hours to make some extra change.

They can’t hunt during the day. The gig had to be just for the money or they most certainly would have stayed in hiding.

If you go to a rock concert at night. Enjoy the performance, but don’t go backstage afterward.

Save a life. Watch the show and go home.

I mean, if vampires can walk among us and be left alone, how come it’s dangerous for everyone else who looks different? The majority of people in this world are not out to harm us. Vampires are, for sure!

Are vampires even real? Probably not.

So, what are we afraid of?

Do People Fall Off of Treadmills at the Gym?

I can’t be the only one…

I'm not a gym guy. I've tried several times, but I can't make it work for me the way my friends can. My mind gets overwhelmed and discombobulated every time I enter one and try to use the machines.

I know, making it a habit would probably help. Over time I'd memorize how to use each one and gain more confidence.

But I ask you, is it really worth it to commit to a gym?

Why are so many people willing to spend their time and energy moving their bodies, sweating like the crazy, stuck inside of a building?

"Spinning" on bikes that don't move. Running on treadmills that go nowhere while watching HGTV.

What are we, human hamsters?

It makes me want to walk around, yelling at people, "Stop working so hard to go nowhere! I know it's cold outside but have some balls. Get a real bike and ride! Ride to an actual place. Move forward. Go somewhere in life!"

To be fair, I can see going to a gym as a win if it's the only way you get motivated to exercise.

You get to drive, not walk or bike, to a building that is enclosed, shut off from the real world, where you can escape.

Like taking a trip to Exercise Land.

Walking in, you see beautiful in-shape bodies, a few that could use some work, and the gym wakes up your senses. And your jealousy.

"I gotta spin and lift too so I can look like all of these Greek Gods."

You smell the motivation in the air. Or is that athlete's foot? Either way, you're pumped.

That's how I try to feel when I enter a gym. It's usually one a friend invites me to in hopes I fall in love with the overpriced sweat house.

It all seems so magical. So, encouraging. Until I walk up to my nemesis.

The treadmill.

Theoretically, I should be able to step on it and just start walking. I'm sure that's how they were back in the olden' days.

Everything has to be so damn advanced now that I have to anxiously go through pressing buttons and choosing settings just to start.

I only want to get moving so I can go nowhere like everyone else.

The super-fit woman to the right of me who clearly has been running for seventeen straight hours tries not to watch me fumble around with the treadmill motherboard.

The guy on the left just gives a smirk. I bet he's thinking, "Look, a new guy. What a loser. He probably wastes all of his time running outside. In...nature."

Once I figure out a setting that will make the treadmill move, I can finally start walking. The choices don't end there, though.

I have to choose a TV station to watch. Here I am taking a stroll and channel surfing. Trying to enjoy the multi-tasking, first-world problem of what to watch while breathing hard and sweating.

After going through all the channels, you know where I end up.

HGTV.

Walking turns to jogging. The feeling is incredible. The treadmill surface is softer than the hard concrete, so I get the false sense that I can run farther than I ever can out in the elements.

I'm jogging while watching a couple remodel their mid-century modern home. Continually checking how many imaginary miles I've completed here in this building of "No pain, no gain."

One mile. I ran one mile. It feels like ten. Probably because I'm still in the same place I started.

Slowing down to a walk again seems like an excellent idea. Change up the pace, like interval training.

Boy, was I wrong.

As I ease back into a walk, I start feeling dizzy. Do you feel like this on one of these things too?

Like a fool, I blame it on HGTV.

Changing the channel will help. I reach for the channel button, the room spins, and I fall forward onto the treadmill.

Or is it back as the moving surface pulls me down and onto the floor?

What do you know, the treadmill surface stops moving. No buttons to press. I just had to fall on my face.

The lady on the right looks surprised for a second but can't stop running, she's too close to completing her five thousand miles.

The guy on the left keeps running but yells out, "You okay, dude?!"

I get myself up slowly, give a shy wave to my super athletic neighbors, and hobble away in shame.

My knee hurts from the fall but not as much as—let's say it together—my pride.

Please tell me falling off treadmills is something that happens at gyms regularly.

It can't only be my failed attempt at running in place.

How to Succeed Using "The Parenting Mindset"

If you want to do anything meaningful in life, you always hear experts say it's crucial to be a "self-starter" or a person who's "motivated" to be successful? 

Maybe you feel like that's for a special kind of person. What if you think there's no way that can be you?

It doesn't mean you have nothing in the world to strive for or go after. You may have big dreams.

You're just not doing what it takes to move forward. 

I bet you've read or heard inspirational teachers saying, define what real success looks like to you. Find your reason "why," to make it important enough. And that will motivate you to pursue your goals.

This is good advice, but what if you still have trouble moving forward toward what you consider success?

Take on "The Parenting Mindset." 

Maybe you're not even a parent. But one thing is true—you must take care of yourself. 

No one else is going to, not really. 

Your life is totally, and without a doubt, all your responsibility.

I am a parent, and one thing I felt when my daughter was born was a massive sense of responsibility. Babies are helpless. Even though I knew this intellectually, the fact that she couldn't do anything for herself hit me like a ton of bricks. 

If my wife and I didn't feed, clothe, and change her diapers regularly, she wouldn't survive.

You are not helpless, however. You can make changes and live the life you choose. No matter what you've been through. 

The hardest part of parenting—the part that created the mindset below—is that you must do all of these things to raise your child, and no one cares if you're tired. 

It doesn't matter if you're sick or depressed. Your baby needs food. Your child needs your support and care.

Think of your life this way.

The parenting mindset involves treating your goals like a child that needs constant care, only you can give, no matter what. 

That's the hard part about life, right? Having to take care of business and move forward even when you're feeling down or "life" is slapping you in the face with a wet towel.

It can be easy to let all your motivation get sucked out of you.

I know there are those of us who have more challenges to overcome than others, but it could always be worse. 

Actually, I would suggest thinking about all the ways it could be worse, so you understand how good you have it. 

Gratitude. It's the perfect reset. Start there, and then keep moving forward.

Sometimes, we're tired and need to rest. That's fine. Take time to recharge, but decide for how long.

Decide to take a break for a few hours—a day, a weekend. Then, get off your buttocks and get back to work.

If you are a parent. Don't use your child as an excuse not to pursue your goals. Look at them as your motivation to succeed.

I know it's challenging, especially in the first year of raising your child, to make time for yourself, but carve out what you can, when you can.

Think about it, which would you instead tell your kids when they grow older, "Raising you was too hard, so I just gave up on my dreams." Or, "Raising you was the challenge that helped make me stronger. You inspired me every day to pursue my dreams to make you proud."

I remember feeling noxious every time I had to wake up multiple times a night to feed or change my daughter's diapers. It was tough, but I got used to it. 

Hard? Yes. For the best reason? Raising my offspring. Heck, Yeah!

I discovered I'm capable of so much more. If I can survive on very little sleep and still go to work and perform at a professional level, I can do more in my life than I previously thought.

Not to mention, using what very little free time I had in the most efficient way possible helped me start my Fried Chicken and Sushi webcomic and update it twice a week consistently. 

I found the magic in how productive you become when you limit the amount of time you have to spend on something.

Try it. Whether you're a parent or not, behave like one.

Take full responsibility for your success. Be grateful for what you have. 

No one will help you the way that you can.

Make up your mind that you can do much more than you think you can each day.

Use your limitations to motivate you.

See how much you can do in a short period. Take what you feel is lacking in your life and reframe how you think about it. Can you turn it into something that can light a fire in you to push harder towards your goals?

I think you can.

No.

I know you can.

Now, get out there and make things happen. Before I put you in time-out.